Rough Sex

[Hockeytiger]

After talking with my brother a bit last night he told me he thinks that the amount of porn we were exposed to at a young age helped form the type of lovers we are. My father had a ton of it. Not that that is an excuse. I guess it does explain why I always want to go full throttle for a long time. The times when people passed out drugs/drinking was involved except for a few times in high school when I was too inexperienced.
I sometimes forget that my father would be so drunk that he would have sex withsomeone with the door open. I was 10 or 11 and remember hearing the sounds and sometimes taking a peak with my brothers. I guess that all comes into play.
I'm not expressing a fetish exactly. I just didn't know if other people truly enjoyed rough sex like I do.
Thanks everyone for listening.
Jake

Ignoring consent issues, there are, of course, quite a few people who enjoy giving and receiving such types of sex. I'm not really one of them. The sex you described is focused more on one's own pleasure. That's where I'm not fond of it. If I just want to focus on my pleasure, I'll just masturbate. When I have sex, it is about the two of us. That certainly doesn't mean that rough sex can't be enjoyable for both parties, but as you described it, you seem to focus only on your needs. If I may make a leap here, I suggest that you lack empathy for your partners. The fact that your brother, and perhaps your father as well, feel the same way indicates that this is probably not an issue of porn as much as your upbringing. My guess (and I will emphasize that it is merely a guess) is that the lack of empathy is due to abuse. Another guess is that you have difficulty expressing your emotions (even more than the average man) and perhaps suffered problems with substance abuse (probably alcohol), which results in occasional random sexual encounters that you usually regret afterwards. Of course, I could be way off, but my guess is that there is a good deal of truth in what I said.

I don't bring this all up to scold you in any way. Just think on it. Self analyze yourself. Are you happy being this way? If you are, so be it, it is your life. If not, take control of your life.

Being an athlete has nothing to do with your feelings. There aren't many sports that involve as much physical brutality and physical domination as hockey (though there are a few) and I can't say your feelings were ever very prevalent among my teammates.

Best of luck to you. Empathy is a critcal part of sex, even rough, dominating sex. You are missing out.

 

[TitanicJake]

Wow you guys are so kind. It is sometimes difficult for me to find kindness in this world. Some of what you said was right on. I am selfreflecting and I stopped drinking this summer as I had a drunken sexual encounter with two coworkers (one male the other female) and it rocked me as I would never want to endanger my job as a wrestling coach.
I have a lot of sex. It is not always rough. It was very rough with my coworkers with all 3 of us roughly participating. It just got to me.
I love my dad but he had his issues as well. Porn was available but not thrust upon me. Dad did have sex in a way that promoted total domination. His enormous stature and competitive edge was something I thought I had to emulate.
Being a wrestler, sex was thrust upon me and not introduced gently. I was doing things at a young age and being coached in fucking as if it were a sport. When I was 14 my body looked 16 and people ran with it. Many times I did what I thought I should be doing not what I wanted to do.
I could elaborate but I don't want to offend anyone.
I guess I am at odds with myself as now I am the coach and my boys come to me for sexual advice both hetro and homo. I hear myself saying words like respect, gentle, embrace, love, and I tell them I do not approve of group "get off" parties the boys host at one of their houses. I am a hypicrate but I am working on it.
Thanks for not being too hard on me.
Jake
PS I had sex last night and I made sure I was the last one to cum. No one was hurt (just sore). I used safe words.

 

[Bbucko]

I guess I am at odds with myself as now I am the coach and my boys come to me for sexual advice both hetro and homo. I hear myself saying words like respect, gentle, embrace, love, and I tell them I do not approve of group "get off" parties the boys host at one of their houses. I am a hypicrate but I am working on it.


PS I had sex last night and I made sure I was the last one to cum. No one was hurt (just sore). I used safe words.

Jake-
Much of waht you've said resonates with me, but I really want to comment on two things specifically, which I culled and quoted above:

1) You are absolutely NOT a hypocrite for using your position as an authority figure/mentor to young people to get out a healthy message. They don't need to be informed of your own activities, it's none of their business.

And anything other than a consistently healthy message is actually rather predatory, whether you act it out with them or just give them ideas that they are too immature to handle.

2) I'm glad you used safe words. They are important in and of themselves, but they also show that you understand the importance of communication in this type of play. As long as it's consentual and communicated, there is nothing but pleasure to come from such practices.

 

[BurningVenus]

Wow you guys are so kind. It is sometimes difficult for me to find kindness in this world. Some of what you said was right on. I am selfreflecting and I stopped drinking this summer as I had a drunken sexual encounter with two coworkers (one male the other female) and it rocked me as I would never want to endanger my job as a wrestling coach.
I have a lot of sex. It is not always rough. It was very rough with my coworkers with all 3 of us roughly participating. It just got to me.
I love my dad but he had his issues as well. Porn was available but not thrust upon me. Dad did have sex in a way that promoted total domination. His enormous stature and competitive edge was something I thought I had to emulate.
Being a wrestler, sex was thrust upon me and not introduced gently. I was doing things at a young age and being coached in fucking as if it were a sport. When I was 14 my body looked 16 and people ran with it. Many times I did what I thought I should be doing not what I wanted to do.
I could elaborate but I don't want to offend anyone.
I guess I am at odds with myself as now I am the coach and my boys come to me for sexual advice both hetro and homo. I hear myself saying words like respect, gentle, embrace, love, and I tell them I do not approve of group "get off" parties the boys host at one of their houses. I am a hypicrate but I am working on it.
Thanks for not being too hard on me.
Jake
PS I had sex last night and I made sure I was the last one to cum. No one was hurt (just sore). I used safe words.

There is something about you that is very likable and real. If I thought you were just a brute, I would not talk to you. Really.

When you're 14 and doing what you thought you should -- not what you want to do -- you are being molested and raped-- and if it was by an adult(s) -- its worse.

And you can love and miss your dad and accept that some of what he did was harmful -- you don't have to choose.

You quit drinking -- great -- and you're checking yourself -- you are probably doing better than you think.

Some counseling for the pain of the past, IMO, would be helpful. Good therapists can be hard to find. If you ever want or need some help in finding someone in your area, PM me, and I'll try to help. OK?

 

[B_Monster]

wow, TitanicJake, i think im your brother, i do the same thing, love it real rough but not into pain, well, maybe a little pain, lol, thanks buddy

 

[Principessa]

Wow you guys are so kind. It is sometimes difficult for me to find kindness in this world. Some of what you said was right on. I am self-reflecting and I stopped drinking this summer Congratulations! That is a very big deal and not an easy thing to do. as I had a drunken sexual encounter with two coworkers (one male the other female) and it rocked me as I would never want to endanger my job as a wrestling coach.
I have a lot of sex. It is not always rough. It was very rough with my coworkers with all 3 of us roughly participating. It just got to me.
I love my dad but he had his issues as well. Porn was available but not thrust upon me. Dad did have sex in a way that promoted total domination. His enormous stature and competitive edge was something I thought I had to emulate. Many of us aspire to be like our parents in some ways. It takes time and maturity to realize that their ways may not be the best thing for us to do.
Being a wrestler, sex was thrust upon me and not introduced gently. I was doing things at a young age and being coached in fucking as if it were a sport. When I was 14 my body looked 16 and people ran with it. That happens to a lot of people, unfortunately you are not alone in this. Many times I did what I thought I should be doing not what I wanted to do. I can relate to that as well :redface:
I could elaborate but I don't want to offend anyone.
I guess I am at odds with myself as now I am the coach and my boys come to me for sexual advice both hetro and homo. I hear myself saying words like respect, gentle, embrace, love, and I tell them I do not approve of group "get off" parties the boys host at one of their houses. I am a hypocrate but I am working on it.
Thanks for not being too hard on me.
Jake
PS I had sex last night and I made sure I was the last one to cum. No one was hurt (just sore). I used safe words.

Sounds like you self-censored yourself sexually. How did that feel? To be more aware of your partners feelings and needs as well as your own?

 

[2322]

Some counseling for the pain of the past, IMO, would be helpful. Good therapists can be hard to find. If you ever want or need some help in finding someone in your area, PM me, and I'll try to help. OK?

Much of waht you've said resonates with me, but I really want to comment on two things specifically, which I culled and quoted above:

1) You are absolutely NOT a hypocrite for using your position as an authority figure/mentor to young people to get out a healthy message. They don't need to be informed of your own activities, it's none of their business.

And anything other than a consistently healthy message is actually rather predatory, whether you act it out with them or just give them ideas that they are too immature to handle.

Agreed and agreed. Excellent observations.

If you do want someone to talk to about this, please PM me as well. My sister is a psychotherapist in NYC. She has worked extensively with gay and straight men with sexual issues and has loads of contacts in the field. Just ask and I will give you her contact information. You don't have to reveal your identity to me at all and lest you worry, if you think she would tell me anything, forget it. She's an Aires :wink:.

This is a support group after all and I like you; even moreso now that I know you're doing a great job guiding young people.

Too many times things happen to boys and we don't say anything. The stigma of not saying anything is too much. Worse, our bodies can betray us. We're taught that if we get hard or touches feel good then it must have been what we really wanted. Nor is all sex black and white. The meanings behind what we do can be complex.

Keep posting if you want to talk about it. Sounds like you're discovering some important thngs about yourself. It's good to do so, but can be very difficult.

 

[B_josiah852]

Rough no. Passionate yes.

 

[Hockeytiger]

Good to hear, Jake. Safe words with that type of sex is crucial. It also cedes actual control to your partner, so it may feel different. Rough sex is perfectly cool then. I occasionally engage in it myself (a few times a year, when my wife wants it). And there certainly is nothing wrong with a lot of sex :biggrin1: .

There ain't nothing wrong with loving your dad, even if he wasn't perfect. In fact, that is a deeper kind of love; when we realize and accept others' shortcomings, whether few or many, and still love them anyway. I have my faults, so does my wife, brothers, and parents.

I also agree with others in that you are not a hypocrite. You are teaching them what they need to hear as young men. They need to hear a healthy message about sex and emotion, especially since young men of that age don't necessarily link the two, and perhaps especially true of athletes. I must say that I am amazed that they are comfortable coming to you about sexual matters, especially homosexual matters. Wow times must really have changed or you inspire a heck of a lot of trust with those young men (a combination of the two, most likely). Good for you for keeping the healthy message on target. I now coach 13-14 year olds, and I hope I can convincingly impart the same message if any should inquire, none have as of yet (whew!).

If alcohol was indeed a negative influence on your life, good for you for realizing it and resolving to do something about it. Realize that it will be a life long struggle.

Best of luck to you.

 

[Jeffin90620]

Personally, I think sex is best when it is just barely survived (my Viking heritage, I expect).

Most women do not agree, or if they thought they did, don't really have the same limits.

I used to date a black woman who, when I got as vigorous as I could, would come so hard she passed out. She said I was the only one who made her come like that (but then, she could just have been stroking my ego).

Another woman, this one a 5'10" blonde who used to be a real-life Baywatch lifeguard, also liked vigorous sex. She would place her feet under mine so I could get a "pushing off" point for thrusting into her when I didn't have a wall available.

At a swing club in the Bay Area, I put a 5' MILF into a pile-driver position and really gave it to her. After I finished and stood up, she lay there writhing. I asked her husband if she was okay and he said that she got that way when she was really enjoying herself. Gotta admit, I'd never seen a woman keep on coming 20 seconds after I pulled out, without even touching herself.

Except for liking casual sex with well-hung strangers, my GF is like most women in that she prefers it on the gentle-to-moderate side. We were at a party in Palm Springs last month and she told me that the host was better than I was because, even though he was smaller and she normally likes them huge, he was gentler.

 

[BurningVenus]

P.

:scared2: :shocked:

Shouldn't you be out marking your territory somewhere? :11: Surely there's a fire hydrantost: somewhere you've missed.:werd: :bling1: :wtf1: :gives2: :chairshot: :bash:

 

[JMeister]

What's the difference between intense sex and rough sex? I like it intense but if for example a women left gouges in my back with her nails or bite marks I would say that's rough and not at all desirable.

A deep pounding or deep throating could be intense or rough depending on desires of the recipient...

 

[Not_Punny]

....I also like it when they squeeze my nuts as a signal to exit their throat but I keep it there for a moment longer.... Sometimes people have begged me to stop and I didn't and it became a wrestling match which made me love it more...

Wow, Jake, you're very brave to open up like this.

Everyone has had their .02, but I did want to make one comment.

What worried me were the comments that I bolded above. If I let someone be dom or rough with me, I still want to be respected. If I say enough (or use an established safe word if we established one before starting) then I want that to be respected.

As a lightweight (115lbs - 118 tops on a "fat" day), I don't have the body mass to protect myself -- and not everyone you're going to have sex with is going to be a wrestler.

Have fun, but also have respect.:wink:

 

[fistbottom]

I only get fucked rough - anything else bores me!

 

[Industrialsize]

ANYTHING for my coach

 

[LemacST]

You know, wanting rough sex really depends on the girl.

There are some girls that I love to "wreck"--basically but super rough with them and not really mind if it hurts them (they like the pain and being submissive).

There are other girls who I could not be like that with because they're too...hmm.."precious" to me, I guess? I would not wnat to give them any form of pain, just passionate, intimate, soul-bonding sex. Sometimes this can turn rough by the climax, but it's never intended to be pleasurable pain as the other kind of sex.

Both are enjoyable

 

[2322]

:scared2: :shocked:
Shouldn't you be out marking your territory somewhere? :11: Surely there's a fire hydrantost: somewhere you've missed. :werd: :bling1: :wtf1: :gives2: :chairshot: :bash:

Certainly you meant to say, "I find those sexual activities not to my liking," as you couldn't possibly believe yourself to be in a moral position to judge what other consenting adults do during sex.

 

[BurningVenus]

Certainly you meant to say, "I find those sexual activities not to my liking," as you couldn't possibly believe yourself to be in a moral position to judge what other consenting adults do during sex.

No, that's not what I meant to say at all. Surely you don't think I need help forming my own sentences?

Scroll up, farther, keep going. Past the blinking colored thingies. Yeah, right there.

 

[B_andyo]

rough sex 50% - 50%

 

[BurningVenus]

rough sex 50% - 50%

Andyo, I loved your video. :biggrin1: But isn't selling stuff on here a problem?