Relationships And Masturbation

Mittimer

Superior Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Aug 31, 2018
Posts
681
Media
0
Likes
4,618
Points
538
Verification
View
Sexuality
Pansexual
Gender
Female
I give zero fucks about @Mr_Mitt getting off. None whatsoever. There are times where I'll cage him or control his ability to get off, but that's all part of the D/s game. But other times he's free to jerk it as often as he wants, often times before work in the shower for ease of clean up.

He also has zero care about how often I get off at home.

Masturbating doesn't change our sex life. It doesn't change our frequency we'd be having sex. It's just a natural part of a healthy sexual existence.

Caring about or maliciously controlling your partners self lovin habbit due to your own jealousy or insecurity isn't healthy or even mildly ok.
 
Last edited:
7

7053701

Guest
What are your feelings about masturbation in a relationship?
It's your body. It is also your partner's body. If you, or they, want to please themselves then that is their business. It is a normal, healthy part of practically (i had to put that caveat in there) everyone's lives. Being in a relationship doesn't mean you hand over your genital rights to the other person, and they get to dole out your personal pleasure when they see fit.
 

Cooper72

Worshipped Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
May 4, 2020
Posts
13,763
Media
79
Likes
15,098
Points
233
Location
Alabama (United States)
Verification
View
Sexuality
99% Straight, 1% Gay
Gender
Male
My first wife caught me once and you would think she caught me fucking her best friend as mad as she got. I told her if she would give it to me more than 2-3 times a year I wouldn’t need to fix it myself. That just made her madder and she actually threatened to leave me because of it.

My current wife wants to be the one to give me all my orgasms but understands with our work schedules sometimes I need to relieve myself and she’s ok with it. Sometimes she will even watch or help if she is temporarily out of commission.
 

erpap

Worshipped Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Jan 4, 2016
Posts
6,902
Media
0
Likes
12,894
Points
258
Location
United States
Verification
View
Sexuality
No Response
Gender
Male
I give zero fucks about @Mr_Mitt getting off. None whatsoever. There are times where I'll cage him or control his ability to get off, but that's all part of the D/s game. But other times he's free to jerk it as often as he wants, often times before work in the shower for ease of clean up.

He also has zero care about how often I get off at home.

Masturbating doesn't change our sex life. It doesn't change our frequency we'd be having sex. It's just a natural part of a healthy sexual existence.

Caring about or maliciously controlling your partners self lovin habbit due to your own jealousy or insecurity isn't healthy or even mildly ok.
That’s it! When it doesn’t change the frequency of your sex life! When it does it’s an issue.
 

techpump

Superior Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Oct 3, 2010
Posts
1,862
Media
71
Likes
8,228
Points
443
Location
USA
Verification
View
Sexuality
99% Straight, 1% Gay
Gender
Male
My wife demands that I masturbate frequently or whenever I want or need to. She's always been like that since we first started dating 22 years ago. I have always been able to give her exactly what she needs and wants sexually, and she the same for me. But, she understands masturbation is important for full wellness and personal health and, to her, there's no need for me to "take a night off" just because she's not feeling sexy and knows she can't give herself and me her all.

Now, don't get me wrong, we spend lots and lots of time together doing all kinds of things and me jerking off for an hour or less in the evening isn't ruining our relationship time (like watching movies/shows, playing games, talking, reading, etc.). If anything I'll go off to cum and 45 or so minutes later come back and we'll hang and watch something, etc..

And, she's a pro when it comes to her masturbation. She cums her ever loving brains out, sometimes much more intensely than when she's getting off with me. She can have dozens of Os during sex with me but can edge and perfect one super O on her own that obliterates her senses and understanding of reality. She winds up cumming on her own about as much as I do. What can I say, we've been extremely sexual for a long time, together or alone!
 

Mittimer

Superior Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Aug 31, 2018
Posts
681
Media
0
Likes
4,618
Points
538
Verification
View
Sexuality
Pansexual
Gender
Female
And does masturbation with other people online cross a line in the relationship?
Yes-ish. It really depends on the relationship and people within.

If you're hiding it from your partner because it could upset them, hurt them or your relationship, then yes, it's crossing a line.

If it's above board and everyone knows and consents, then no, it's not a crossed line.
 
7

7053701

Guest
Yes-ish. It really depends on the relationship and people within.

If you're hiding it from your partner because it could upset them, hurt them or your relationship, then yes, it's crossing a line.

If it's above board and everyone knows and consents, then no, it's not a crossed line.
I don't agree with that.

Does your partner share their porn sites with you? Specifically, the videos, kink, and fetish that get them off? Did they ask permission, for you to give the go-ahead for them?

Do you do that for them as well? Did they consent to you doing that, with whatever brand of porn turns you on?

I think we've moved on from the perception that random, anonymous online sex means anything more than a 10 minute video to jerk off to. It is an evolution of porn, not an affair.

Magazines --> Videos --> live anonymous cam sex

They don't know my name, and I don't know theirs. We don't date. There aren't clingy goodbyes and passionate hellos. No one is going to get a divorce so they can spend all their time with their online cam model-of-the-moment.

There was a discussion in another thread about spouses who get upset over their partner masturbating. Others get upset that their wife/gf uses a dildo. What that boils down to is control, and jealousy. Cam sex is a different medium of porn, but it still falls into the same category. It doesn't even come close to crossing the threshold of being extra-marital, anymore than a woman is cheating on her partner with a rabbit-eared 8" Black Max, or a husband beats off into the bathroom sink after shaving in the morning.
 

Tight_N_Juicy

Mythical Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Oct 14, 2012
Posts
18,266
Media
138
Likes
63,587
Points
508
Location
U.S.A.
Verification
View
Sexuality
Pansexual
Gender
Female
We both know that the other needs to just get ourselves off and that is not about being unsatisfied with the sex we have.

I don't do it as often as he does, and I do know how often he does it because we've talked about it, but I know what it's like to just need to fuck oneself. He has a strong, healthy libido which I'm happy about. I wouldn't expect him to save every load for me, and I wouldn't want him to. I love having sex with my fella, and we do it several times a week most weeks. But I'm not always horny exactly at the same time as him and vice versa. Sometimes he's tired, or maybe took care of himself earlier and isn't in the mood to get his stamina back up just for my sake. So, I take care of things myself when that's the case, or when *I* don't feel like giving it my all.

Sex is wonderful, but having it with someone means I have to be aware of their pleasure and try to give them a healthy orgasm. Sometimes I don't want to put in the extra effort, same goes for him. I think everyone knows what it's like to just want to cum without having to focus on the other person's pleasure. Sometimes I just gotta fuck me. Sometimes he just gotta fuck him.

If he generally *preferred* masturbating to sex with me and I had to struggle to get him to save his cum for me and my bits it would be a problem.. but I've never found myself in that situation.
 

Tight_N_Juicy

Mythical Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Oct 14, 2012
Posts
18,266
Media
138
Likes
63,587
Points
508
Location
U.S.A.
Verification
View
Sexuality
Pansexual
Gender
Female
Cam sex is a different medium of porn, but it still falls into the same category. It doesn't even come close to crossing the threshold of being extra-marital
I don't agree with that.

If he's hiding it from me, it's cheating. Period. Interacting with the person, not just watching prerecorded video, is different in my eyes. I wouldn't be ok with my guy camming with someone, but I'm totally fine with him watching porn.

And yes, I know what he watches. He knows what I watch.

I know you weren't talking to me but hey, it's an open discussion.
 
D

deleted9718551

Guest
If it's putting a strain on the relationship, talk it out and find a compromise. You shouldn't hide the fact that you're masturbating from your partner.
 
7

7053701

Guest
I don't agree with that.

If he's hiding it from me, it's cheating. Period. Interacting with the person, not just watching prerecorded video, is different in my eyes. I wouldn't be ok with my guy camming with someone, but I'm totally fine with him watching porn.

And yes, I know what he watches. He knows what I watch.

I know you weren't talking to me but hey, it's an open discussion.

Ok. So what bothers you about it? To go back to what I said:

I think we've moved on from the perception that random, anonymous online sex means anything more than a 10 minute video to jerk off to. It is an evolution of porn, not an affair

There was a discussion in another thread about spouses who get upset over their partner masturbating. Others get upset that their wife/gf uses a dildo. What that boils down to is control, and jealousy
 

Tight_N_Juicy

Mythical Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Oct 14, 2012
Posts
18,266
Media
138
Likes
63,587
Points
508
Location
U.S.A.
Verification
View
Sexuality
Pansexual
Gender
Female
Ok. So what bothers you about it? To go back to what I said:

I'm ok with admitting I might be jealous of the idea of him interacting with some stranger I don't know. I don't "control" him, though. We have conversations about what we are and aren't ok with happening in our relationship. We set boundaries *together*. We communicate about it. I'm open with him about my potential jealousy just like I'm being here now.

So, I'm ok with disagreeing with you about the idea that camming is basically in the same vein as watching porn. To me, it's not. My guy feels the same way. So in my relationship, we've decided it's off limits. We have a great sex life, and we both enjoy masturbating. We both want to avoid doing things that make the other uncomfortable or unhappy. We don't control each other. We respect each other's boundaries. Big difference.
 
7

7053701

Guest
I'm ok with admitting I might be jealous of the idea of him interacting with some stranger I don't know. I don't "control" him, though. We have conversations about what we are and aren't ok with happening in our relationship. We set boundaries *together*. We communicate about it. I'm open with him about my potential jealousy just like I'm being here now.

So, I'm ok with disagreeing with you about the idea that camming is basically in the same vein as watching porn. To me, it's not. My guy feels the same way. So in my relationship, we've decided it's off limits. We have a great sex life, and we both enjoy masturbating. We both want to avoid doing things that make the other uncomfortable or unhappy. We don't control each other. We respect each other's boundaries. Big difference.
Fair. My partner and I have boundaries as well, that other people might find odd given their own personal permissions and openness. To be honest, I might have something to say if my partner were only camming with one person on a regular basis, but that would also depend on if they were a regular Joe Blo, or a pro cam personality. That would be a significant difference for me.

But, say, going on Chaturbate and browsing the people there, landing on one or two, and chatting while getting off? Not an issue for me at all. I do respect that it might be one for you and your partner.