Remaining friends with a former fwb

[Bushido brown]

Would that be considered cheating to still be texting a former fwb about old times joking about it but not actually meeting up ?

 

[Brodie888]

Cheating comes down to what that person is thinking rather than what you are doing.

 

[Brodie888]

Cheating comes down to what that person is thinking rather than what you are doing.

Geeez bad edit. Get rid of the "you" and replace with "that person is"

 

[malakos]

Traditional relationship norms and expectations have largely been thrown out the window (at least in Western societies). So what we have left is the expectations of relationships being defined by what is agreed to by the individuals part of the relationship. Whether this would constitute as cheating or not would depend on a reasonable interpretation of what has been agreed and the consequences of that agreement. If nothing in particular has been agreed to besides "being together", with no definition provided of what that means, then not a whole lot could be legitimately assumed as cheating.

I'd recommend having a chat with your partner about expectations before you risk this becoming a potentially much bigger issue.

 

[Silbot.]

Your question vaguely suggests you're looking for permission to do something that already doesn't sit well with you. That says quite a bit right there.

Still, here are two tests to help you determine whether or not your behavior is appropriate: 1) If your current bf read these texts, would he be infuriated and/or possibly dump you? 2) If you found out that your current bf was having a similar conversation with an ex (or fwb) and assured you nothing was happening in real time, would you believe him and/or trust him after that? Even if it were true, since you could not independently verify his claim, would it not eat at you?

 

[keenobserver]

Your question vaguely suggests you're looking for permission to do something that already doesn't sit well with you. That says quite a bit right there.

Still, here are two tests to help you determine whether or not your behavior is appropriate: 1) If your current bf read these texts, would he be infuriated and/or possibly dump you? 2) If you found out that your current bf was having a similar conversation with an ex (or fwb) and assured you nothing was happening in real time, would you believe him and/or trust him after that? Even if it were true, since you could not independently verify his claim, would it not eat at you?

Good answer. I tried to stay friendly with all of my past intimacies - be they relationships or casual FWB or even paid encounters. Yes, you have to be careful of feelings if you are in a relationship, it is only fair. Still for the most part I never burned bridges and never refused a phone call from a former date / hook-up is time of need. The invention of the cell phone so improved my sex life it is staggering.

 

[Brodie888]

My partner has kept close friendships with 2 of his former boyfriends. On occasion he'll stay at their house interstate without me or go out for lunch without me.

Without being foolish, I think it's important to demonstrate trust in your partner. Sometimes being too constrictive can do more damage to a relationship than cheating will.

At the same time you both need to be very clear with where the boundary is. I agree with Silbot about his test.

 

[AlexDB9]

My acid test: if I have to hide it from my partner, I shouldn't be doing it.

 

[902369]

It doesn't work. Gays are always doing this.