This issue is really getting to me at the moment - so I hope that I can ask your views in a clear fashion even though so many thoughts are whizzing round my little head. I am struggling with what seems to be a very reasonable assertion that if a relationship is going to work, you need to be completely open, have no secrets etc etc.. Personally I struggle with this, both perhaps because I don't want to and because I can see reasons why you shouldn't, though I won't deny that I may be rationalising my stubbornness. I know it doesn't happen over night, but do you expect that in a successful relationship, you will reach a point of total and ongoing openness with your partner? Would you accept a partner who wanted to keep certain things to themselves? Would you expect a partner to accept that you liked to keep certain things to yourself? Before you give me the immediate "You should always be open", please consider this. I was always advised to leave a woman's fantasies to herself if they were indeed just fantasies, and secondly, we read here constantly, "don't ask about previous lovers". Especially in the case of the latter, you can make a judgement on the part of your partner, that they either don't need to know or wouldn't deal with it. So why can't there be other instances like this?