relationships and bisexual men

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Beanie, Mar 29, 2010.

  1. Beanie

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    bisexuality has always been something i have struggled to understand. obviously i understand the basic premise of it but not much beyond that. it just seems so alien to me that you can be attracted to both sexes and i am hear to gain understanding and have my questions answered.

    to be honest i have one burning question about lasting relationships and bisexual men, which is basically: is it possible?

    a lasting, loving and monogamous relationship is incredibly important to me and i suppose you could say im looking for 'the one' to spend the rest of my life with that one person, but is this even possible to find with a bisexual person?

    obviously everyone is entitled to talk about all aspects of bisexuality and i welcome it as part of me understanding more.
     
  2. B_Jules7

    B_Jules7 New Member

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    a very interesting but complex question. I am basically straight, and have a serious girlfriend who I love and have a gr8 sex life :) I am Very attracted to women!

    However, I also have a purely physical attraction to certain guys.. few and far between but it's there. I am able to look at a male face, body and cock with great delight. In addition, I had physical relationships with guys when I was at school, mostly oral and mutual wanks etc. This was before I slept with women. i think back with very fond memories though and would do it all again!

    So, based on the above most men would say that I am bisexual, and cannot say I am "basically straight". However, I have never been in love with a guy or had that warm fuzzy feeling or emotional attachment with a man. I can honestly say that I could never see myself dating a guy. I just find it possible to be attracted to certain guys and fantasize about those schoolday experiences or the possibility of a MMF threesome where the guys have contact...

    In my view true bisexuality refers to people who can have a physical and emotional relationship with either sex.

    So the best thing is to think of it as a scale from 100% straight, through to 50/50 and finally 100% gay ( a theory discussed in many places on LPSG). I also think one needs to separate physical attraction from emotional. So on the physical side I consider myself 80% straight and 20% gay.. but emotionally I consider myself 100% straight.

    That's my 10 cents worth :)
     
  3. B_RedDude

    B_RedDude New Member

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    Good, balanced, credible analysis, Jules.

    Just my two cents, but it seems that bisexual guys might have the most successful relationships with other bisexual guys, if that's what they're looking for. Interested to know if anyone else views it this way.

     
    #3 B_RedDude, Mar 29, 2010
    Last edited: Mar 29, 2010
  4. ferfed

    ferfed <img border="0" src="/images/badges/member.gif" wi
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    i agree with jules
     
  5. Beanie

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    thanks for your input guys.

    i just think that this subject is very varied due the the different degree's of bisexuality like jules says it is like a scale, and jules represents one end but i would like to hear from lots of other bi men who are at different pats of the scale, if that makes sense? i want to know about it all from the guys like jules to the guys that are almost gay but have the sexual feelings but noting more with girls.

    and @ redDude, what makes you think that bi guys have their most successful relationships with other bi guys? what makes them so successful? are they monogamous? just elaborate for me please :)
     
  6. B_RedDude

    B_RedDude New Member

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    Beanie, it's really just a guess or speculation. I am gay, with little or no experience of bi guys, so don't claim any real knowledge, and making blanket statements in this area really isn't too wise.

    It seems like they would get along best because they have more understanding of how the other thinks and feels than they might with a gay guy or a straight woman; what their insecurities might be, etc.

    I really like the way you've gone into this open-mindedly and without prejudice. Have you met any bi guys that you'd be interested in for a relationship?

     
    #6 B_RedDude, Mar 29, 2010
    Last edited: Mar 29, 2010
  7. Beanie

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    oh right i got you but yeah blanket statements dont tend to work on subjects like these lol. in one way i understand where your coming from and im sure there are plenty of examples where bisexual couples are together 'for life' etc. for the understanding factor but its not always a good thing, straight couples are largely different and thats what make them work.

    and as for coming into this with and open mind etc. well the way i look at it, its the only way to be about things, i dont know what its like and wish to learn more so why would i be prejudiced? :)

    ahah as a matter of fact there is some one that i would be interested in having a relationship with, is it that obvious? but i have wanted to know more about bisexuality for years, long before i met him.
     
  8. B_RedDude

    B_RedDude New Member

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    Regarding couples, while it's true that men and women are very different, if they are straight and in a relationship with one another they are the "same" in that they're both straight (different sex, but same corresponding sexual orientation, with all of its assumptions, history, etc.). If a gay guy or a straight woman is in a relationship with a bi guy, they are in a relationship with a person of a different sexual orientation. A bi guy in a relationship with a bi guy is in a relationship with a person of the "same" sexual orientation, although obviously it can differ in degree. Hope that clarifies it a bit. Does this make any sense? I guess it all depends on the individuals involved.

    I suspect a lot of gay guys look upon bi guys with a least a bit of suspicion, and in some cases outright hostility.

    Even if it were "obvious", your interest in a possible relationship with a bi guy doesn't need to be kept under wraps:smile:


     
  9. LuvMensCocks

    LuvMensCocks New Member

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    My husband and I have been together for over 15 years and married for over one. He is bisexual through and through, When we met he had a very young daughter and a girlfriend he fucked all the time. She would talk about how he could make her come so fast when he ate her out (After being rimmed by him I understood why). All I ever knew was he was into pussy. till one day.....

    A simple comment pushed us on a course to where we are today. He is very aroused by women, He loves straight porn and we have alot of it, Although he never wants to watch any. Anytime we watch Skin-O-Max and the soft core porn comes on he gets hard. He claims that it is the sex that turns him on and not the woman. I tend not to believe him.

    I have asked for years if he ever craves pussy, or misses it. He says no, But I don't believe him. Yes it makes me insecure.

    I know if he chooses to leave for a woman I could probably handle it, I would get over it in time. If he left me for another man, I would be FUCKIN CRUSHED. That would mean I was doing something wrong. (Is that my insecurity showing, Of course)

    We have been in a monogomous relationship all these years and still going strong, I am the luckiest guy around to have found someone who puts up with my shit and still loves me unconditionally.

    It is possible, It happend to me when I was not looking. The best thing on this planet is going through life with someone who you can ride in a car for 3 hours and say 5 words and never feel uncomfortable,Who loves you despite your faults and who still gives me butterflies in my stomach when I know he is on his way home.
     
  10. swimmersox

    swimmersox Active Member

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    I'm with Jules7 on this one. I've lived a predominantly straight life, and have never felt particularly conflicted about it -- even though I've always also been physically attracted to certain kinds of guys, and have fooled around with them a fair bit, at different times in my life.
    For me at least, the distinction is pretty clear (though yes, it was confusing for a while). Basically, I am almost entirely 'straight' when it comes to ROMANTIC attachments -- these have always been with women, and I've only rarely had any inclination to 'date' another guy, and have never acted on it.
    But over in another part of my brain (and it does feel like there's a distinct set of wiring going on here), I am PHYSICALLY attracted to BOTH women and men. Usually, when I'm in a serious relationship (& it's always been with a woman), my physical interest in guys wanes though never disappears. But at times, when I've been single/unattached, my physical urge for guys can come roaring back, sometimes such that for months at a time I seem to lust mostly for guys.
    But then, what always happens (with me at least), is that I'll meet a woman for whom I have romantic (as well as physical) feelings, and whaddaya know, my 'guy urges' go back into semi-hibernation.
    Who knows, the 'experts' might read this and dismiss me as just another closet case (albeit maybe more verbose about it than others, lol...). Maybe they're right, though I don't think so. But I really don't care too much, because whatever my 'label,' I'm by now pretty familiar and comfortable with my emotional & sexual makeup, & have no complaints. [Well, except that I've never been able to be fully honest with the women I'm with about my 'bi' side, but that's a relatively minor sacrifice.]
    But finally, as to the overarching question of whether bisexual people can have long term relationships, my vote is 'hell yeah.' It's really not much more difficult for them/us than it is for purely 'straight' people or purely 'gay' people -- except maybe that for them/us, the pool of tempting 'eye candy' is twice as large .... ;
     
  11. B_RedDude

    B_RedDude New Member

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    The takes of both swimmersox and Jules on this seem perfectly reasonable. I really appreciated hearing these honest explanations.

    But swimmersox, do you think it is more difficult for the gay male or straight female partner of a bi guy, assuming they know he is bi, to be in that relationship than it would be if their partner were another gay guy or a straight guy, respectively? Again, maybe one can't generalize, and it all depends on the individual.
     
  12. bigbull29

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    Very good post.

    This post shows how complicated sexuality is. There can be so much gray area and confusion that it's best to not analyze or else you'll go crazy. Just be who you are and enjoy your sexuality.

    You all see why labels are so silly? :rolleyes:
     
  13. swimmersox

    swimmersox Active Member

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    Interesting question, RedDude (referring to your immediately previous post).
    Yes, I suspect you may be right, that for the PARTNER of a bi person, rather than for that bi person him/herself, there might be an extra set of anxieties/worries.

    Specifically, the partner of a bi person might very well wonder more than otherwise about whether his/her partner might be straying -- whether in fantasy or reality. This because the exclusively straight woman or exclusively gay man might feel less able to relate to or understand the nature of a bisexual's attractions to others. That is, for example, society has over the centuries provided women plenty of context in which to place their anxieties and concern about their male partner's possible infidelities with other women. But there is very little comparable social 'training' for a woman as to what her bisexual male mate may be thinking and/or doing with his attraction to the same sex.

    And also, I think I should add a consideration here that MIGHT GET ME SPAMMED WITH HOSTILE RESPONSES (so BE NICE, please). That is, my own opinion, based both on observation of others and on my own internal urges is that the combination of #1, males' natural proclivity for promiscuity, plus #2 the exponentially greater array of opportunity for casual sex with other men vs. with other women (the lore of 'womanizing' notwithstanding) == a greater 'danger' for infidelity in any relationship in which one or both of the partners is a male attracted to other males.

    Bottom line, because women (for good reason, historically/culturally/biologically) tend to guard access to their sexuality more zealously, even the most intrepid straight male 'cheater' has a steeper challenge in bedding other men than does a gay or bisexual male, whose same-sex 'targets' are also other men ... other men who are, well, other MEN, who share with them the typical male appetite for and acceptance of quick and 'no fuss' sexual encounters.

    If you doubt my point here, just take a look at the respective hookup links on Craigslist. The M4M boards are stuffed to bursting with guys eager to drop their pants and get it on with total strangers, whereas the W4M boards are MUCH thinner, and tend to be crowded with women looking for 'relationships,' NOT casual sex.

    So a horny guy, bi or gay, who is in a relationship but who has the urge to stray, can generally get himself laid within an hour or two of surfing the net, whereas a straight guy similarly horny for 'something on the side' has to wade through the natural female 'defenses' and work much harder for what he wants.

    Think about it. Surf the net a bit, get laid, move on ... versus all the wine, roses, walks on the beach, third date?/fourth date? rigamarole that is a serious speed bump if not outright barrier to consummating a cheating heart.

    Yes, all of the above is subjective opinion on my part, and yes, there are thousands if not millions of examples of straight men cheating. But hey, can anyone deny that it's a helluva lot easier to cheat with another guy than it is to cheat with a woman?

    OK, let me have it if you want.
     
  14. LargerThanTheAverageBear

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    Is a lasting, loving, and monogamous relationship possible with hetero or homosexual couples? Statistics would tell us that humans are apparently not naturally monogamous. That said, any two people who love each other and can be truly open and honest with each other, and together choose to do so, can have a loving, lasting and monogamous relationship. Willingness to work at it and GROW together are essential. Then, given that humans can be weak and apparently not so monogamous, if an "affair" happens, the relationship can still last if you're willing to work through it and realize why you are with the person in the first place.

    My opinion: We as humans have an infinite capacity for love. Seems a shame to try and limit that to only one other person.

    Another thought, bisexuals fit in well with the swinger crowd.
     
  15. AM_092

    AM_092 Guest

    I'm gay and currently in a serious, monogamous relationship with a bisexual man (50/50).
    I think most people believe that it would be hard to the bi guys to stay faithful (i.e. if he's with a girl, he'll fuck around with a guy and vice versa), but for my boyfriend and I, as long as I satisfy his needs and we're happy together, then he doesn't need to have sex/find excitement with women. But that's not to say that he has stopped being attracted and fantasising about women (or even other guys for that matter!).

    I hope that helps! We're going strong, even though there's a few obstacles (not related to his bisexuality) and I hope we'll be together for a long, long time.
     
  16. B_RedDude

    B_RedDude New Member

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    On the contrary, very lucidly and eloquently stated.

     
  17. Beanie

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    ok guys, thanks for all your comments on this, getting a lot of insight from different angles and thats exactly what i wanted.

    it seems that the general consensus is that bi guys come in all different degree's if you like but it all comes down the person at the end of the day, the thing i was wondering about is the urges for the opposite sex being unfulfilled within a monogamous relationship and that the 'forbidden fruit' aspect would eventually have to be satisfied, but this doesnt seem the case. i think i was looking at it the wrong way, i thought bisexuals, being sexually/emotionally/both attracted to both sexes (depending on the 'degree' if you will) would need both sides to be satisfied eventually, but if you enter into a relationship, regardless of who or what sex it is, its because you see a future with that person, they satisfy and 'complete' you if you like, as a whole, as a person, regardless of gender. i guess i was thinking of it from a gender point of view and not a person point of view :-/

    as for being attracted to others, its a natural thing, i know i wouldnt be able to stop myself and nor would i try to stop them being, being attracted and acting on it are two different things, and as far as im concerned i dont care where you get your appetite as long as your eat at home ;)
     
  18. Beanie

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    so any more any one else would like to add?
     
  19. D_Harvey Schmeckel

    D_Harvey Schmeckel New Member

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    Here's a thread I started several weeks ago that might address your question in part:
    http://www.lpsg.org/171464-hot-dick-vs-hot-men.html

    As several in this thread have pointed out, bisexuality often involves sexual attraction to both genders despite emotional attraction being focused on one. This can and does change in the course of a lifetime, in both directions, but it's rare for someone to be simultaneously equally open to both. (At least in my observation and experience.) I don't see why bisexuals should be regarded as any less capable of monogamous pair bonds than anyone else. Here's an analogy that can be picked apart but might have some relevance. My partner is at least equally attracted to black men as white, but that doesn't make me fear he's going to leave me. Why should gender be any different?
     
  20. Dave NoCal

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    I may get flamed for this but here goes. While I have little direct experience in the matter, these have been my concerns when bisexual guys have shown interest. In my opinion, the oppresion of gays is still quite real and present. Make no mistake, things are better than they used to be but we are still second class citizens, at best, in most cultures. Given that assumption, I have always been wary that bi-sexual guys are taking a walk on the wild side, so to speak, and in the long run it would be reasonable not to want to take on the opppression. I suspect this social force is an added stressor on such relationships working out over the long term and am not casting aspersions on the characters of bisexual guys. Nevertheless, when i was looking for a long-term relationship, I have steered clear. Perhaps I was wrong to do so.
    Dave
     
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