Riki Lake Approaching sleep the other day I was imagining (instead of Madelaines) a 'correct' version of Ricky Lake show, which would actually be interesting: "My Lover is so Big Hairy & Hung, I'm Embarrased at the Beach!" The show starts out with the usual platitudes by Ricky, and then the first guest. His name is "Dirk" and he's 6'2", 250lbs, has a huge black curling beard shot with grey, is an ex body-builder, and is wearing jeans and a plaid shirt. His lover comes out, and looks approximately the same, only smaller. Lots of interesting camera shots, of the two on vacation, then suddenly one of them at the beach. The lover is wearing a tiny cyan-colored speedo, and the crowd goes wild. He has shoulders to carry a couch, arms like footballs, huge slablike pecs, and we are faced with a huge hairy belly, but worse, mounds and mounds of thick black pubic hair spilling out and one goose-egg ball slipping out to the left, and at least a 10" cock rolled up but having popped out to one side, looking wet and darkly purple. "Oh My God!" Ricky chortles! Members of the audience ask if he always had a problem as a kid, and so on. The poor lover claims "he doesn't want to go out with him at the beach anymore!" One straight man says "I'm not gay, but I AM impressed!". When did you start shaving is a question, and the poor guy started at age 10. When he was 12, he was excused from sports classes because the other kids made fun in the shower. "And you know Ricky, anal sex is pretty uncomfortable sometimes!" Ricky nods in agreement. Guest #2 comes out. He's a short redhead, flaming red, short trim beard. The camera zooms in on his arms, which look like they're covered with a pale-blond cloud 2" deep. He grins winningly, clear blue eyes. Through his dark polo shirt we can see more tufts of blond-red fur. Ricky - "you don't look so shocking? but your lover gets annoyed at all the attention you get!" Well, Ricky, take a look! The guest - Scott - takes off his shirt, with some problem. Though short, his bodybuilding has exaggerated his body to a wild extreme - shoulders like hairy red cocoanuts, a 52" chest with such deep cleavage between the pecs it looks like a black stripe, huge pink nipples, strawberry-blond fur 3" deep like a kind of brillo-mat. He grins and flexes his pecs, dancing them back and forth, the audience wildly screaming. He tries to cross his arms, but his football-like biceps make it difficult. His belly is also big, and muscle-ridged. He grins and poses, then Ricky screams "Your getting a hard-on!" The camera zooms in on his crotch, and one of the buttons on his fly pops open as the swelling increases grotesquely. He grins again, and pulls down his pants while the audience screams. Ricky screams "You're on national television" and he still pulls them off. The audience is dead silent as, with an audible snap, his cock pops out. Like the rest of him, it's outrageously thick - as big around as a coffee mug, with a brilliant red head. It sways a bit in front of him, and everyone realizes that it is more than half hidden by the thick deep-red pubic bush hiding more than 6" of it's length. He is at this point only wearing high-top Nike's! Camera moves on Ricky who is finally speechless. His boyfriend bounces out, a tall preppy-looking man who yells "See! He's always embarassing me!" The dark hairy one jumps up, and says "that's nothing!" He takes off his plaid shirt, and we cut to a commercial. Re-arriving, the two men are sitting nude, except for shoes, with hard-ons. The dark-haired one's hardon hangs out far in front of him, his big belly almost lapping down on top of it, and he's laughing. Ricky asks "what do you feed it?" And the audience laughs. "But you must see big Ed!" she insists. The third guest comes out. He's jet-black, average height, huge bushy black beard. He's wearing a tank-top, but it looks like he's wearing another bushy black shirt underneath it. He's wearing tight white lycra shorts, and again it looks like there's a small animal in them. His muscles are grotesquely huge in his legs, arms, shoulders, and he's also got a big fat belly. The camera moves over the women in the audience who are screaming and panting, and more than a few men are also mesmerized. Big Ed slowly pulls his tank-top off, and his belly laps down over the waistband of his shorts. He grins, and then pulls down his pants, very slowly. They peel, and down down down, his balls completely exposed then inch by inch his cock unrolled, until finally all 12" have popped out like a huge dildo! Ricky screams "It isn't real!" The audience is mad, and one cameraman comes on stage, kneels down and starts polishing it with his tongue. Cut to commercial. Cutting back, the men, and big Ed with his lover are sitting, talking. Ricky asks them how they ever have sex. One lover grins, and says "Ricky, you just have to sit and take it!" The audience laughs. "Wanna see?" He gets on his knees, then the camera zooms in, and his lover - Dirk - rolls his jeans down. Dirk kneels down a bit, pointing his huge cock at the asshole, and as the camera zooms in, we see he's got a female condom in. Ricky says "you guys get extra points for being prepared!" The audience claps. Dirk gets the head of his cock in, and kneeling obscenely, continues pushing in. His lover then speaks out - "He's reached now, about six inches in, and has hit the second sphincter. This is the hard part. Its easier with another cock in my mouth. How about a licorice whip?" Ed comes over while Dirk keeps pushing, and holding his cock straight up so that it is almost in the thick fur of his chest, curved around his belly, he lets the guy lick his hairy balls. Dirk gets the rest of his club in, and almost riding his guy's ass like it was a horse, fucks away, his fat-muscular body rippling with the ass-pounding force. Ricky says "Jesus, will you look at that!" Ed is now offering his meat to the guy, who can barely get his lips around the head. He backs off "Ricky," he says, "this is just too big!" The audience is startled. Dirk speeds up, the camera backs up, and Ricky asks "Will Dirk get it off, can we get a cock a bit smaller? Well see after this commercial!" When they come back Dirk is pounding ass like there is no tommorrow, a mask of ecstasy on his face. He stops for a second from his crouch, his huge thighs straining, and they pull his guy over. He's on his back, and the other guests pull his heels back almost behind his head, and we can see that his own cock is a force to be reckoned with - he's pummelling it as the camera again homes in on Dirk pushing the thick fistlike head in his friend's ass. Dirk pulls out, and Scott comes around. His grotesquely thick cock starts pushing in the spasming asshole just as Dirk starts pushing the fisthead down his friend's throat, and buried in bellies and cock the guy starts shooting while Dirk mouths the huge pink head of Ed's black cock, while the other guests continue to hold Ed's guy's feet back. The camera moves around back while Scott pumps ass, his huge back straining, small hairy but ramming away hard. He pulls back, and fisting his fire-hydrant cock with both hands, neither big enough to get around it, and pressing down to the base of his unspeakably hairy bush, his own jism shoots in ropy hot strands all over Ed's who is creaming while Dirk pulls out and ads again to the pull on his friend's chest. All three collapse gently, while Ricky addresses from the Audience. "I just want this show to help everyone remember. No one is too big or hairy to have a good time on national television networks."