Roomate asked if I'm seeing someone.

[7"24]

My Roomate is one of my good friends I have known her for 6 years, she was my ex fiancés best friend before she met me. I am 24 dating an 18 yo guy, I am not out but getting close to coming out. She knows my family as well, I want to tell her I am dating my boyfriend Ryan, but I know she has a problem with older people dating 18 year olds, and I don't want her blabbing her mouth to my ex fiancé who also has a big mouth. She just asked if I'm seeing someone, I avoided the question and she text me basically saying it's obvious I'm seeing someone and why won't I talk to her about it. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

 

[Florida Boy]

It sounds like she is headed for a confrontation. Maybe she suspects you are seeing Ryan but wants to hear it from you. It is likely to get out of hand if you continue to be invasive. so level with their and tell her why.

 

[monstro]

take a chance. Open up to her. Tell her the truth.

 

[monel]

Tell her it's none of her business.

 

[7"24]

I said "No I am not seeing someone and didn't see your first message but why on earth do you think If I did start seeing someone that I'd owe you an explanation, my personal life is mine not yours and If I wanted to share something then I would."

 

[matelalique]

The subtext here is interesting. Do you have a problem with dating an 18-year old? If you don't, you shouldn't have a problem telling her (and her presumably telling the world) about your life, and you shouldn't give a shit about her judgments. If you're hiding something, you should ask yourself why. If he is really 14, then you should consult the laws of your state, and consider the ethics of the power disparity in your relationship.

 

[matelalique]

I've just read your cross post on Ryan being bullied at school. These are essentially the same question. If I'm not mistaken, this is a question of coming out to your roommate, and hence your family when she gossips.

My experience with coming out is that most people suspect it anyway, but there will be trainwrecks - people who don't want to associate with you anymore (don't like gay people, don't want to be associated with gay people, don't want people to realise that they are gay, feel that you deceived them), but most people will treat you as you. Hiding the gay is a lot more stressful than dealing with being gay, which you will only realise when you come out fully.

Good luck to both of you, and I hope you decide to come out and live openly, and not waste Ryan's college experience by doing it in the closet like I did, and what the OP seems to have done.

 

[7"24]

14 that's disgusting, he is definitely 18. The problem is we are both still in the closet secretly living very "straight" lives that's why it's hard. And why I'm seeking advice on these things hopefully we can both come out together one day.

 

[Dave NoCal]

Plus, these guys live in Texas which is not in the forefront of enlightenment. Austin is not bad.

 

[Gecko4lif]

Tell her it's none of her business.

Damn straight.

 

[B_jeepguy2]

Sounds kind of like the time that one of my roomates who went to my high school and was my sister's ex boyfriend and was still good friends with her and knew all of my family confronted me about whether I was gay. He even told me that he was cool with it and that it wouldn't change our friendship if I was.

I really wanted to tell him the truth but I did not want my family and everyone back in the one horse town where I grew up in to know about it and I was not confident that he could keep his mouth shut. I denied it but I am pretty sure he knew the truth and I suspect he and my sister had discussed my sexuality and had come to the conclusion that I was gay.

I suspect that your roomate probably knows exactly what is up with you. She probably knows that you are seeing someone and that it is not a girl. She just wants you to confirm what she already knows and whether you choose to is completely up to you.

 

[7"24]

I agree I totally know she knows lol. But so long as I haven't said it to her then there is only so far she can go. If I confirm it she can tell the world, and it's not her place to do That so I lied. I will come out on my own not by the decisions of those around me. It's funny my boyfriend Ryan stayed over last weekend she was in bed when we came in, the next morning we snuck out but I know she saw him, instead of asking me that day she stalked my Facebook looking for clues that I was seeing some one, when I told her no, she was like "for future reference I want to know when some one is in my apartment" so she knew she was being sneaky about it and I know she just wants confirmation so she can gossip about it.

 

[monel]

I agree I totally know she knows lol. But so long as I haven't said it to her then there is only so far she can go. If I confirm it she can tell the world, and it's not her place to do That so I lied. I will come out on my own not by the decisions of those around me. It's funny my boyfriend Ryan stayed over last weekend she was in bed when we came in, the next morning we snuck out but I know she saw him, instead of asking me that day she stalked my Facebook looking for clues that I was seeing some one, when I told her no, she was like "for future reference I want to know when some one is in my apartment" so she knew she was being sneaky about it and I know she just wants confirmation so she can gossip about it.

You need a new roommate.

 

[7"24]

Tell me about it, I just started my job so hopefully I can be out by November. The sad part is she thinks I'm her best friend lol, yet all she cares about is her self. She has no problem spending money on other people so she can say she's a great friend but on the emotional side of things not so much. Why do most girls have to gossip so much, they wonder why some guys don't open up to them. I think it's pretty obvious we aren't that stupid we know you tell all your "girlfriends" everything.

 

[hockeysweat]

Tell me about it, I just started my job so hopefully I can be out by November. The sad part is she thinks I'm her best friend lol, yet all she cares about is her self. She has no problem spending money on other people so she can say she's a great friend but on the emotional side of things not so much. Why do most girls have to gossip so much, they wonder why some guys don't open up to them. I think it's pretty obvious we aren't that stupid we know you tell all your "girlfriends" everything.

Sounds like you've got a good handle on her personality and the dynamics of the situation.

If you read my posts on your other thread, you may recall that I'm a big advocate of coming out as way of liberating yourself. But it's important to do so at the time and place of your choosing. Your response was spot-on.

The subtext here is interesting. Do you have a problem with dating an 18-year old? If you don't, you shouldn't have a problem telling her (and her presumably telling the world) about your life, and you shouldn't give a shit about her judgments. If you're hiding something, you should ask yourself why. If he is really 14, then you should consult the laws of your state, and consider the ethics of the power disparity in your relationship.

What the fuck?

 

[helgaleena]

If your roommate is living in a fantasy land where she thinks she can buy friendship, her feelings are going to be hurt eventually anyhow.

Be sure you don't accept 'bribes' from her in the way of favors too much as you prepare to ease yourself out of her life, for she will probably try the 'after all I've done for you' attack.

It sounds as if you and she engage in this business of 'plausible denial' quite a lot, and are somewhat adept at interpreting each others subtext. Still, she needs to drop it for now unless she wants to make trouble for you and your Ryan. I don't know why she would want that, but her ability to back away from the questioning for now will tell you a lot about what she feels about your actual love life.

 

[424365]

You can say your seeing someone but it really is none of her business

 

[Snozzle]

If you want to keep a secret, don't half-tell it. And if someone doesn't answer a question, it's not polite to ask again. So when she asks, just say nothing. You don't owe her an answer.

24 to 18 seems like a big difference now, but when you're 36 and he's 30 (touch wood) it won't seem so great, and "In a thousand years, [you]'ll be the same age." - G B Shaw, Candida

 

[B_Nicodemous]

I agree that she is not the best of people. i disagree with your blanket assestment that it is just women or that all women are gossipy bitches. This one may be, but...

Also everyone is jumping on her. For all we know her irritation is from her thinking of you as friends and you being a snarky bitch behind her back. Not that you ARE doing that or are that, but on an internet site, well, not everyone is how they present themselves.

Pressuming all is how you describe it, you need to either tell her nothing or come out. If it is her apt. and you are not on the rental agreement, she has every right to q who you bring in. If you are both on it then it is common curtesy to let people know.

If the thing holding you back is him, then you should ask yourself how long you want to reamain in the closet while he comes to terms his sexuallity.

If people are q`ing ya both, then, unless you want to meet in the secret wolrd of cheap motels, you should prob come out. Make sure YOU are the one to do so to key people before she decides to do so for you.