relationships and bisexual men

[midlifebear]

I had a guy in my life who wasn't friend. We never socialized. Sometimes we'd drive up PCH1 and find nude beach to fuck on all day. But I never spent the night at his place and he never spent the night at mine. He was married and was "sticking with it" until his only child turned 18 and moved out of the house. However, sexually we just clicked. It was great, even though we hooked up about once every two months. Even my lover at the time approved once I dragged him into a three-way with they guy. He understood and was a bit envious, but not jealous.

One day I went to see a bad Liz Taylor film at a legitimate cinema and there was my doorbell trade fuck with his wife standing right in front of us. Of course, we did not acknowledge one another. And I was surprised to see how mousey and grandma-like his wife was. He made a living working for California's favorite electric power company as a lineman, climbing power lines and doing lots of butch stuff. So, you can imagine the build on this guy. He wasn't the most handsome face in the litter, but he was as masculine as they come, and that's how I like 'em.

After 10 years or so I ran into him at a gay bar where I was working. He had a GYMB (great young male beauty) hanging onto him. He'd recently divorced and this pretty young (and hung) blonde about the same age as his own 18 year-old son was his first serious same sex relationship. And the GYMB wasn't too pleased to find out about me. We didn't see each other for a couple of years. One day I found him at the tubs and dragged him off with me. He loved my cock and he wasn't anything to throw back, himself. I gave him a full body massage, turning him over on his back and taking my time. I greased up his dick with clots of good old Vaseline and sat down on him, sliding his cock back and forth between my butt cheeks. Obviously, we still "clicked" and without even thinking about it I had his cock up my ass so deep that he received without question one of the best fucks of his life. And I'm usually the top. Go figure.

After I'd made him shoot for the third time (never dismounted) we had the usual "pillow" talk. His wife had taken him for everything. He was broken hearted over losing his boy toy. Wanted another one real bad. And he was basically starting over as a bi male with a penchant for getting fucked at 45 years old. Quite the daddy. I invited him over for several group gropes hoping he'd run into someone he might match up with. Not once during the time we knew each other did we ever consider hooking up as a couple. We both recognized that our attraction for each other was something special that we didn't want to mess up. We NEVER had a bad time with one another. I can still jack off in less than a minute just thinking of fucking him or him fucking me. He was one of the few men I've known who knew what he was doing and where all the buttons were located.

Eventually, he remarried. I remember thinking, "Poor bastard. If he could just meet the right guy." But I didn't know as much as I know now. His second marriage lasted until he succumbed to AIDS in the late 1980s. His wife never contracted the virus. But when you got right down to it, it didn't matter if he was with a man or a woman. He just loved to fuck and be fucked; especially the latter. I'm quite certain the fact I never demanded anything of him was a reason we had such a great "booty call" relationship. I had plenty of men who weren't part of my social circle who would show up at my door to get fucked senseless and then disappear for a couple of weeks. In many ways, they were better relationships that the ones I became involved in over the years and had to "work at." But my bi sexual fuck buddy was a person (remember, I never said we were friends) for whom I'm grateful for having known in my lifetime. If he were alive today he'd be in his late 70s and I'd still have no problem getting down, dirty, and nasty with him. He was good. Fortunately, I was sensible and never turned him down. There are only so many days in a life and the more of them spent making passionate nasty to the core love, the better.

Sorry for high jacking the thread. But that's how I've handled bisexual relationships and also being bisexual, which I decided I no longer was when I turned 50. I much prefer men, their cocks, their smell, and their bodies to those of even luscious and beautiful 20-something gorgeous pussy. And there's plenty of it around me if I want it. I don't. But I'll go shopping for shoes with them. LOL!

 

[boomman]

ah right, i understand now RedDude

thanks for your input boomman, that was exactly what im afraid of, i believe that its possible for anyone, regardless of gender, sexual orientation or any other variable, to have a monogamous relationship but what concerns me is the life span of that relationship, monogamy is one thing but long term contentment with the person your with is another and that is what i ultimately want...

Well I guess my question to u is do you perfer to be in a relationship with gay man or a bi man?

 

[Bigtimes]

I don't believe monogamous and bisexual go together. One is defined as no outside relationships, the other means multiple relationships. That's what it is all about. A true lover is such because they can satisfy any partner, not just men or just women.

 

[D_Harvey Schmeckel]

I wonder how many baby boomer men like me feel that their bisexuality was stunted/withered by the arrival of HIV on the scene in the early 80s. I had one sexual relationship with a woman off-and-on from 1974 to 1980, but once the "gay disease" panic hit, I felt that bisexual men were every American woman's greatest fear. In the late 70s bisexuality seemed ready to become the next big thing, but by the 80s that was impossible due to the fears associated with AIDS. Rather than face humiliating interrogations about my sexual history from prospective female partners, I just gave up on expressing that side of my desires. Thirty years later I feel a definite twinge of "path not taken" regarding sexual experiences that I never had. But don't we all in one way or another?

 

[Beanie]

well to answer you question boomman; to put it bluntly, i have never had a relationship with either. guy my age are not out for long term relationships and as far as i am concerned if your not in it for the long term or you dont see a future etc. then there's no reason for you to be in a relationship, you become, quite simply, a place holder untill that time and/or person comes along who you do feel that with.

im currently single basically because i havent found the right guy yet, sure part of it is down to me turning guys down but is there really anything wrong with me not settling?? being realistic here im not going to say that i fully expect that my first ever boyfriend will turn out to be 'the one' and we are going to live happily ever after, because i dont, and quite frankly the odds are stacked way against me on that one but shouldnt i at least feel that we have a future together to be with him in the first place?

but to go back to your original question, as i have no experience on which to draw for any comparison on my preference i can only guess, and my guess would be that it wouldnt really matter. years ago in my immature teens, i had thought about it and did think that i would never have a relationship with a bisexual man because it would be too complicated and i wouldnt be able to satisfy him completely, and i have some what held on to this belief but have grown up a little and am questioning my reasoning, hence why i created this blog.

but basically my view on it is that if i am in a relationship then some very important criteria has been fulfilled and that i see a future with this person, so if we are both happy within the relationship then i dont really see a reason why me in a relationship with a bisexual man would be any different to a totally gay man.

@Bigtimes: can you elaborate any further on why you dont think that relationships with bisexual men can be monogamous? you have a very valid point when you say "true lover is such because they can satisfy any partner, not just men or just women" but as others have said, why cant just one partner satisfy a bisexual person? theres stories on this blog to prove it.

 

[AZNEWGUY]

I remember asking another bisexual friend if they considered themself gay since they had sex with men. He said NO ? From the replies I've been reading on this thread, it seems he is not the only one ? What are you thoughts on this ?

 

[D_Evita_Zane]

I don't believe monogamous and bisexual go together. One is defined as no outside relationships, the other means multiple relationships. That's what it is all about. A true lover is such because they can satisfy any partner, not just men or just women.

One means a single faithful relationship and the other means you're attracted to both sexes. Monogamy has to do with your faithfulness in the relationship, doesn't matter if you're gay, straight, or bi. I know straight people who have had a secret something on the side. I'm bi and I've only been with one person at one time.

 

[546820]

Beanie,

You're very open-minded for a monosexual. Big ups

 

[jadnash]

I am Bi, i am not gay. I love hot women, and cute guys. I just love sex i guess. I prefer women for realationships. The guy thing is kind of in the mood. I have a couple of other bi guys that we play on occasion. I cant stand the people who want to out guys as gay, when they are like me, sometimes they want the company of a guy. They are "Bi" guys and alot of "Bi" girls, i know that as fact.

 

[jadnash]

And buy the way, I love to fuck a little twink boy "legal" on occasion too! I love to face fuck them, and watch their face when i fuck them!

 

[B_bi_mmf]

I remember asking another bisexual friend if they considered themself gay since they had sex with men. He said NO ? From the replies I've been reading on this thread, it seems he is not the only one ? What are you thoughts on this ?

For many people -- the overwhelming majority, perhaps -- labeling a guy as "gay" means that he is exclusively, or almost exclusively, interested in men as potential sexual partners. Similarly, labeling a guy as "straight" means that he is exclusively, or almost exclusively, interested in women as potential sexual partners.

Because of this general interpretation of terms, as a bisexual male, I do not feel comfortable describing myself as either gay or straight. And it does not really work for me to claim to be a mixture of both, since each is pretty much defined in terms of the absence of interest in one gender. That is a big part of why I have never felt comfortable describing myself in terms of the LPSG percentage system.

Of course, there are some people who will call a guy "gay" if he has any experience with, or interest in, sex with men. It seems to me that this particular interpretation of the term often stems from homophobia or from extreme discomfort with the very concept of a spectrum of sexual orientations.

 

[B_Hung Jon]

a very interesting but complex question. I am basically straight, and have a serious girlfriend who I love and have a gr8 sex life I am Very attracted to women!

However, I also have a purely physical attraction to certain guys.. few and far between but it's there. I am able to look at a male face, body and cock with great delight. In addition, I had physical relationships with guys when I was at school, mostly oral and mutual wanks etc. This was before I slept with women. i think back with very fond memories though and would do it all again!

So, based on the above most men would say that I am bisexual, and cannot say I am "basically straight". However, I have never been in love with a guy or had that warm fuzzy feeling or emotional attachment with a man. I can honestly say that I could never see myself dating a guy. I just find it possible to be attracted to certain guys and fantasize about those schoolday experiences or the possibility of a MMF threesome where the guys have contact...

In my view true bisexuality refers to people who can have a physical and emotional relationship with either sex.

So the best thing is to think of it as a scale from 100% straight, through to 50/50 and finally 100% gay ( a theory discussed in many places on LPSG). I also think one needs to separate physical attraction from emotional. So on the physical side I consider myself 80% straight and 20% gay.. but emotionally I consider myself 100% straight.

That's my 10 cents worth

I have the exactly opposite situation from Jules. I can't imagine just have what he calls an "physical" relationship with anybody. If I'm having sex and making love with another person, girl or guy, how do I separate my feelings about them? Even though I can call it just physical, emotions do happen during sex, especially if I'm making out with the other person. I've even experienced this when I've was just jerking off with boys when I was a kid and in high school. I still felt something for them. It wasn't like I didn't care anything about them. In fact the guys I would jerk off with were close buddies and I did have feelings for them. That was why I felt comfortable about wanking with them. I'm always amazed at how many of us can separate intimate feelings about others with little or no concern.

 

[D_Andy_Whorewall]

a very interesting but complex question. I am basically straight, and have a serious girlfriend who I love and have a gr8 sex life I am Very attracted to women!

However, I also have a purely physical attraction to certain guys.. few and far between but it's there. I am able to look at a male face, body and cock with great delight. In addition, I had physical relationships with guys when I was at school, mostly oral and mutual wanks etc. This was before I slept with women. i think back with very fond memories though and would do it all again!

So, based on the above most men would say that I am bisexual, and cannot say I am "basically straight". However, I have never been in love with a guy or had that warm fuzzy feeling or emotional attachment with a man. I can honestly say that I could never see myself dating a guy. I just find it possible to be attracted to certain guys and fantasize about those schoolday experiences or the possibility of a MMF threesome where the gituys have contact...

In my view true bisexuality refers to people who can have a physical and emotional relationship with either sex.

So the best thing is to think of it as a scale from 100% straight, through to 50/50 and finally 100% gay ( a theory discussed in many places on LPSG). I also think one needs to separate physical attraction from emotional. So on the physical side I consider myself 80% straight and 20% gay.. but emotionally I consider myself 100% straight.
i
That's my 10 cents worth

Jules...you took the words out of my mouth. I have beenin a commited relationship for 30 years...but have always wanted to explore my bi-side. I too experimented as a teen and thougt I would NEVER get a chance to be free enough to be sexual with a man again.

I am not gay in any manurism or tendency, I'm as straight as one could act. I just want to feel that freedom of openess that comes with exploring my other side.

Do I intend of falling in love ? NO ! Do I intend on forming a long lasting relationship? NO! Do I intend on leaving my current situation ? NO!

I just feel it's time for me to be me ! Of course without having my wife found out....nor hurting her emotionaly if she were to think she is no longer good enough for me.

It's a tangled web for sure !

 

[AZNEWGUY]

For many people -- the overwhelming majority, perhaps -- labeling a guy as "gay" means that he is exclusively, or almost exclusively, interested in men as potential sexual partners. Similarly, labeling a guy as "straight" means that he is exclusively, or almost exclusively, interested in women as potential sexual partners.

Because of this general interpretation of terms, as a bisexual male, I do not feel comfortable describing myself as either gay or straight. And it does not really work for me to claim to be a mixture of both, since each is pretty much defined in terms of the absence of interest in one gender. That is a big part of why I have never felt comfortable describing myself in terms of the LPSG percentage system.

Of course, there are some people who will call a guy "gay" if he has any experience with, or interest in, sex with men. It seems to me that this particular interpretation of the term often stems from homophobia or from extreme discomfort with the very concept of a spectrum of sexual orientations.

That is such a complicated subject. I guess its one of those things that can't be answered. Yes I'm one of those crazy guys that think if you have sex with men, that it would be considered gay to a lot of people.

 

[Charles Finn]

for me I was always bi but liked guys much better
for me better sex and less drama.
lol
happy bi at 42 and prefer guys

 

[Beanie]

@uncut wonder: thank you so much you said what i tried to very well ahah and you also represent the sort of bisexual guy i would need in order to have a relationship with him so thank you for you input.

@duende: thanks dude! but my look at it is that you have to be, closed mindedness get you no where and only hinders the progress of others and the community as a whole.

as i said before, were getting a lot of insight into how bisexuality differs and there's a LOT of variation! i get the feeling from the bisexual guys here that you feel miss understood with your sexuality and feel you need to justify it from the lack of understanding of others, am i right?

theres definitely a lot to be understood regarding bisexuality due to the massive variation and im learning a lot with this thread so thanks guy!

 

[D_Evita_Zane]

theres definitely a lot to be understood regarding bisexuality due to the massive variation and im learning a lot with this thread so thanks guy!

That's whats difficult even for me to deal with. It isn't as concrete as people think it should be. I have a sexual attraction to guys, but I'm not 100% sure if I'd be romantically involved with one (maybe discreetly). I have an emotional and a sexual attraction to women. That being said, some days I just don't like pussy and crave cock, and some days it's the opposite.

 

[arkfarmbear]

I thought "orientation" was defined as who one preferred!
If that is correct no one else should even try to label another person's orientation.
To do so calls for you to read the other person's mind, which isn't possible.

 

[220483]

I've asked similar questions about bissexuality cause I had a bi bf, and the hardest thing was knowing he would be having sex with other women [even though he said I was his only guy...] and not be faithfull to me.. we are still friends and have a 'colourful friendship [with benefits I mean], but no longer a relationship.. It didn't work, cause the time spent with me wasn't the one I wanted!
SO, it's possible to have a bi relation, but you'll always be shared or be sharing...

 

[Beanie]

yes i think bisexuality is extremely fluid as is all sexuality, but bisexuality is a prime example because its such a wide scope so to speak, and as you said uncut wonder, changes from day to day!

@arkfarmbear: i think you raise a valid point about labels. i think we are too quick to label people nowadays and pigeon hole them in doing so and its completely wrong, how can you possibly put something as restricting as a label on something that is as fluid and should be as free and open as sexuality? restrictions like these are what proves and ultimately supplements ignorance.

@220483: i can completely agree with all but the last line of you post. if i was in the same position, as i thought about as a 'what if?' scenario towards the beginning of this thread, i would do exactly what you did. if im in a relationship with some one its just us, i dont share! and i couldnt deal with the fact that he would want to be with a woman, if we were together then that would mean that we fulfill each other, or at least should, as without that there would be no longevity to the relationship we shared, hence why im banging on about monogamy all the time ahah.

bu the thing is youv had one experience with one bisexual man, not to say its any less valid than others stories here, but you seem to have taken your experience as the one and only way a relationship can go with a bisexual man and its simply cant be the case with something that is so fluid as bisexuality and as other bisexuals have proved on this thread: excepting polygamy as part of a relationship with a bisexual person or breaking up/ not getting together in the first place are not the only options.