Right way to start a relationship

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Rommette, Dec 21, 2010.

  1. Rommette

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    Well, since I joined LPSG I have often posted about my horrible love life and all the bad things associated with it (including my last blog). Can anybody say what women like me do wrong?

    Next I want to know from WOMEN and MEN what is the best way to start a relationship. I would like to know based on your personal experience. I would like to know specifically about a few things.
    • kiss after how long?
    • Sex after how long?
    • Is it right for me to "hang out" over his house when he asks and not demand a date?
    • where exactly is the best place to look for a great guy? Mall? Party? Club? ect.
    • guys, how do you like females to act? and females, how do you act around guys?
    • guys, what types of impressions do you get from what a female wears? Dress clothes? jeans? shorts?
    • What exactly is appropriate to discuss with a guy? Politics? Celebrity Gossip? Kids and Marriage? Brag about myself?
    • How did any of you find your guy/gal friend?
    • Anything else I should know?
     
  2. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    ^Imo, rules about kissing, sex, clothes, appropriate topics will not matter with the right person.

    Just be yourself (and allow him to be the person he truly is as well) because whether you find the right relationship or not often depends more on things like:


    • Being confident and secure in yourself
    • Knowing what you want
    • Having non-negotiable and sticking with them
    • Not involving yourself in desperate acts to get or keep him
    • Honesty - being truthful with yourself and him - because, even if you like each other, sometimes the shit will have to end and the one's that linger breed hate.
    • Know who you are and maintain personal space, so that you do not lose yourself in your partners

    Oh boy, the formatting is off in Linux, will log back on using something else. :08:

    Eta: My serious partners and I connected everywhere: walking down the street, a club, work, seminar, friendship leading to romance, LPSG.
     
    #2 D_Fiona_Farvel, Dec 21, 2010
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2010
  3. twrl_grl

    twrl_grl New Member

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    • kiss after how long?
    I don't have a strict rule about how soon after I met him, or after how many dates. It's more about how comfortable I feel around him.

    • Sex after how long?
    No strict rule here either. Again, it is a matter of how well I know the man or woman and how comfortable I am with them. I waited for over 3 months with one guy that I met just before we started dating. I had sex with another guy on the first date, but he was a friend I knew for almost a year before he asked me out. I didn't plan on sex on the first date, but the feelings were there once the date was underway. I had FFM sex with a married couple after a couple of dates with them, but they were acquainted with friends of mine who said the couple was secure in their marriage. If you don't have a condom ready, offer other activities until you have one ready.

    • Is it right for me to "hang out" over his house when he asks and not demand a date?
    Yes. If you're comfortable hanging out with him without any expectation of dating, that is a good sign.

    • where exactly is the best place to look for a great guy? Mall? Party? Club? ect.
    Friends. Friends of friends. OkCupid. Parties hosted by your friends. Skip the malls and clubs since your chances of meeting a compatible person among random strangers are low. Again, I want to emphasize friends and friends of friends because you know your friends already. Even if you don't want to date your guy friends, your gal friends know you well enough to know which of their friends is compatible with you.

    • guys, how do you like females to act? and females, how do you act around guys?
    I don't "act". I try to be true to myself. I don't follow "The Rules".

    • guys, what types of impressions do you get from what a female wears? Dress clothes? jeans? shorts?
    This was addressed to guys rather than the female persuasion, but here goes my answer. I dress for the occasion, not for the guys. When at work, I dress for work. When at the park, I dress for relaxing at the park. When at the beach, I wear a bikini or nothing. My clothing is for my comfort, not to pick up guys. Guys seem to want to hit on me regardless of what I wear, so I might as well wear what I want anyway.

    • What exactly is appropriate to discuss with a guy? Politics? Celebrity Gossip? Kids and Marriage? Brag about myself?
    Politics: Some guys are okay with it, but some aren't. It's a good way to find a man or woman's view on topics.
    Celebrity Gossip: I avoid this topic.
    Kids and Marriage: If you are already dating, some guys may think you're saying this to see if they will settle down with you. So bring it up before you date them while you're still friends to see if they want to have kids or remain childfree.
    Brag: Yes. Mention your good points. If a guy ignores your accomplishments, he is likely not interested in you. If he compliments you, then he might be worth your time. If he goes on and on about his own accomplishments, you can listen to see what he is interested in, and what he has done with his life, but beware if his bragging is all about him, and he does not show interest in you.

    • How did any of you find your guy/gal friend?
    Many of my lovers, fuckbuddies, and friends with benefits came from my circle of friends, their friends, my old college friends, and an extended social circle of friends.

    • Anything else I should know?
    Don't act like your desperate for a guy. You'll give off the wrong vibes. Make your life worth living and full of happiness. Real men will want to share in your happiness if they see all the joy in your life.
     
  4. EmJay

    EmJay New Member

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    The best way to start a relationship is when you are happy and content with the relationship you have with yourself first and foremost.

    Selfesteem, knowing your boundaries and knowing what it is you deserve.. And let me tell you it will not always be easy walking that road. Its a road with many goodbyes or disappointments..but hey..in the end you are happier.

    I decide whenever I am ready to have sex or kiss not some book of rules.. I easily kiss on the first date if I feel like it.. Sex I'd rather not do that on the first date. Unless we have been building chemistry for weeks or months before we met (online,phone) when there is that click..passion has its own rules...But still..I'd rather not.

    Topics...whatever comes to mind. Usually I am interested in my date and how he occupies his time, his dreams, desires, dating needs, ..how they look at love and relationships, movies you like...I mix it up..something about them, myself (when they ask) and something we are both interested in (music, films, whatever)..it usually flows naturally.....

    I am just me..so if they don't like it, I will know soon enough won't I.

    I know that when i am horny its best not to go on a date..because lust blindness can get a hold on me if I in some way succumb to my needs, the sex is really good and he is cute as hell. know your weaknesses.

    Best not to start camping out at his or your house...get out of the house and do something if you want to get to know someone for real..

    Just have fun getting to know someone and not focus all of your love desires onto that individual..
     
  5. helgaleena

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    I don't think sex and kissing have anything whatsoever to do with relationships. That's your problem right there.

    Females think that if you give your sexual attention it means there is a relationship, and that it is something men somehow know is significant bonding for them. Men do not assume this. They think a sexy time is just a sexy time, and that you can theoretically do it with strangers or even inanimate objects.

    The only way around this is to relate to people in friendship first. Rommette, only make love to friends who are willing to discuss the significance of what you do with them and get all the signals straight.

    Get used to having sex with yourself so that you don't go screwing people just out of desperation. Or alternately, quit trying to make every hookup into a relationship. As long as you are practicing safe sex, it is your call.
     
  6. jennizeus

    jennizeus New Member

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    firstly, the best place to find great guys would be a place where you know you'll meet people with similar interests, for me i hang out in music venues in the city.....if you meet a guy you like and if you chat to him and things are good, you could have a kiss goodnight...and you may leave him wanting more so you may hear from him the following day this may lead to a date.
    hanging out with guys at their house is fine, it could practically be a date without the title. It depends on you then whenever you feel you want to have sex with the person. About the how do guys want females to act.....you just have to be yourself, you want people to like you for who you are not for what your pretending to be.
    conversation wise just go with the flow, whatever comes up talk about it and then move on to something else
     
  7. B_quietguy

    B_quietguy New Member

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    I'd say there is no one right way to start a relationship. You can start with friends, you can put ads online, and you can ask friends to introduce you to people they like.

    But first get your house in order. Others have said that already about focusing on your relationship with yourself, and I would underline that point.
     
  8. mexdude

    mexdude New Member

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    How to act?, well try not to look "impossible" , like any guy can talk to u, impression ?, once i went on a date with a girl, i wnt to her house, and we where just going for a hamburguer, and she dressed as if we where to an office party, that was not very good, as long as u dont over do, we dont notice a thing, dont go with religion and politics, no kids and weedings, that scare off guys xD, if u know abpout videogames, that may work, or sports, or u can ask him, what u like to do, and go from there
     
  9. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    Love all of the advice given in this thread, wish I had access to such 'crone wisdom' when I was in my first relationship. Oh boy. :08: Thank you, ladies!

    Underlined, bold print, gold stars, arrows, and a spotlight. :smile:

    Speaking from experience, it isn't an easy journey, but getting yourself into a good place and feeling confident, even with a bit of arrogance, will give you the 'emotional capital' and strength you will need to attract partners that add to your life and have them value what you add to theirs.

    Or, as Twirlgirl wrote: "Make your life worth living and full of happiness. Real men will want to share in your happiness if they see all the joy in your life."
     
  10. helgaleena

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    I remember when you had a sweet smile for your avatar, Rommette. Great start.
     
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