Relationships - giving, taking and sharing.

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by Lordpendragon, Oct 26, 2006.

  1. Lordpendragon

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    It's strange for a guy apparently, but I have been thinking a lot recently about relationships.

    I think that I am more of a giver, yet if someone is not naturally a taker then I get a bit lost and drift away and we end up not sharing. Can you make yourself something that you are not for the sake of an otherwise wonderful relationship?

    Does this make sense in your own experiences?
     
  2. D_PlankWilliams

    D_PlankWilliams New Member

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    Lord,

    I have been in the same situation you are. Like you I am too also a giver but it depends on what areas of a relationship. There are areas that I am a giver while others i can be more of a take. I think thats why it such a challenge to find the right person for you . You need to find someone the compliments you and where you are a giver they are a taker and vice versa. Its a challenge but its also a fun part of dating. I think in no circumstances should you change who you are to please someone else. I believe if you do that you will just end up happy and eventually you will revert to your old ways.
     
  3. D_Sheffield Thongbynder

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    My natural inclination, LP, is to be a giver, but I think it's important in a realtionship to read your partner's needs and be a taker if the situation demands. In a working partnership, he/she will do likewise. Accommodation is necessary for long-term relationships, IMO. In a sense, taking is a from of giving when it is motivated by love.
     
  4. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    I need someone to give me alot for me to be able to give back .. If someone dosent give me their everything emotionally, mentally and physically then i start to wonder why and is if for a reason. If they are stand off-ish i tend to back away very quickly

    That being said if someone does give me their all i will gladly give them everything i have/am .. I do think i am a giver but i need to take a little first to feel secure with the relationship
     
  5. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    See, no one is taking the other side. A good relationship has Give AND Take aspects. You give as much as you get. Think about it, if one person is doing all the taking, then they are needy and the other person is giving too much.

    I tend to give more than I need to and as a result I get taken advantage of. I am working on it... but work in progress.:rolleyes:
     
  6. hungthickdc

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    I would argue that most people would say they are givers. I think we are much more aware of when we are giving than when we are taking.
     
  7. Lordpendragon

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    Very interesting points everyone.

    I wonder if there is an element in the way that men are brought up to be so self sufficient that makes us feel that we are the givers and don't need to take. I think this has happened to me and I almost stop a partner from giving though they would want to very much. Giving definitely improves your self worth and so if you don't take what someone wants to give, you potentially undermine their worth.

    There sure are a lot of takers though - so I agree Lee, always test the temperature before you jump in the bath. :smile:
     
  8. Rubenesque

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    I'm definitely a giver, and have, at times, really struggled to be 'given'. I don't know if it's a psychological thing - do I not feel as though I 'deserve'?

    My best friend worries about me because she's observed that I'm only happy in a relationship 'til the point when the guy seems really keen, then I back off. And since she's pointed it out I've realised she's absolutely right. I want the guys that are non-commital, and the ones that make it obvious that they really like me I am very dubious about.

    Do I subconsiously think that if someone really likes me there must be something wrong with them?

    I haven't a clue - but unless I figure it out I expect I'll remain single for a very long time!
     
  9. Lordpendragon

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    Most men like real women. The kids can have FHM or whatever it is. We don't see the women's magazines where corpses are presented as the ideal woman and we always test larger figures by choice than women when surveyed.

    Check the comments and scores in your gallery Denise - no one makes us post.
     
  10. DC_DEEP

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    I agree that most people would tend to think of themselves as "givers" rather than "takers." There is some deep-rooted psychology there.

    No, LPD, I don't think you can make yourself into something that you are not. But you can make some adjustments.

    As hard as it may be for you to be a taker, from time to time you should probably step back and review the situation differently. Perhaps one of the things you truly need to "give" to another person is the right and the opportunity to let them "give" to you. In other words, give the gift of letting her give something to you.
     
  11. Rubenesque

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    Yeah but that's assuming my insecurities are all based on my physical form, and I'm not sure they are. I don't know what they are or why I seem so unable to have a functional relationship. Here's hoping I work it out one day lol :biggrin1:

    Thanks for the kind words though xxxxxxx

     
  12. Lordpendragon

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    Guilty as charged on my assumption :redface: .

    One thing that I have seen over the years, and on this site, is people suddenly realising that people like them, or appreciating what they have to say and add to a discussion, or thinking that they are funny. I think it's great, sensible people can tell you that your issues about yourself are irrational and you should trust them sometimes - you can keep this self perception but at least you can see that other people don't automatically see the same thing.

    It is on topic in so much as we can have barriers to allowing people to take from us :smile:
     
  13. Ethyl

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    I agree with DC in that we all want to think we're givers We're taught that giving is always good and unselfish, taking from others is a purely selfish act, and sharing means everything is equally divided, which isn't always true. Sometimes people give because they expect something in return, or take because they want and appreciate whatever their partner wants to share of themselves, or one may offer more of themselves than their partner does.

    Relationships are seasonal. The ebb and flow of relationships depend on one partner needing more attention than the other at any given time. I've found my relationships to be much more fulfilling after realizing this some time ago. Otherwise we worry about whether our partner's giving has conditions or not and manipulation often follows. The potential to learn how to freely accept and give unconditionally is probably the single most unique quality humans possess. Jung asserted that the unconsious reveals itself in the least developed areas of ourselves and if that's true, retaining a certain objectivity about our actions is not always possible.

    Since i'm thinking out loud, i'll say i've learned that I want to give freely and receive from others-in any type of relationship-without regret or reservation. Do I think I succeed most of the time? Yes. But I also remember what Jung said and try to make personal developmental adjustments as needed along the way. Interestingly, these necessary adjustments are not always the result of sudden intuitive realizations but are sometimes brought to my attention by others.. :redface:
     
  14. Snakebyte

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    same for me. Couldn't have sayd it better.
    luckily there are some taking women out there :wink:
     
  15. Gisella

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    I'm confused by that...:confused: wonderfull in what other areas?

    No..if I'm 'can not' express the full me and receiving with same intensity in all giving, taking, sharing areas there is not a connection and I'm out..it did not went to wonderful stage of a relationship...
     
  16. Lordpendragon

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    I suppose it is like two polite strangers opening a door for each other, both waiting for the other to enter first.

    If you have two prone to give people, when neither takes what you want to give, then you can feel that they don't want what you are offering.

    MB - you say some wonderful things when you think out loud. May be I should stop travelling all around and get my seasons in sync.
     
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