Safe sex - definitions, practices and gut reactions to them

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by va_lk_yr_ie, May 16, 2007.

  1. va_lk_yr_ie

    va_lk_yr_ie Member

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    On a more serious note from me than you're used to seeing. I've been doing a bit (make that quite a lot) of thinking and reading about safer sex practices lately.

    This for various reasons. I'm recently out of a longterm relationship (that was an open relationship - meaning we saw others both on our own and together - thus the existence of my current lovers) and moving out into the dating scene again. Just recently I've also seen a bit too high number of close friends hit by various STI:s (some active in the swinger's world like we were, some just "regular" people).

    Now - condom for penetrative sex has always been there for me - non-negotiable. It's been one occasion only, apart from my then longterm partner, when it wasn't there. With a lover since long time back (we're speaking over 4 years) that I knew was (and is) religious in his condom use with others and even that single occasion felt strange. I'm still seeing that lover today, and yes, we're using condoms - that was a one-time-never-again for both of us. He felt as strange about it as I did.

    That part of safe sex is in itself not too strange or complicated - very few (if anyone) reacts to the suggestion to use a condom for 'actual' sex - and if they do it's a surefire ticket out of my bedroom.

    But - and this is where I'm debating with myself. I know there is a (low, but still there) risk for STI transmission during oral sex too. Now, sucking, licking, stroking, eating cock (or pussy) is one of my favorite activities besides penetrating sex. Can't say that I much like the taste of condoms (flavored lubricants make it bearable - but that's about it), nor the feel of giving a blow-job with a condom - done it, don't really like it, neither has any of the partners I've done it with.

    How high that risk is? Well, that's what I can't find any indication on. Lower than unprotected penetrative sex, yes - but how much lower? Am I in reality putting myself at a risk that I would rather avoid if I knew the actual numbers? (Does anyone have any real statistics on transmission rates for various STI:s and oral sex? I haven't been able to find any and I'm usually quite good with Google).

    And from another perspective - i.e. the receiver - how would you react if a woman insisted on giving you oral sex only if you wore a condom? Would you do it but not enjoy it? Would you avoid oral sex altogether and concentrate on other sexual activities as it would give you nothing (or less than you want)? Would you avoid future contact as that's a bit too safe-and-sound (read: boring) and not a potential partner that you'd continue seeing?

    I'm not looking for politically correct answers. Nor for a decision on what to do. I'm looking for your gut reaction and thoughts around this. Also for discussion - whenever I'm mulling things over it helps me to get various viewpoints.
     
  2. compsciguy

    compsciguy New Member

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    Regardless of the 'risks' or 'chances' it all comes down to who you have sexual contact with.

    You can have a 1% chance of getting AIDS but that doesn't mean shit if you happen to hook up with a guy who has it.

    If you're hooking up randomly, you better use protection, I know it sucks but come on - is a moment of horny fun worth a lifetime of some nasty STD?

    Condoms suck. A lot. But as far as I know there isn't really anything better in terms of prevention. Female condoms seem awkward and probably won't ever catch on.
     
  3. IntoxicatingToxin

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    This news may be old... but in my senior year of high school (2000), I gave a guy a blowjob... and then he later went a little crazy when I didn't want to be his girlfriend so he told me he had HIV. So... I went to my science teacher (of all people, right?) and asked him about the odds of getting HIV thru oral sex. He told me two things. He said that first of all, the HIV virus dies as soon as it hits oxygen. So that made it fairly unlikely. Also, he said that the only way you could get HIV thru oral was if I happened to have a cold sore or something in my mouth that the virus could get transmitted through. (I found out about 6 months later after freaking out and getting frequent HIV testing that this guy was lying and only said it to make me angry - he didn't have HIV.)

    I also found this online - it's a conversation between several doctors about the risks of getting HIV through oral. It's not a very exciting read, but it might help. Risk of HIV Infection Through Receptive Oral Sex

    Oh! Found another link....
    http://www.hiv.va.gov/vahiv?page=ptfaq-2006-02-27
     
  4. WildHoney

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    I use condoms with men for sex, always no exceptions ( cept hubby but he and I are exclusivve like that) I also use condoms for oral if the guy wants me to swallow ( again exception is hubby)

    I love cum and love sex, just not enough to die for.

    I will however play the risk card with fingering, kissing, oral sex on me, and sucking cock as foreplay without a condom on. I just dont like to be too clinical about it all, as actually all sorts of foreplay carry some risks.

    ...but I want to be safe, it is a fine line. I also make all men who play with me wash their hands with antibacterical soap beforehand.....so I guess I am unromatic but sensible..I also have a lot of sex and different partners and need to be safe...

    I have been playing for a long time ( swinging) and get 6 monthly checks for std's I have never had more than a yeast infection ( not due to sex)

    In the world in which we play, safe sex a a HUGE thing, and I'd say the vast majoity of people we play with are anal (pardon the pun) about safe sex as they are mostly suburban couples wanting a spicey, not deadly sex life.

    x

    Honey
     
  5. alleight

    alleight Member

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    i wish i had more discipline. but, no matter how much thinkng I do beforehand, if i am with a woman for the first time and i get a whiff of her pussy...my brain shuts off and i am..."sucking, licking, stroking, eating" away.
     
  6. Blocko

    Blocko Member

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    My brain never shuts off, but sometimes I do get caught by surprise during foreplay with a new girl... this is usually them not me. I do really like a girl who'll take matters into her own hands... but after that initial "man that feels good", I'm pretty insistent about stopping and "getting suitably dressed" :smile:.

     
  7. va_lk_yr_ie

    va_lk_yr_ie Member

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    Thanks for the reflections so far.

    TattoedMamaMeg. Thanks for the links - it only confirms what I've already read, i.e. that HIV transmission through oral sex is unlikely, unless there is an open sore in the mouth.

    My concern was more around other STI:s - chlamydia, gonhorrea, syphilis etc. They can all be spread through oral sex too - more unlikely than through penetrating sex, but still possible. And this is where I've been unable to find any indicators on actual transmission rates. Chlamydia in particular is much more common than HIV - and also silent in many cases in that it produces few to no symptoms in the affected person.

    WildHoney. Your line of reasoning is very similar to what I've done myself so far and for the six years we were swinging as a couple. Foreplay, stroking, sucking, massaging - all without condoms. Penetrating sex or if he wants to come in my mouth - with a condom.

    I've not been affected with any STI either during these years, also had regular check-ups and have felt fairly certain in the choice I've made and the risks taken.

    What caused concern for me though is that other couples I know (some fairly well) from this world recently have gotten infected with STI:s. Couples I from experience know have a similar reasoning - condom for everything except foreplay. Now, nothing is guaranteed - they may have slipped, they may have chosen to change their strategy on how they have sex with others - but the news was enough alarm to cause concern for me and how I've reasoned so far.
     
  8. Love-it

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    The title of this thread reminded me of a cheap re-usable contraceptive that I heard about in the '60's, and of course in that day and age it was up to the woman: she simply places a quarter between her knee's and keeps it in place, simple yet effective. But only for contraception in certain positions and precludes the problems with STD's from oral sex.
     
  9. IntoxicatingToxin

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  10. Theunbroken

    Theunbroken New Member

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    Imo, its your right to ask for a condom even for oral, after all, if they disagree, tell them where to stick it.. because its a 2 way activity that requires both parties to be happy with whats happening.. (unless your into that kind of dominating stuff.. which is fair enough :smile: )

    i would have no complaints to wearing a condom i dont think, because your point is perfectly reasonable and if someone can't accept that then they are not worth your concern :smile:
     
  11. dudepiston

    dudepiston New Member

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    This has been helpful. I was just thinking about this the other day. I'm not having sex with anyone presently but if I found the right guy or guys to play around with, I'd love to try oral on them. I was assuming we'd use a condom...flavored, maybe with a vibrating ring to add to it for him, since the sensation is reduced. Anyone have recommendations on some good, thin condoms that would be good for oral sex?
     
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