Relationships oh boy.

[D_Tailforth Teabag]

Ay, so this has probably been done before but i am too lazy to look.

Relationships: for other gay members, and straight/bi as well, how do you go about finding a relationship? I've always been a pretty independent guy but since I came out (~6 months ago) I've been desiring to be in a relationship. It's not even about the physical to me anymore. Don't get me wrong, the physical is fun but I've done that and it just doesn't make me happy. I try and get out there, I went to gay clubs but the type of people there just don't interest me. Call me old fashion but in those instances I like to know the person who is grinding on me. I love conversation and getting to know someone without have to question if they are only trying to get in my pants. I've always been a relationship type of guy and definitely love the masculine type of guy. but how do you meet people? Or maybe I should stop looking, and let it find me? any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Cockmo]

thats a bit of a tough question to answer. for me, i had kind of stopped looking, more or less, and one day, i met up with somebody(my boyfriend/partner) and it went from there. we were a bit apprehensive to get into a relationship for a couple of reasons so we decided to just take a step back and see where it would go. and it ended up being more serious than we thought when we first met. neither me and my boyfriend were looking for someone seriously or a serious relationship; just someone to spend time with, if that makes sense.

and just doing the physcial, while fun at first, gets old pretty quick. thats how i was for quite some time and it just wore me out; my boyfriend was the same as well. we both wanted to know who we were having sex with. we wanted to spend time together outside of the bedroom doing fun, non-sexual things.

clubs usually arent the best place to meet people; we both know that from experience. however, a nice upscale bar is always a nice place to see and be seen. heck, try a dating site to see what happens. but, in my experience, it always happens when you least expect it! dont get your hopes up! i went through a time of loneliness for almost five years before i found my boyfriend/partner!

hope this helps! best of luck!

 

[8060]

Well, congrats on coming out. I hope it was painless. As for finding a relationship, I'd suggest that you stop looking for one. Make up your mind to be single and act accordingly to your decision and nine times out of ten, you'll meet the perfect person to fall into a relationship with. What is that? Karma? Divine intervention? IRONY? If you want a good relationship, one that doesn't stress and worry you and cause you to go against your 'word', then be patient. Rushing it will only help to make it less than perfect. Good luck!

 

[B_Nick8]

A) Just the title of this thread made me smile so, thanks.
B) I know you'll hate me for this but yes, it actually really will just happen precisely when you stop desperately trying to make it happen and probably when you stop actively looking--life is perverse that way--so try to relax. People who talk about being 'spiritual' and 'centered' generally make me want to puke...but more often than not, they're on the right track. About the centered part at least. You really will attract to you what you put out, so be who you think is attractive as a human being. He'll find you. Take comfort in the fact that, unfortunately, he's just wasting a little more time than he ought to have to.

 

[Corius]

IMHO you are getting good testimony. Thoughts in seeking answers is just about all others can give to you. You have to be open to others and chances are that you will find others who are open to you. Most relationships never do have an overt sexual content, but they are precious just the same. When a relationship becomes more than friendship, when the need for deeper expression is felt by both parties, the bond that exists is often confirmed in sex. But do notice, the bond that allows for meaningful sexual relationship is the foundation. And, for me, that is the gold standard of sexual relationship. Casual sex when compared to that is a treadmill going nowhere.

There is that quality which we call serendipity which equips one to recognize and lay hold of the boons that come into our lives. I was as horny as the next guy when I was young but I was very shy about sex. Only in my mind and fantasy was I having any sex and sex with a male classmate was far removed from my realistic expectation. Yet, it happened and that was because we became so bonded in deep friendship that the move to actual sex came about naturally and seemed so right. That was many years ago and we haven't had sex since high school but we had discovered a part of our sexuality which we had not even considered before. I loved him then and I love him still. That is the beauty and the mystery of sex in the bond of love.

You obviously are asking the right questions and as for advice that which you are giving yourself sounds good. Patience will help.

 

[D_Tailforth Teabag]

i just wanted to say thank you to all of you! i love that i have somewhat talked to two of you already! (8060 and Nick8). the input you guys gave is greatly appreciated. I know I have never had sex, though i almost did but stopped because i knew i was going to regret it, but i know that, to me at least, sex is something special. Something that is earned rather than expected. I guess you are all right, Patience is the only answer. Plus I could be doing a boat load of other good things (not of the sexual variety) in the mean time right? So why dwell on it. Thank you all!

Cockmo: a nice upscale bar huh? I think that is actually what I am looking forward to, I am only 19 after all so i can't really get in... But I do know I think I am much more of a piano bar type than club type anyday.

8060: thanks for the congrats! i still have along way to coming out, (Family, although i know they'll be fine, its just a matter of getting the guts to do so) but so far nothing bad at all. In just about every situation it was a "Oh My Gosh Congratulations!" haha it was like i won the lottery or something.

Nick8: Yes Spiritual people make me puke. I have yet to meet on that doesn't contradict their words with their actions. otherwise yes. I think relaxing is great advice!

Corius: Thanks. I definitely want love above all.

Thanks again!

 

[D_Fiona_Farvel]

Well, congrats on coming out. I hope it was painless. As for finding a relationship, I'd suggest that you stop looking for one. Make up your mind to be single and act accordingly to your decision and nine times out of ten, you'll meet the perfect person to fall into a relationship with. What is that? Karma? Divine intervention? IRONY? If you want a good relationship, one that doesn't stress and worry you and cause you to go against your 'word', then be patient. Rushing it will only help to make it less than perfect. Good luck!

You really will attract to you what you put out, so be who you think is attractive as a human being. He'll find you. Take comfort in the fact that, unfortunately, he's just wasting a little more time than he ought to have to.

This is great advice!
But, I would add, stop looking but be open to meeting new people and leave the house. I have friends that too often are single, do not want to be, but never leave their house to get exposure to new people.

I know the club isn't your thing anymore - I also stopped about 3 years ago - but still find something active to do. Of my last four boyfriends, two I met randomly walking around NYC while they were on duty, one on a softball team, and the longest term one, well, Ok, Ok, I met him at a Club called 1015 in San Francisco... :biggrin1: I met him again later that morning post-gaming... and met him for the final time post, post-gaming and he was well rewarded for the persistence. :wink:

When you go out, even to the grocery store, be talkative, friendly, smile, and genuinely interested in the people you meet. Sooner or later, someone will notice and approach based on the good energy you put out.

Again, be genuine and friendly when you feel it, everyone has a bad day, week, and no one will hold it against you if you're not fun and shiny at all times. But overall, it is the good vibes and energy people feel that will attract them to you.

Was that too hippy-ish? :tongue: Anyway, I wish you luck! :fingersx:

 

[D_Tailforth Teabag]

ahh i love the hippy in you! haha no not hippy-ish at all. thanks for the advice! i think im just gonna not focus and let it find me. just be the happy good person i am and hopefully something will come to fruition! thanks for the advice! keep em coming!