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Hi all,
Just wanted to reach out regarding issues I'm having in my marriage. My husband and I met back in 2017 and married pretty quick in 2018. Back in 2019, I caught him cheating on me multiple times throughout the period that we were dating, engaged and through the first year of the marriage.
Needless to say, finding that out devastated me. I have always been open with topics related to sex, and I made it known that he could look at porn online or pictures, however I made it clear that he would stay monogamous and not seek out other men to have sex with. Unfortunately, it's led me down a really dark depression and now it's been around 2 years since that bombshell occurred.
I've been going to individual counseling on and off to discuss my feelings. Ultimately, my biggest sadness is the overall loss of trust that I have in him. I've been told to either be 100% trustful again or call off the marriage, but I'm not at that point yet (I'm more like 95%). But time definitely has improved it, but he's still exhibiting worrisome behavior.
a. Every time we are in public, if he notices an attractive guy he sometimes diverts his attention towards that person, making it very obvious that he's staring. In addition, he sometimes goes out of his way to cross paths with this person and maintaining eye contact.
b. He constantly checks his phone and on Facebook, will mainly like any photos of the attractive guys he's friends with. I'm at the point where I will not check his phone because I'm giving him that level of trust to grow the relationship, but I already told him to not engage in any sexually predatory behavior to the men he knows in real life. A fantasy is a fantasy and he can look at porn or people that he does not know in real life, but he's actively putting himself in the spotlight for whatever reason.
c. He has a "secret" account where he follows HUNDREDS of other men online, constantly retweeting their thirst posts. Again, porn is fine but hundreds of thousands of likes in a few years is an obsession. I have told him to stop but he will continue to use twitter when I'm not around, just amassing so much porn and media on his page.
He tells me he's really trying and regrets the decisions that he made to cheat on me and does everything he can to make me happy, but it's his outright sexual addiction that is placing a dark cloud over our relationship.
From reading this post, it's pretty obvious he needs help or we need to call off this marriage, but the truth is my entire self respect has diminished. Maybe it's my fault for being too sensitive. I don't have it in me to call it quits because I don't feel like I deserve to feel any love again. I'm just an ugly SOB, riddled with mental issues. I try to make things work and trudge along but I'm constantly brought back down.
I don't even know what I'm looking for, but maybe someone else to hear me. Some sort of bravery to post this somewhat publicly? I don't know.
Just wanted to reach out regarding issues I'm having in my marriage. My husband and I met back in 2017 and married pretty quick in 2018. Back in 2019, I caught him cheating on me multiple times throughout the period that we were dating, engaged and through the first year of the marriage.
Needless to say, finding that out devastated me. I have always been open with topics related to sex, and I made it known that he could look at porn online or pictures, however I made it clear that he would stay monogamous and not seek out other men to have sex with. Unfortunately, it's led me down a really dark depression and now it's been around 2 years since that bombshell occurred.
I've been going to individual counseling on and off to discuss my feelings. Ultimately, my biggest sadness is the overall loss of trust that I have in him. I've been told to either be 100% trustful again or call off the marriage, but I'm not at that point yet (I'm more like 95%). But time definitely has improved it, but he's still exhibiting worrisome behavior.
a. Every time we are in public, if he notices an attractive guy he sometimes diverts his attention towards that person, making it very obvious that he's staring. In addition, he sometimes goes out of his way to cross paths with this person and maintaining eye contact.
b. He constantly checks his phone and on Facebook, will mainly like any photos of the attractive guys he's friends with. I'm at the point where I will not check his phone because I'm giving him that level of trust to grow the relationship, but I already told him to not engage in any sexually predatory behavior to the men he knows in real life. A fantasy is a fantasy and he can look at porn or people that he does not know in real life, but he's actively putting himself in the spotlight for whatever reason.
c. He has a "secret" account where he follows HUNDREDS of other men online, constantly retweeting their thirst posts. Again, porn is fine but hundreds of thousands of likes in a few years is an obsession. I have told him to stop but he will continue to use twitter when I'm not around, just amassing so much porn and media on his page.
He tells me he's really trying and regrets the decisions that he made to cheat on me and does everything he can to make me happy, but it's his outright sexual addiction that is placing a dark cloud over our relationship.
From reading this post, it's pretty obvious he needs help or we need to call off this marriage, but the truth is my entire self respect has diminished. Maybe it's my fault for being too sensitive. I don't have it in me to call it quits because I don't feel like I deserve to feel any love again. I'm just an ugly SOB, riddled with mental issues. I try to make things work and trudge along but I'm constantly brought back down.
I don't even know what I'm looking for, but maybe someone else to hear me. Some sort of bravery to post this somewhat publicly? I don't know.