Same Sex Winks - How to handle?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Stone1234, Jul 5, 2005.

  1. Stone1234

    Stone1234 New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 17, 2005
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    I have been in mix groups of people, even at work, and some guys and women would wink at me. I don't know how to handle the male winks. I am very conservative and in management but have some married and unmarried guys winking at me. I have never responded to the winks from the guys. How should one response to same-sex winks? What to you think about this situation? Any suggestions?
     
  2. Mighty Joe

    Mighty Joe New Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2004
    Messages:
    250
    Likes Received:
    1
    If you are gay (and it is obvious), then perhaps it's a secret sign of awareness - not necessaily acceptance.
    Just try winking back. :rolleyes:
     
  3. D_Martin van Burden

    D_Martin van Burden Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2002
    Messages:
    3,365
    Likes Received:
    6
    Hmmm. I don't know. I always thought winking was pretty benign, 'cept in that ol' rugged ol' man giving a wink to a considerably younger, sometimes hot woman. When it wasn't an exaggerated gesture, I can recall winking at both guys and girls and in neither sense did it mean anything more than a "Gotcha." or "Hey there."

    I go for the subtle-like-a-Mack-truck smack on the rump anyway. :D
     
  4. scotter

    scotter New Member

    Joined:
    May 19, 2004
    Messages:
    19
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    louisville
    Take it as a compliment and move on.
     
  5. Anyjoe

    Anyjoe Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2005
    Messages:
    287
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    37
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Palm Springs, CA
    Since you said you were in management....
    Simply smile and continue on your way.
    It has happened to me many times. :)
     
  6. Pene_Negro_Grande

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2004
    Messages:
    1,100
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Right Next To You
    Do what I do - give a thumbs up...People never know what to think of that...
     
  7. steve319

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2005
    Messages:
    1,205
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    North Carolina
    That sounds like a fun way to go! Or maybe he could bow dramatically as I tend to do when faced with an embarrassing situation (or, really, with little provocation).

    Stone, I'm not sure the wink necessarily has to mean anything flirtatious. Similar to what Dee said, it's a pretty common gesture here between guys as a non-verbal accompaniment to "I'm just yanking your chain" after merciless ribbing or "Watch this!" preceding some misdeed or even just "Hey, man!" from across the room when someone is occupied in a conversation.

    Are these winks accompanied by blown kisses or tongues pressed-in-the-cheek? ;)
     
  8. B_RoysToy

    B_RoysToy New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2003
    Messages:
    7,558
    Likes Received:
    64
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    memphis, tennessee
    Stone -- How many different men have winked at you in this group? I ask about the men because they seem to be the ones you're asking how to handle. Also, have the same ones winked at you several times on different occasions? It's possible that it's a habit of someone who's showing approval, acceptance, or thanks.

    I think Pene-Negro_Grande's suggestion of giving a thumbs-up is a great way to handle it and would be apropos in most instances.

    Luke
     
  9. eastbaydude

    eastbaydude New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2005
    Messages:
    488
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Huh?

    If ANYONE winks at you at work, it's pretty much not OK. No one should be winking at anyone at work. If it's doen with any sexual overtone, it's sexual harassment on their part and sexual harassment on your part to make a move on it. I just don't hear of this happening in a work situation.

    Now, if you say you're getting it from both men and women and that some of the men are married..... I'd really consider taking a reality check on this one. This sounds off the wall - unless of course you are a professional make stripper or somehting like that.
     
  10. cksummer

    cksummer New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2005
    Messages:
    12
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    California
    If you're that concerned over something as innocuous as a wink, I sure don't know how in the hell you function on a daily basis, actually speaking to and touching others in casual contact. Why not try simply saying, 'thanks'? If the admirer is someone in whom you might be interested, you've got an open door to pursue. Otherwise, say again, 'thanks', but this time add a 'but no thanks' to the end. Problem solved.
     
  11. blasian

    blasian New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2005
    Messages:
    28
    Likes Received:
    0
    I once played a party game where one person was the "killer", and would murder a guest by winking at him/her. However, this dude couldn't play the game because he had an unconscious habit of winking at people. I think some people just wink out of habit or as a non-sexual way of nonverbal communication. If you are very sure it's a come on, I would follow eastbaydude's advice and perhaps report it as sexual harassment.
     
  12. DC_DEEP

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2005
    Messages:
    9,029
    Likes Received:
    12
    Since this is a workplace we are talking about here, and not some seedy pick-up bar, how about this? Handle the winks from the men EXACTLY as you handle the winks from the women.

    Ignore EVERY wink, or acknowledge EVERY wink, or report EVERY wink, regardless of the winker. Again, since this is a workplace, these people are CO-WORKERS, not POTENTIAL TRICKS.
     
  13. Pene_Negro_Grande

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2004
    Messages:
    1,100
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Right Next To You
    Winks can mean a variety of things...In the movie I-Robot (maybe bad analogy) winking played a major part in the movie and it meant trust me in the movie when the robot was lying about shooting the Will Smith character...Like I said just give them the thumbs up if you don't know what they mean...
     
  14. LuckyLuke

    LuckyLuke New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2004
    Messages:
    189
    Likes Received:
    1
    I often wink at straight guys I think are hot. My advice is just ignore it if you are not interested. To acknowledge it is to encourage more. Just my two cents worth.
     
  15. jonb

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2002
    Messages:
    8,308
    Likes Received:
    2
    When one panda winks at another panda at work, that's sexual harassment. And that makes me a saaaaaad panda.
     
  16. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    jeffkevins:
    no biggie. If you're not interested, just say so. Sometimes there is an icon to hit "no thanks", without ever talking to them.
     
  17. Pye

    Pye
    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2005
    Messages:
    828
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    58
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Rhode Island, USA
    Verified:
    Photo
    It all depends on how the wink is interpreted
    WINK REASONS
    - hey are you with me on this?
    - we're all having a good time here huh?
    - Good comeback (joke) huh?
    - play along with me on this
    - hey babe (dude) you're hot!
    - catcha later!

    I'm sure that there are tons of other reasons to wink-- a wink just out of the blue without knowing what it's for can be confusing if you only associate it witha sexual comeon
    One way to respond to winks is with a chin up nod of the head which can be interpreted as
    - how ya doin?
    - how YOU doin?
    - what was that?
    - yeah I'm with you?
    - OH YEAH!

    chin up nods can be construed as many ways as winks-- so if you're confused-- confuse em back
     
  18. PinkSteel

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2005
    Messages:
    811
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    120
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Calgary (AB, CA)
    Verified:
    Photo

    Great answer Pye
    You took the words out of my mouth and added lots more. I've been at meetings where I always took it as "I'm with you on that" or if i look up after zoning out, it means "yea it's boring isn't it"
     
  19. DanielForever

    DanielForever New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2005
    Messages:
    189
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    England
    once, rather than wink or wave, i gave a nod with a serious face (i was chewing at the time which only made it cooler)

    ive never felt more butch

    nodding rather than making any gesture or implication that you either like or dislike the person,

    :wink:
     
  20. CUBE

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 28, 2005
    Messages:
    7,331
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    1,180
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The OC
    Right on...most of the time a wink means like are you with me on the idea. Like following a comment that you mean as a joke so you wink to show your poker face was just for fun. I can't believe everyone thinks this is such a big deal. I also have some students that from the front of the classroom they appear to be winking at me...it actually is just a reflex thing that they have no control over.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted