Rude Awakenings - Obscene phone call

DC_DEEP

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For obscene calls, the worst thing to do is give them the response they want: fear, disgust, or shock.

For repeated wrong numbers, Danny DeVito did it best in "Ruthless People": "No, Lisa can't come to the phone, she's got my cock in her mouth." Adjust as necessary for the situation. "No, Mike can't come to the phone. He just left with his girlfriend."

Jerry Seinfeld did OK with his response to a telemarketer: "This is not a good time. Give me you home number, and I'll call you back." For telemarketers or other "faux-business" calls, I tend to go surreal until they surrender...

Caller: Will you take the time to answer a few questions for a survey?
Me: Purple.
Caller: Excuse me, I didn't get that...
Me: Notebook.
Caller: Sir, is there someone I can talk to...
Me: Circle.
Caller: I'm sorry to have bothered you.
Me: Formula.
 

findfirefox

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I received a call yesterday that was more irritating then obscene here is how it went-

*Cell Phone rings*
Me: Hello?
Caller: Hey, Can I talk to Brian?
Me: Umm, there's no Brian here, I thi-
Caller: No, he's there!
Me: I think you have the wrong number...
Caller: No, this is his number, let me talk to Brian mann
Me: Um.. No this is my number, not "Brian's". I have had the number for years
Caller: What are you high?
Me: No, I'm at work.
Caller: Well do you work a pot factory?
Me: Yes, that makes lots of sense.
Caller: Oh. Just let me talk to Brian I know he's nearby.
Me: Um, I just said I'm at work, he is not nearby.
Caller: Come On
*Call ended*

During that call I gained a small audience of co-workers staring at me like "WTF??"

Recently I also got a call on my cell phone while I was asleep, I charge my cell phone like 6 inches from head so when it rings I wake. It went as follows-

*Call Answered*
Me: *Grumble/sigh* Hello?
Caller: *Breathing*
Me: Hello?
Caller: *Loud Scream*
Me: Jesus fucking Christ
Caller: Hahahaa
Me: Your a fucking moron.
Caller: Nuh Uh
Me: Try *67 next dumbass, I got your number.
*Call ended*

But that was not the end for him, because the FuckTard sent his number (Someone needs to learn about *67). My next step was to go over to setup my computer to send a Fax to that phone number, Over, and Over, with 50 attempts to send. I placed the computer in another room and listened a few times, quite funny.

*Computer Attempt 1*
Victim: Don't call me!
Computer: *SQUEEEEEEEK*
*computer Attempt 2*
Victim: Don't call here anymore
Computer: *SQUEEEEEEK*

I went to bed at about there, so I wonder how that worked out for him.