Retirees Have New Option

BUSH OFFERS RETIREES OPTION OF SERVING IN IRAQ

Social Security Participants Given Wide Choice of Iraqi Cities to PatrolAfter receiving only muted support for his sweeping proposals to overhaul Social Security, President George W. Bush attempted to sweeten the pot today, offering all retirees the opportunity to serve in Iraq.

With most insiders calling the president’s proposal for individual investment accounts dead on arrival in Congress, the White House hopes that Mr. Bush’s offer of guaranteed military service to all retired Americans will find more favor.

Speaking at a rally in Detroit today, the president told his audience, “In the year 2054, the Social Security trust fund will be bankrupt, but the war in Iraq will be alive and well.”

Under his new plan, the president said, upon reaching the age of 59 every participant in the Social Security program would be offered the opportunity to begin basic training for what Mr. Bush called “the adventure of their lives.”

According to the president, retirees would be “totally free to choose” which Iraqi city they would like to patrol from a list of twenty cities including Baghdad, Tikrit, Fallujah, and oil-rich Kirkuk.

Mr. Bush added that the average retiree serving in Iraq would earn approximately $1500 a month, which would be boosted to $1800 if the retiree should somehow stumble across weapons of mass destruction.

In Washington, Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz said he was “intrigued” by the notion of spending his retirement years in Iraq but that he had decided to run the World Bank instead.

Elsewhere, antiwar protesters across Europe marked the second anniversary of President Bush ignoring antiwar protesters across Europe.

from The Borowitz Report

 

Maybe tongue in cheek, but so possible it's scary :excl:

 

Never has a Iraqi insurgent suffered as much as the one who is beset by a crowd of angry American retirees wielding canes and walkers.

The rest of the pissed-off pensioners would then drag his battered body through the streets behind their HoverRounds.

 

LOL!

Why resort to the abuse tactics used at Abu Ghraib when we can just let seniors harangue them with endless stories of the good old days that just go nowhere?

 

Gosh, I'm wondering if my days of haranguing have arrived and I should put a clamp on it :excl: Maybe the written words are not as abnoxious as they would be spoken, though. I'm grabbing for loose ends here, steve.

 

No clamps allowed for you! I truly hang on your every word, Luke. I always benefit from your wisdom and experience and enjoy your humor!

It's a cliché, I know, but I believe we are only as "old" as we feel. From reading your posts (which I always love), I see that you're clearly more youthful and energetic than I am by far!

Lots of love to you, my friend.

 

I love having a captive audience like the poor fool sitting next to me on a plane.

"Hey, look at these pictures of my grandkids!"

 

No clamps allowed for you! I truly hang on your every word, Luke. I always benefit from your wisdom and experience and enjoy your humor!

It's a cliché, I know, but I believe we are only as "old" as we feel. From reading your posts (which I always love), I see that you're clearly more youthful and energetic than I am by far!

Lots of love to you, my friend.

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You raise the bar for me, steve. I might fall on my face, but I'll strive to merit your adulation in all future endeavors.

You have become my special person for life. :loveya:

 

Back at you, Luke! You're a big part of why the LPSG is such an incredible place.

Thanks for the kind words.