Rob_E told me to introduce myself...

Discussion in 'New Member Introductions' started by alexfpc, Apr 5, 2009.

  1. alexfpc

    alexfpc New Member

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    ...so hi, my name is alejandro and i was wandering around the internet and came across this site. it looks entertaining so i'll just look around and....
    OK i have this problem: I'm a guy who wants a job so badly, so on february 27th i kinda had my religious experience and offered god, in exchange that he made everything possible so that i worked there, i wouldn't masturbate anymore. SO you see i'm as horny as a... idk,

    so,

    any advice you could give me on how to have an orgasm without masturbating would be hapily accepted. actually there's this video on youporn in which there's a guy shaking his butt and somehow he has 3 orgasms, so anyone who knows how to do that, please tell me. (the video is called jerk off 3 times in 4 minutes)
     
  2. parchissi

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    Hi there Alejandro. Really good to see you here at lpsg and signing up to join us all. We welcome you and hope you will enjoy your time with us - get in and have a good look around and get to make alot of new friends. Welcome again - and enjoy.
     
  3. B_cigarbabe

    B_cigarbabe New Member

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    So you got a job for promising God you wouldn't masturbate?
    I think it really was that they needed someone in the position and that's why you have a job dear.
    Best of luck trying not to jerk off though!:tongue:
    C.B.:saevil:
     
  4. Drifterwood

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    I tend to blow myself in such circumstances.

    Welcome.
     
  5. rawbone8

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    You think, like somekinda lawyer, you can hoodwink THE LORD on a technicality? No fingers = no masturbation? Do you think He hasn't fielded untold numbers of monks throughout history offering this excuse to debate this issue? (no pun intended.)


    Truth is, the challenge for a believer is to make him look the other way, or accept your fall.

    Good luck in your quest. Welcome!
     
    #5 rawbone8, Apr 5, 2009
    Last edited: Apr 5, 2009
  6. Channelwood

    Channelwood New Member

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    I find that fucking a girl is an acceptable substitute for masturbating.


    </sarcasm>
     
  7. ManlyBanisters

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    Welcome to LPSG - possibly not the best place for someone who is horny but wants to avoid wanking, unless of course you find penises a turn off :dunno:

    I'm with rawb on the whole 'technicality of wanking' thing - masturbation has many forms and basically any process whereby you induce orgasm in yourself is masturbation. IOW, you should not make promises you can't keep to anyone, least of all God and yourself.

    My personal philosophy is that God is very unlikely to, in the greater scheme of things, care if you make yourself orgasm from time to time. It is, at worst, a minor venial sin, though for myself I don't feel it is any kind of a sin at all as it does not colour the way I see the world or relate to other people and I don't put it higher on my to do list that caring and providing for my family. Perhaps compulsive masturbation, where other parts of a person's life suffer due to neglect in favour of masturbating, could be considered a sin of sorts.

    Of course what it means to me is of very little value to you - If you really feel that it is a sin and you need to keep this promise then I think you'd do a lot better to look not for a loop hole but for a very physical hobby (running, a martial art like boxing or karate, rock climbing, etc.) that can help you burn off the energy without masturbating.

    Good luck.
     
  8. Drifterwood

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    Sounds like someone needs to flick the bean. :tongue:
     
  9. rawbone8

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    Do you have legumes on the brain, DW? Might I suggest a nice vinaigrette to go with that?
     
  10. ManlyBanisters

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    No! You might not! :eek:

    Darling, it's after 10am here - you think I haven't yet?? :tongue:

    Anyway - my bean is going to be looked after nicely in a few days time, I don't want to over-flick it and wear it out in advance now, do I?
     
  11. Drifterwood

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    I'm trying to steer the thread away from sheep. Have you ever tried foul madame?

    You have it on me. I have no idea what time it is.

    You have every reason to keep her in tip top order, shipshape and bristol fashion.
     
  12. hoggindaz

    hoggindaz New Member

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    you seem mentally ill, first you believe that an all powerful being that youve never seen or heard has somehow gotten you a job because you promised to stop touching your peepee. and then you want to ask us how we can help you violate this secret agreement with your invisible superfriend without explicitly breaking rules you set for yourself for no appparent reason. i would say you should save some money and go to a scientology center, they will be likely to help you. just remember to believe everything anyone tells you.
     
  13. rawbone8

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    Lighten up.
     
  14. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    Hey, alejandro, welcome.
     
  15. B_Nick8

    B_Nick8 New Member

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    I don't think Rob told you to introduce yourself. I'm sure it was a polite request. And I'm positive 'god' won't intervene on your behalf simply because you deny yourself the pleasures of masturbation, the desire for which, I might add, lpsg will simply inflame. I would suggest that you flog away to your heart's content, all the while picturing yourself in that new job you want so badly; psychiatrists have proven that positive visualization is the very best way to achieve your goals.

    Welcome.
     
  16. Swordie

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    You guys crack me up! THANK YOU!
     
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