Roles in Relationships

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by ranredd, Feb 21, 2008.

  1. ranredd

    ranredd New Member

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    After thinking long and hard, I've drawn a blank. It seems that women have a firm idea of what the role of a man should be (i.e breadwinner, fixer, good dad, sex starter, etc) I would like to get an idea of what the modern female role should be.

    I mean women have changed after going into the workforce from being homemakers to additional breadwinners. But in terms of dating, it seems like women are supposed to look cute and expect things. Maybe my brain just can't get past it but i'm looking for some input from everyone. (I'm not excluding homosexual relationships, it just doesn't seem to occur)
     
  2. ranredd

    ranredd New Member

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    LOL I guess i'll post my own response so I don't feel so bad
     
  3. hung

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    Most individuals meet some one. If they determine to enter into a relationship, their response will be based on how they have been raised or patterned in the earlier days.

    In summary, most individuals work out a scheme with their significant other as to who is expected to do what.

    In my own life I vacuum the floors, wash the outside of the windows while my spouse does the inside of the windows. I do my own laundry and iron my own clothes. Navy training did that for me. I also am the full time gardner at our home. Yet I know of some homes that have lovely gardens tended by females.

    So, it just depends on how you both work things out. In that regard, I can also cook, but not on a full time basis. I can grill on the exterior gas grill and also do up magnificant meals within the kitchen.

    No matter the division of labor, the idea is to agree on who does what.

    No regarding sexual activity, I usually take the lead, but not always.

    Life has been fun, and I hope that it will continue to be so.
     
  4. ranredd

    ranredd New Member

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    I understand where you're coming from. I raised so that i wouldn't need a female for anything (i.e I can pretty much do anything on my own) It just seems that females aren't like that. They EXPECT men to make more money, provide more things while a female is EXPECTED to................................ and that's where I draw a blank. Hopefully some females join in the discussion
     
  5. SpoiledPrincess

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    I think a lot of people haven't responded because this is a subject that requires a fairly complicated answer. Over the past 50 years or so the roles in society of both men and women have changed drastically, we see women earning the same as men and having much more opportunity to get high flying jobs, the pill gave us sexual independence, we're told we can have it all - a job, freedom and kids. Men's position has remained much stable but his interactions with women have been forced to change and some men and some women don't seem to be fully comfortable in either a traditional role or a more modern one. Genetically we're programmed to look for a good provider, and in the past that would have meant that we took a subservient role to that provider who often had a higher social standing than we did, now culturally we're told to look for someone who's an equal - as no partnership can be entirely equal this can make for difficulty. Women are sneered at if they use their sexuality, or their looks to win advantages, if they're strong women they're sometimes seen as ballbreakers or bitches, they're not assertive, they're aggressive. Both the role of men and women seems to be in a transitional phase. In the media we see 'ladettes' women who go out, drink to excess, and generally adapt behaviour more associated with teenage boys, and this is because we're told we're equal - women want to have all the freedoms men previously had but for some reason it's the bad freedoms that many women adopt.

    I dunno, just a few thoughts, it's 1.04 am, I've been out all day and had no sleep and I probably should have thought that out better :)

    What do I want in a man - I want a strong man but one who is strong enough that he doesn't feel he has to use his strengths to try to oppress me. A man who won't think he's better than women, but would choose to think that we're equal but very different.

    What should a woman's role be - I really don't know, traditionally it would be to stay at home, rear children and keep house, this allowed a woman to carve out a considerable chunk of free time for herself if she was anything like organised. Now the role seems to be to work, to keep house and to have the main child rearing duties. Some husbands help considerably or equally - however some take a much smaller part in the household chores and child raising (there are plenty of surveys out there which show the hours husbands/wives spend on housework) and their wives are left juggling work, children and housework with no time for themselves.
     
  6. whatireallywant

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    I have always been very nontraditional and was so distressed with the traditional roles expected of women when I was growing up (and it wasn't that long ago - in the 1970s!), that I wanted to be male.

    While I don't want transsexual surgery anymore, I am still fiercely nontraditional and egalitarian when it comes to these things and I do not believe in the "genetic programming of roles" (look at the links on my sig to see a couple of books that reflect my point of view).
     
  7. B_cigarbabe

    B_cigarbabe New Member

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    No need for me to post my view when you've both
    said it quite admirably. :biggrin1:
    cigarbabe:saevil:
     
  8. whatireallywant

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    Well, I would prefer not to do any domestic chores AT ALL... I like working outside of the home for pay, and prefer traditionally male fields of work (I have been interested in IT, science, engineering, and some skilled trades like electrician). Of course what I'd really like is to be a trust fund baby and not worry about any of this! :biggrin1: But that isn't happening. (I'll still hold out for the lottery though...:biggrin1::biggrin1:)

    Unfortunately, my career has not been as stellar as I'd hoped. I haven't had a steady job since 2005. I keep trying, and I work temp jobs and live on that and unemployment. But I would really like to be steadily employed and completely self-sufficient again. (and eventually hire a maid!)

    I've never wanted kids so that's not an issue for me.
     
  9. Rugbypup

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    Im a little old fashioned and maybe a bit domestic on this one.

    I do believe in equal roles in a relationship but i also think the role of men has been diluted in modern society by the strongly developing social expectation of the modern woman, to the point that men don’t really know what the 'role' of the man is.

    Yes, of course women should have equality, but i do think some women use their right of equality when it suits them best... (cough)

    We have nearly always had a patriarchal, male dominated society where the role of women was clearly segregated rather than defined as a mother, a wife, a home maker and that of men was of bread winner, warrior, lover, husband, father.

    But not longer in 2008.

    Women have rightly shed the oppression of this segregation and we have grown as a result. But it has lead women into direct competition with men in areas that were once male only and i believe men do find this confusing as to their notions of the 'man' role.

    We are as fragile as you ladies at times you know, lol.

    A man needs to be big, powerful, rugged, masculine, dominate, warrior, alpha, respected by his man and feared by his enemies... and most women will want him to fuck her senseless?

    A man needs to be compassionate, loyal, nurturing, caring, protective, generous, kind, offer security, intelligent, wise... and most women will want him to be the father of her children?

    Truth is, like it or not, men have to be a kind of delicate balance of the two, to be completely desirable to most women.

    I ask you, what chance do we have, lol.

    Perhaps it is not that men can no longer define their role in a relationship but women can't. Female liberation has surged women into a new era of identity and as a result has left many uncertain as to what that means to them.

    I think, sorry ladies, women in 2008 need to understand and define themselves first and then perhaps men might get their heads around their 'roles' in society.

    A humble pups rambling, I've meant no offence.

    But like i said, im a bit old fashioned and domestic so I see my role in a relationship as perhaps a bit classically female, (gulp) of caring and supporting a guy that loves and protects me.

    Hey, I can dream can't I.
     
  10. ranredd

    ranredd New Member

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    Yeah, my dilemna comes up because for the most part (even when i ask this question among friends) an "I don't know" comes up regularly. And with that being said, I just feel it's unfair sometimes for women to demand more out of men but want things to be equal at the same time. It's just frustrating
     
  11. ranredd

    ranredd New Member

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    I just feel equality should mean just that. Not when it's convenient equality
     
  12. ZOS23xy

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    Hmm hmm hmm. I had a lady friend from many years back and it didn't work out for us. She wanted some sense of domineering. It was a mixed bag concept. I was to do one aspect and she would do another. It was the pivotal point of the relationship. She wanted a arena where we could argue, not debate. Where by loud voices, one of us would be "right".

    She got pissed off at me when I wouldn't fulfill her expectations and called me a " Goddamn polite intellectual diplomatic paragon". There were some other words too. I had to write it down so I wouldn't forget it. I really liked her, but arguing, or going into a relationship to argue never appealed to me. Having sex after making up after an argument was never a turn on.
     
  13. ranredd

    ranredd New Member

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    So I take it that you guys kind of did the Yin and Yang sorta thing? Someone cooks / someone washes the dishes sorta thing?
     
  14. whatireallywant

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    Yeah, I hate arguing too. That's why it's important to me to be involved with someone who has similar views to mine.

    Now, I realize that's going to be hard to find, especially with some of the stuff I posted about earlier in the topic! :eek: (For the record, I don't think I was ever a "true" transgender - that stuff was a reaction to the EXTREME sexism I experienced growing up...)

    What I hope for is that I find someone who can agree on what we both do. I really don't like domestic chores but will clean some if he will too. I may even do most of the cleaning if he'd do the cooking (I'm pretty hopeless as a cook, and really don't like it.) Of course I'd prefer to hire a maid, but get real... :biggrin1: What I'm getting at is that I don't want to get stuck with all the drudgery while he gets to go out and do interesting things.
     
  15. ranredd

    ranredd New Member

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    Anyone else with any opinions?????
     
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