Relationships

[Kimahri]

Ok, there is a wealth of experience here and incredible amounts of tolerance and understanding. You guys have made this experience worthwhile.

Anyway, I read an article sometime back. there was a big thing about "fag stags" and male / male relationships with one guy being gay and the other being straight.

Based on my experience, I feel such a thing can exist. Two guys (or girls, but guys have more issues with it) can be in a relationship, platonically or sexually with one another and not be the same sexual orientation.

What do you guys think and feel about this? I've been fascinated by male / male relationships and found out all I could thru emprical study and formal education. I think once there is a good understanding of this sort of thing, the tensions between the "gay world" and "straight world" will ease.

Guys and girls, gay and straight, feel free to chime in, I want to hear what you think.

 

[Pene_Negro_Grande]

I had a roommate once who was gay...At first he didn't tell me until later - he said that he didn't want me to judge him or freak out...But once he was out to me and he was pretty open about it to anyone - we use to hang out all the time...He really didn't like to got to "straight" clubs w/me - but he and I and this female friend of mine use to go to gay clubs w/him...We actually took him to a male strip club for his birthday...He actually gave me a good understanding of the differences in the gay community...I mean came from a closed minded town and only had one idea of what gay was (really feminine) and he was very masculine and he only dated only masculine guys - that is also the reason it took me so long to figure out he was gay because we actually worked together before we were roommates...Now I am really open and try not to judge at all...To this day - we still keep in touch even though he lives in another state w/his partner now...I tell you one thing - living w/a gay guy - that dude use to get so much action...

 

[D_Martin van Burden]

I suppose I'm torn on this issue. Idealism would tell me that I shouldn't care one way or another -- and that if the guy is a good person, his sexuality shouldn't matter. I think that's true. At the same time, I can count the number of gay male friends I have on me dick 'n balls, and I can honestly say that the reason why I might a friend or two is because they don't act stereotypically gay and that I can talk to them about stuff without them saying "ooh, girl" and all that. That makes me uncomfortable. Furthemore, when I was in undergrad, I made a few gay friends because I thought I could talk to them about finding guys somewhat attractive, but as it turns out, I was judged probably worse than some of the guys I'd play volleyball with.

So, to that end, nah -- if I had a gay bud I probably would keep the relationship kinda light and non-serious unless I really felt like we had a good friendship vibe going. And not that I have all that many straight guy friends either, but I definitely wouldn't think how we could work out a sexual relationship. I don't know. It's just a lot to consider. Don't get me wrong; I"ll go for some head if I'm not left up to much choice, but we better have a damn good understanding before it even gets there.

 

[jonb]

Well, my roommate's bisexual. Haven't done anything serious yet. After a friend of his misunderstood "roommate", we played up the image, even kissing each other in front of his friends. Sort of a reverse beard.

 

[B_DoubleMeatWhopper]

Actually, the majority of my friends are straight males. There have been a few that were curious about gay sex, and I did have sex with some of them. We remained friends afterward. A couple of them later remarked, "I couldn't have tried that with someone I don't consider a friend that I can trust completely." Of course, strictly platonic friendships between a gay male and a straight one tend to be more comfortable than those contain sexual tension.

 

[madame_zora]

Sometimes I wonder how almost everybody has a gay roommate in college, but I did too. She didn't tell me right away, I think because of my age, but after about a month she clued me in that all the people we had been hanging around with were gay but me. She had graciously intorduced me to her whole circle of friends, told them I was straight, helped me find everything around campus. When she told me she was gay I was only sorry she hadn't felt comfortable enough to tell me before.

When her girlfriend cam home in the fall ( she had been on tour with a theatre troupe, the three of us would have big fun kissing each other in front of people, but they knew it was just a hoot for me, nothing awkward ever happened in private.

 

[B_DoubleMeatWhopper]

Originally posted by madame_zora@Feb 4 2005, 07:39 PM
Sometimes I wonder how almost everybody has a gay roommate in college, but I did too.

I didn't have a gay roommate in college, but my roommate did!

 

[txquis]

I have a small circle of closest friends.

FRIEND#1- straight guy...never any feelings of anykind beyond brotherhood for either of us, so yes, this is more than possible.

FRIEND#2-gay guy....we used to date, and remained close.

--hmmmmmmmmm........i need a lesbian friend......any lesbian friends for me out there?

and i havent even begun to think about my many e-friends.

 

[Pene_Negro_Grande]

My old roommate did introduce me to some of his friends that were cool too - like this lesbian married couple...Funny when my roommate first came out to me - he told me he was bi-sexual - which I think he told me to make me more comfortable...I also knew better because this dude brought home a different guy almost every other night and never seen a female - eventually he said he was gay but I knew he had been w/women in the past - he also had a daughter when he was 19 w/the old high school sweet heart...But I can understand where DeeBlackthorne is coming from too - definitely think I am more comfortable w/gay guys who are not overly feminine...But people are people...

 

[jonb]

Straight guys in general run the gamut from curious to ignorant (in the sense of trying to hook you up with girls) to ignorant (in the sense of getting all neurotic about it).

I guess it's the standard straight-guy psychological processes. When we first think of homosexuality, this of course makes us start thinking of the sex acts involved, and this makes us think of ourselves doing these sex acts. Our reactions to those thoughts are a pivotal point in our interaction with gay/bi men from that point on.

 

[13788]

surf221: i dont really have too many gay friends...i dont really care about peoples sexual orientation until it's brought up...which is usually pretty often these days. i think everyone just needs to relax. i'm straight, but some straight guys need to get it out of their heads that as soon as a guy says he's gay to you, he wants you. it's kind of stupid and self-centered...but i would be lying if i said that i didn't think that when i was 15/16 years old

Personally, i've never really been involved with anyone besides girls...i've never really thought about experimenting because it's just always been simpler chasing only girls

 

[BobLeeSwagger]

I've never had any close gay male friends, but then I tend to not have many close friends at any one time anyway. I've had several gay acquaintances, but I really didn't have much of a reaction to it one way or another. I'm generally not curious about my straight friends' sex lives either, so it really wasn't any different. I don't play matchmaker, so I never had to worry about not setting them up with a woman. In fact, I'm hard-pressed to think of any way those friendships were different at all.

 

[Lex]

Most of my male friends are straight. I am extremely close with several of them, although we do not discuss my sexuality. I have one straight/married friend who I think it closetly bi (or at the least, extremely bi-curious) and still fighting it. He teases me, flirts with me then backs away. It's very strange. I also have a new BF that is 100% gay. He's awesome. I find that each of my close male friendships serves a slightly different purpose (for both of us).

 

[txquis]

Many people have gay friends, they just dont know/havent been told that they are.
I will never forget having a coworker come out to me,
after having known him for years, and never having one ounce of suspicion.
And my gaydar is pretty fine tuned.

 

[woskxn]

I actually just heard a story from a guy I know yesterday about exactly this. He fell in love with a friend of his, but his friend is not gay. They had one sexual experience, now he wants more, but his friend obviously doesn't.

It can be a very complex situation if the two parties dont understand each other. Its complex also because everyone is different. Everyone will react differently to a gay friend.

I struggle with this myself. I am not out to any of my friends, except my brother. I wonder each and everyday if I should. I wonder how it will change our friendship. My friends are caring in many ways, I can feel that bond, but at the same time there is definetley fear of how they would react.

 

[Kimahri]

Originally posted by woskxn@Feb 6 2005, 01:08 PM
I actually just heard a story from a guy I know yesterday about exactly this. He fell in love with a friend of his, but his friend is not gay. They had one sexual experience, now he wants more, but his friend obviously doesn't.

It can be a very complex situation if the two parties dont understand each other. Its complex also because everyone is different. Everyone will react differently to a gay friend.

I struggle with this myself. I am not out to any of my friends, except my brother. I wonder each and everyday if I should. I wonder how it will change our friendship. My friends are caring in many ways, I can feel that bond, but at the same time there is definetley fear of how they would react.

[post=280613]Quoted post[/post]​

Doing something with a straight guy when you're gay can always be a dangerous thing. I lost contact with a fraternity brother of mine for that exact reason. I didn't get a clear understanding of what was going on between us. We had several experiences and he was doing incredible things (take me to dinner, ask me out for a movie, hell...even took my truck in for an oil change and I didn't know right away), but he wasn't gay. He just came from an environment where that's what you do for people you are close to. I so took it the wrong way and we had a falling out about it and lost him as a friend.

 

[Altairion]

I've got a friend that I've known for the past couple years who I think is either gay or bi. I've never flat out asked him b/c I don't want to make some strange barrier (especially if I'm totally wrong on it), but when he's always extremely well dressed, has a slightly fem-pitched voice, and has brought up the fact that he's never planning on having kids in the future...I'm kinda left to wonder on that one. Either way though, if he is gay/bi, I don't think I'd see him any differently since we've known each other for so long. I just tend to wonder about it from time to time.

 

[woskxn]

chances are, he is gay.

 

[B_HungSpermBoy]

I dont kno if this is just in my circle of friends or maybe it's in my college age group, but the guys & girls don't say that they're gay or lesbian. They say their bisexual. Maybe they're still trying to find out what they are & saying bisexual is more hip or something. I only kno one guy who said he was gay in high school & he was real feminine. Is that ok to say? No offense ment.

 

[txquis]

I agree...among the under 25 crowd that i know, people say they are "bi"...they never, but never say they are gay.

Nobody used the bi term much "in my day".