Relationships

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by D_Amyntas Lillydong, Jul 23, 2008.

  1. D_Amyntas Lillydong

    D_Amyntas Lillydong Account Disabled

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    Okay women. Please recommend some good books that I can read about relationships. Yes, it is about self-improvement, which I'm not ashamed to admit.
     
  2. ManlyBanisters

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    Um, I'm not a great reader of that kind of book - I tend to favour the trial and error approach myself - which takes a lot longer but gives a lot more accurate results for your particular situation.

    What in particular are looking to find out? I mean are you in a relationship? Are you looking for one? Are you in a good relationship and you want to keep it that way? Are you a bad relationship? Little more detail needed.
     
  3. D_Amyntas Lillydong

    D_Amyntas Lillydong Account Disabled

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    Looking for my next relationship to be better than the last. Tired of trial and error.
     
  4. D_Amyntas Lillydong

    D_Amyntas Lillydong Account Disabled

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    I guess what really confuses me is that a woman and I can have so many things in common and I would think we should be a couple. Then it really comes down to attractiveness. I've experienced if the woman is not physically attracted, (I'm not her type), then everything is foregone. :dunno:
     
  5. D_Amyntas Lillydong

    D_Amyntas Lillydong Account Disabled

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    What I'm confused about is that if we have a lot in common I think it would make a great relationship, but then it all comes down to attractiveness. If you're not her type, then nothing else really matters.
     
  6. D_Thoraxis_Biggulp

    D_Thoraxis_Biggulp New Member

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    Yeh, that happens.
    Just remember though, if you have too much in common, you'll quickly run out of things to talk about other than how much you agree with something she said.

    I think if you post about some of your past relationships, the folks here can work up some genuine and experienced advice. Save you some money on a book written by a sociology major with no relatable real world experience to support the "facts."
     
  7. OmahaBeef

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    Though I have yet to read it myself, I have heard excellent things about "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"

    ...OB
     
  8. Runco

    Runco New Member

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    I am reading a book at the moment called 'Falling in love for the right reasons' (Dr Neil Clark Warren). You might find this book quite useful because it goes into a bit of detail when explaining the process to go through to find someone who could be ideally matched to you by examining a series of 'character dimensions'. These dimensions fall into four groups:

    1. Screening Dimensions: These are the things that MUST be right between you. If someone you are dating fails any of them, write them off immediately as happy ever after material! Funnily enough, attraction is not in the line up because attraction can grow.

    2. Core Personal Dimensions:
    These are the elements where ideally, you should be matched. This is where things like ambition, intellect, energy levels, sex drive and the like come in. Also spirituality, education, humor, values, creativity and moods. There are others too. Within this group there are key elements that must be matched if a relationship is to last the long haul.

    3. Skills that can be developed: These include communication, conflict resolution and sociability and actually, it makes sense that these are in this group since they only really develop once you are a couple.

    4. Qualities that can be developed: Adaptability, kindness, dominance vs submissiveness.

    The book also talks about critical elements that need to underpin all this:

    Chemistry - a key factor. Even if you find someone who matches all the qualities that you will explore above, you still need chemistry (which is the point you are making in your post). If there is no chemistry, chances are you and a woman (or man) will be friends rather than soulmates. Apparently, a good way to determine whether it is worth hanging around to find out if it is worth exploring a potential relationship further is to kiss someone. If you tingle, feel fireworks, feel excitement then you have chemistry. Then explore all the other stuff.

    Commitment - the glue that keeps it all together

    There are three Q&A sections attached to this book which you might find useful too. The first looks at the secrets of a great relationship. The next is a 20 questions section. Finally, there is a section that looks at similarities or differences in a bid to help the reader determine whether certain differences really matter.

    When you are young, you have this cotton candy ideal of what a relationship should be about. I rather foolishly thought love would be enough. Love is the last thing on my shopping list now! I was married for 17 years and when I got divorced, I was determined not to make the same mistake again when I chose another man to settle down with. By this I mean I overlooked some missing character dimensions at the screening stage, which this book has revealed to me as critical if a relationship is going to move forward. I thought love (and time) would make a difference. They didn't. Needless to say I wish I had known all this when I was selecting a life mate..!

    It seems to be a good book.
     
  9. D_Amyntas Lillydong

    D_Amyntas Lillydong Account Disabled

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    Wow! Thank you Runco! Totally what I was looking for.
     
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