Sad love story, Opinions and advice needed

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by DarkFreak, Nov 19, 2008.

  1. DarkFreak

    DarkFreak New Member

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    I've been browsing this site for quite awhile now... I never posted for some reason until now...

    First i'd inform everyone that I am gay.

    So, Here's the story

    About a year ago, My best friend at the time (Omar) fell on some hard times. As his family is the opposite of rich, His dad lived in someones garage converted into a house. His mom lives with her brother and his 4 kids in a 3 bedroom house. He has 2 other brothers... So living space was tight and he was on non speaking terms with his dad. So I allowed him to live with me for 8 months rent free as he recently lost his job. 4 months into it, I began to have feelings for him but I kept them secret, towards the end of the 5th month the feelings turned into me falling in love. at Month 7 I confessed it to him, He claimed to be Bi-sexual by the way... So we talked about doing things :wink: and ended up doing it... Then towards the end of month 7 and the beginning of month 8. He started to fall for my younger sister. The last time I seen him he had officially began dating her and packed up his things and moved to his dads garage... Sometime after moving he dumped my sister.

    It has been nearly 5 months since he left and I have not gotten over it, I have dated 5 other people and have another 3 wanting to date me. But they all never work out because i'm not over him... Actually quite depressed because of it. I've done all I can do to get over him. There are times where I'll be sitting in my house doing something and a rush of sadness feels me because of him... Awhile ago I sent him a message on myspace, Pretty much confessing how i'm not over him and all that stuff. He replied with apologizing for my feelings towards him and how he aswell thought about his sexual preferance came to the conclusion he's as straight as an arrow.

    I talked to my best friends girl friend about it and she said "he cant be straight, because he had sex with you" and so on. The next day my sister (his ex) sends me a AIM "Can i borrow the laptop, And i think Omar is gay"... So I go to my dads house and give her the laptop and we began talking about it. She talked to her gay friends about it and because his choice of style is pretty gay, He was a girl for halloween (they said it), He had sex with me aswell as claimed to have done 2 other guys, and his family are strict mexican catholics. He is but he is hiding it... Then I heard the same thing from my mom the same day.

    So i sent him another message with explaining how everything points to gay, From what i know of him he's very impressionable and adapts to different surroundings. He didn't have much to say other then "i'm straight, i like to do women"... But the women he's dated he dumped after a week. For reasons unknown...

    What does everyone here think?

    I cant get over him, I came out because he made me. My mom asked me why do i love him so much... It's because he made me feel like nothing else matters, Everything negative wasnt there. It was all just peaches and cream
     
    #1 DarkFreak, Nov 19, 2008
    Last edited: Nov 19, 2008
  2. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    I personally think you need to focus on getting over him. Trying to force him to decide his sexuality doesn't sound like a guy that wants to get over him. I recommend trying your hardest to get over him. Time will heal all this desire for him.

    As for you falling in love for him, it's very possible... but it's also possible you just fell in love with the idea of him being around, enjoying his company and the sexual activities he offered. I'm not trying to sound like a dick head... I just read something that has me concerned. You claim, "I have dated 5 other people and have another 3 wanting to date me. But they all never work out because i'm not over him... ". If you go into it thinking that, you won't move on. You'll always dwell.

    Stop dwelling on whether he prefers guys or girls and start focusing on remembering that he left, after fucking around with your sister. I hope this helps.
     
  3. Corius

    Corius New Member

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    My reaction to your story is that it illustrates the burden which the ill-informed "conventional wisdom" (?) which surrounds the whole area of human sexuality puts on young persons and makes their journey into the fullness of their sexuailty a time of confusion and a host of mistakes in ordinary relationships.

    Be generous in your assessment of your friend. And, by all means, do keep in a close touch with him as you can. You can be a great help to him, even if that means that you will never ever get together as sexual partners.

    My feeling is that in ideal circumstances when two persons bond in friendship and love there comes that time when no seduction is needed; both feel the need and desire for sex and it comes about naturally and seems to both to be right. Your friend obviously has unresolved issues and you will have to be patient. In spite of a good start with you and having described himself as bisexual he seemed to need to prove that the other part of his sexuality was real.

    I accept the label of bisexual for myself, but I prefer to think of myself as ambi-sexual. I have had loving long-term relationships with men and also with women. (I have been married for many years.) Not all persons who call themselves bisexuals find that they can settle down on one side of their sexuality. There was a time when young men had no other models than that of the heterosexual couple. But some find that even more oppressive than being single and satisfied with occasional sex with men and women, or both. To me, the goal one ought to strive for is a loving relationship in which one can be fully content and very faithful.

    You know the young man and can make some judgments as to where you can be helpful to him and to yourself. I wish that your efforts may be successful. You will need lots of patience.
     
  4. sexplease

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    "I cant get over him, I came out because he made me. My mom asked me why do i love him so much... It's because he made me feel like nothing else matters, Everything negative wasnt there. It was all just peaches and cream"

    The issue of his real or perceived sexuality is not really what is of importance.
    You came out because You made Yourself open to feelings of love. And that is always a good thing. Being honest. You know, when You give of yourself (in love or in helping people) you truly give and you also experience another part of love.
    I can speak of one of my past loves. Andy. Today, after knowing each other for nearly 22 years, I care about him and love him just as I did a few weeks after meeting him. Like all people, Andy had his own path to follow. In all relationships, sometimes you walk side-by-side for a day, sometimes a year and sometimes a lifetime.
    After we dated for 6 months, over the course of about two weeks, he kind of just quietly left. Because he had his path to follow.
    I learned, Andy didn't leave me as much as he needed to find himself. I carried the torch for him for seven years! I dated others. And, I didn't date. and I thought so often of him and what "peaches and cream" we had. I still smile about those sweet memories. (as close friends now, I smile just from knowing him.

    You will never love like that again, BUT, YOU WILL love again.

    There are three people when you get involved with someone:
    The person you think they are.
    The person they really are.
    And, the person they become as a result of knowing you.

    Enjoy the time you have to spend together.
     
  5. bottombuddy

    bottombuddy Member

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    i think you need to get a life......and leave this person alone as clearly he doesnt want to be with you....his sexuality should be of no concern to you whatsoever or what he is doing with his lif as of now.

    the answers your looking for are in your OP.........and was it all so peaches and cream?...cmon waken up and smell the coffee.

    we all fall in and out of love throught our lives and just have to get on with it.......like you say you its been 5 months and youve dated 5 already and have 3 waiting......sounds to me like your trying to move on and bitching about omar with your girl friends says alot about you tbh....always death for any type of relationship when you discuss personal matters outside of it.
     
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