relationships and bisexual men

[Trinnium]

Do forgive my bluntness, do why would the gender of the attractive person matter to a person - like myself - who is bisexual?

I look at it in the same way as saying 'Surely, if you like just women, you must like all women, therefore, a monogamous relationship with just one woman is impossible'. That's essentially the same thing you've just said about bisexual people isn't it?

I don't mean this in an offensive, or even aggressive way, it's just my way of pointing out that homosexuality, heterosexuality, bisexuality or anything in between doesn't matter when it comes to monogamy.

 

[B_bi_mmf]

My situation is complicated and probably not typical.

I am bisexual and for me the sexual and the emotional go together, in that I have had emotional relationships with both genders.

It has been years since either my wife or I have had sex with anyone except each other. Earlier in our marriage we had an open marriage and several MMF relationships, including a MMF menage that lasted for three years. I would like to get back into MMF with her, but she is no longer interested. Nevertheless, I am still hoping that the right guy will sweep her off her feet.

My fantasies regarding other people are at this point almost completely (with one notable exception) confined to men. I definitely feel that a part of my bisexuality is not being fulfilled because I am not having sex and a relationship with a man.

For me, the ideal set-up is an MMF menage. Preferably with a bisexual male, but even if the guy were straight, that could potentially work well for me (provided he was not paranoid about gayness). I love the experience of me and my buddy sharing my wife's love and her cunt.

 

[Florida Boy]

Is bisexuality sexual orientation? I do not personally think so. Too bad people, guys or girls, in such a relationship can be a lot the same. That is two girls or two guys. A guy and a girl in a relationship together and they are both bi cannot possibly be the same. Their outlooks and perspectives are determined by their gender.

Can they be monogamous? Yes, as long as they don't screw around with anyone else other than their partner. It makes no difference if the infidelity is with male or female of the same or a different gender. Monogamy is defined very simply and we all know what that is.

 

[B_dxjnorto]

I'd be more straight if more women were okay with me liking guys.

 

[D_Likima_Taint]

I'm bisexual as well. And I have found that I've been emotionally and physically attracted to both genders.

The problem I myself have come across is that bisexuals seem to have developed a bad rep as being slutty people that want to just fuck anything that walks on two legs.

Also when I find myself telling a guy that I'm bi, they think I'm confused or fickle, and that's not the case. I've always been this way. They're afraid that I'd leave them for a girl. And the girls think I'm just gay pretending to be bi so they don't give me a shot. Honestly I think the bi's don't fit in with society either. It seems to be something that just isn't understood, something people aren't really willing to acknowledge.

I'm not really into the whole casual sex thing. The people I have sex, are people that I find myself attracted to, and there actually have only been two. I've never cheated on anyone, ever. And I know for a fact that bi's can be monogamous because I have been and plan on remaining to be so, until they either separate, or give me a reason to leave.

 

[D_Likima_Taint]

I'd be more straight if more women were okay with me liking guys.

see what i mean? lol. he knows exactly what i'm talking about.

 

[BIGBULL29]

I'd be more straight if more women were okay with me liking guys.

I think that'd be the case for a lot of dudes.:biggrin1:

 

[Beanie]

ok great insight here guys this was exactly what i was looking for! some really interesting stuff here.

first off @trinnium: the gender would affect the relationship in a different way as opposed to any other type of relationship because when a straight guy is in a relationship hes being sexually fulfilled by his girlfriend because hes attracted to women and nothing else, in a bisexual monogamous relationship, there is a whole other side of their sexuality that isnt being and cannot be fulfilled by their current partner.

obviously this is not a blanket rule for bisexual relationships but this could and no doubt has become a problem for people in their relationships and bi_mmf has proved that in his post.

at the end of the day, if im in a relationship with some one i want to fulfill them, make them happy etc. but how could you possibly do that in this situation? is it fair for me to want a monogamous with a bisexual guy when im effectively restricting a whole part of his sexuality?

 

[B_RedDude]

Beanie, you seem to be a sensitive, unselfish, ethical young man. With qualities like those, plus being cute, you should be able to attract a quality partner.

ok great insight at the end of the day, if im in a relationship with some one i want to fulfill them, make them happy etc. but how could you possibly do that in this situation? is it fair for me to want a monogamous with a bisexual guy when im effectively restricting a whole part of his sexuality?

 

[Beanie]

well thank you very much for that RedDude but i havent been too lucky in that department as yet :-S

 

[B_RedDude]

Dude, I wish I were your age and starting all over again.

well thank you very much for that RedDude but i havent been too lucky in that department as yet :-S

 

[deleted509196]

To me - bisexuality makes the most sense, but that's probably because I am, if I wasn't then the sexuality I was would probably make the most sense. To me, though, men can be beautiful, so can women. Men can be nice, so can women. You could love/fancy either (well, I could anyway). I've heard that everyone is bi, or no one is 100% 'one way', but I'm not sure about that. I do know how fluid sexuality can be though, even being bisexual you can sometimes feel 'more straight' or 'more gay' and it varies.

My boyfriend is also bisexual, so I can comment on this firsthand I guess. Although - everyone is different. Some bi people are not monogamous, but some are. As with any sexuality. I don't think because you like both you are more or less likely to be monogamous. The thing about me, and my boyfriend, is we just want each other really. However, we have urges and stuff, and we've both talked about maybe kissing someone of the same sex, or more. We haven't found anyone, so haven't done it, but if we're both OK with it... then it's OK I guess. It's complicated because we can get jealous, but at the same time, of course we will think about the same sex too sometimes. I think if one of us or both of us wanted to not do this, we basically wouldn't, but I think we're quite open minded, so if the situation came along, there's at least a maybe. As long as we were still commited and wouldn't run off with someone else, you know. Having said what I just said, of course bi people can just be with one person if they are in love. Some people might want more, at least on some level, but say the same for some straight/gay people too.

Also as I've said, sexuality is fluid. Even bisexuality can vary from person to person, or vary to one person. For example; I do sometimes think about girls quite a bit, but at other times I mostly just think about guys. I could fancy/love either, but haven't had as much experience with girls. With my boyfriend, he says the same, but says he is generally only attracted to men 'physically' and doesn't often have relationships with them. Although I think he has had some, but he says it's usually more towards women in the physical and emotional sense.

 

[joeweekend]

For those bi guys who have never had any kind of emotional attachment to another male:

Do you think you might, if there was no one else around who knew?

 

[swimmersox]

Responding to Joeweekend's comment above:
Thanks. Yes, you raise a very potent point. It is indeed possible that 'if no one knew,' I (for one) might well have followed a life path that involved emotional relationships -- or more accurately, perhaps -- partnerships with men, as well as solely with women, as has been the case.
I say this out of a sense of intellectual acknowledgment that you are probably right, not out of any actual (conscious, at least) feelings of having 'repressed' part of my 'true self.' (And indeed, I do know what THAT feels like, very much, from all those/these years of, first, hiding, and now/later, 'sidelining/marginalizing' my sexual attraction to men as well as women.)
For me, probably a more on-point way of expressing the thought you raise is that, were society when I was growing up (or today, for that matter) totally and completely accepting of same-sex emotional partnering, I might well have evolved differently. But as it happened, I believe the person (sexual, emotional, etc.) that I am today is a creature BOTH of my organic hard-wiring, especially when it comes to physical attraction and lust, AND the socialization of my/our environment, which, even at it's most tolerant, does very overwhelmingly program all of us to view life and the world through the lense of male-female foundational relationships. (Indeed, how much more foundational can you get than the structure of mother and father?)
Alright, enough inside-the-head cud-chewing: My basic point is that I strongly believe that my own bisexuality, at least, is very much the product both of my inborn biology/brain chemistry and of the world and society into which I was born, and in which I, & all of us, continue to live.
So there ...

 

[B_dxjnorto]

My boyfriend is also bisexual, so I can comment on this firsthand I guess. Although - everyone is different. Some bi people are not monogamous, but some are. As with any sexuality. I don't think because you like both you are more or less likely to be monogamous. The thing about me, and my boyfriend, is we just want each other really. However, we have urges and stuff, and we've both talked about maybe kissing someone of the same sex, or more. We haven't found anyone, so haven't done it, but if we're both OK with it... then it's OK I guess. It's complicated because we can get jealous, but at the same time, of course we will think about the same sex too sometimes. I think if one of us or both of us wanted to not do this, we basically wouldn't, but I think we're quite open minded, so if the situation came along, there's at least a maybe. As long as we were still commited and wouldn't run off with someone else, you know. Having said what I just said, of course bi people can just be with one person if they are in love. Some people might want more, at least on some level, but say the same for some straight/gay people too.

Dream girl. Dream relationship. Please know that your mutual candor is special and beautiful. I wish there were more out there like you!

 

[Beanie]

@ RedDude, why do you wish you were my age and starting all over again? howd you mean? what would you of done differently?

and thanks you to lustful for your insight into your own experiences and relationship but i not sure i would be happy in your circumstances but as this blog clearly states, we are all different

 

[B_RedDude]

Well, I'm more than twice your age, so I'm mourning my lost youth:wink:. I had a very difficult time with my sexual orientation because of my religion (RC) and some other issues, so it's more like me saying if I thought and felt then the way I do now, I might have been much happier.

@ RedDude, why do you wish you were my age and starting all over again? howd you mean? what would you of done differently?

 

[boomman]

Honestly, I think that it is possible to have a monogamous relationship with a bi guy. Prime example is that I am bi and I have only dated bi guys, and to my knowledge it was totally monogamous.

But to me the problem is having a long relationship. I've been in a relationship 3 times with guys and it has lasted no longer than 6 months.

In my opinion, being attracted to both sexes makes it difficult feeling content with the one you're with. I sometimes feel like "I'm happy wit a guy but could I be happier with a girl or vice versa?"

It makes things complicated......especially with a person like me who wants to make kids. Another factor from me is that I'm not out, so that may add to the complexity of my situation.

Seriously, if I could choose to be either straight or gay I would, but life doesn't work that way. Just trying to give another point of view

 

[Beanie]

ah right, i understand now RedDude

thanks for your input boomman, that was exactly what im afraid of, i believe that its possible for anyone, regardless of gender, sexual orientation or any other variable, to have a monogamous relationship but what concerns me is the life span of that relationship, monogamy is one thing but long term contentment with the person your with is another and that is what i ultimately want...

 

[B_RedDude]

Beanie will stop communicating with me now because I'm old. Do I sound pathetic or what?:wink:

Well, I'm more than twice your age, so I'm mourning my lost youth:wink:.[/QUOTE]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Beanie

@ RedDude, why do you wish you were my age and starting all over again? howd you mean? what would you of done differently?