Relationship With People Who Drink

winesthel945

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I assume your question is actually, "Relationship with people who have unresolved psychological pathologies"?

A person has to be in proper working order to enter into any kind of relationship. Unless you fancy yourself a renovation expert and like moving into a house that's collapsing around you, it's not something you should attempt. Same with buying a car that has every warning light flashing on the dashboard. Entering into a romantic relationship with someone who has significant psychological issues that are unresolved is signing up for a very difficult time.

Maintaining a relationship with someone who has unresolved psychological issues is just as difficult. You may be able to help them recognize the issues and be able to support them if they're getting treatment. But if they're not making any effort, then you have a choice to make: stick around and watch the disaster unfold, possibly having your own life and happiness destroyed in the process, or give them an ultimatum to seek help or you're outta there.

Your departure may well be part of the "rock bottom" they need to hit before they'll realize they need to fix themselves.
 

Brodie888

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I can't say that I have ever been in a relationship with someone with an alcohol problem.

I think the first step is to find out if the other person believes they have a problem and that they really want to stop. If they don't see that they have a problem then nothing will ever change and you are wasting your time.

I have a friend who drinks a whole bottle of whiskey every night, yet points the finger at others for being disfunctional alcoholics. Go figure....
 

cedarizzo

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Most of my life, I have been around people who had problems with alcohol. When I was young, my dad was an alcoholic. I remember my mom threatening to leave him many times before she put us in the car late one night and driving away. She took us home later, but eventually my dad went to rehab. It didn't work the first time, so later on he went back to rehab. And when the second time didn't work, he went a third time and this time it worked for him. He admitted that he had a problem with alcohol and he was willing to do what it took.

My 2nd boyfriend was an alcoholic but I didn't realize it was a problem until we had been together for almost a year. We had many fights over his drinking. He kept telling me it wasn't a problem, but he would deny the things he did when he was drunk. I was going to leave him at one point, but I chickened out. We had been together for 4 years when he ended up having a heart attack and died. I'm not sure if I could have left him or not. I like to think that I wouldn't have stayed with him if his drinking continued, but I also know that I always feel like things will change.

My current boyfriend likes to drink, but I wouldn't consider him an alcoholic. When we first started seeing each other, his drinking was a problem. He finally admitted he had a problem when he got a DUI one night. He paid his fines, took the classes and he no longer drives drunk. I think it really hit him hard when I told him that I couldn't go through that again and I told him what had happened with boyfriend #2.

But the worst I have seen is my boss's girlfriend. They have been together for about 6 years. I'm not sure how long she has had a problem with alcohol, but I know her daughters won't talk to her because of how she was when they were kids 30 years ago. I've found her passed out on the floor at their house many times. She is always getting black eyes and bruises on her body from falling over. She has been hospitalized at least 10 times in the last 12 months and most of those were because of her drinking. A few years ago she got her 4th DUI and she was in jail for 6 months. The first day out, she was passed out drunk on the floor.

My boss doesn't understand alcoholism. He thinks he is going to cure her, but I have told him repeatedly that only she can help herself and she does not want to change. I've told him that she loves vodka more than him, their dogs or her own daughters. She will lie (which she does constantly) and steal (she steals his credit cards) so she can get her vodka. She doesn't eat right, she weighed about 100 pounds when they met, she is down to about 85 pounds now. We got her to agree to go to a rehab center, but the very first day she checked herself out. She didn't last 4 hours. I've told him that she will never change, but he still thinks that things will be different.