I am thinking that it is and can lead to a lot of misery, but I would be interested in other people's views.
Saving yourself - a big mistake?
- Thread starter Lordpendragon
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Do you mean not being sexually active, or some other sense of the phrase?
I'm currently not sexually active with anyone else in the room, mostly because I know that I need more of a connection than just at the hip, so to speak. For me, saving myself for someone I can connect with on more than just that level saves me a lot of aggravation.
I know this doesn't work for everyone, and there are moments I wonder why just hooking up won't work for me... but it's how I am.
Of course, if I've misunderstood the question, you may all point and laugh now.
:wink:
I'm currently not sexually active with anyone else in the room, mostly because I know that I need more of a connection than just at the hip, so to speak. For me, saving myself for someone I can connect with on more than just that level saves me a lot of aggravation.
I know this doesn't work for everyone, and there are moments I wonder why just hooking up won't work for me... but it's how I am.
Of course, if I've misunderstood the question, you may all point and laugh now.
:wink:
Hi
I do mean sexually, but I also mean with someone that you have connected with but then decide to wait.
I do mean sexually, but I also mean with someone that you have connected with but then decide to wait.
AlteredEgo
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A couple of my buddies "saved themselves" for the right girl, then "found" and married her only to find out that perhaps they should have tested the waters first. Without going into details, they had sexual incompatibility issues that would have been red flags before marriage had they been fully sexually active. The decision is such a personal one that I would hesitate to offer any advice, however. On one level, I admire your resolution tremendously. On another, I hope you aren't going to enter marriage or a long-term relationship with cloudy expectations. Probably the best course of action is to go with your gut feeling.
Lordpendragon said:
Well, if they are ok with it and trully is their choice to 'save' or wait and not imposed/pressure or etc...its their choice, and even if there is 'unhealthy' stuff going on would be nice work on this things first, bcause u can be more mess up if u disregard whatever is inside you (the gut feelings ...) and than u can have real misery adding on and on...i think.
I myself dont go for casual sex but like to flirt a lot and i do 'save' my body in some way bcause i do like to have a good brain penetration, liking the person personality and etc before genital penetration...it had save me lots of headaches for sure.:biggrin1: :tongue:
What are the reasons for doing so? Pressure from family and other religious/cultural obligations? Not good. Why blindly follow traditions and expectations when you can make your own responsible decisions about your sexual life? Saving yourself for that "special someone"? What happens when everything is perfect, you consummate the relationship, and wake up to find the sex is a problem not a joy?
Most people who subscribe to the "wait for The One" scenario have unrealistic expectations of the actual event and are often disappointed when they finally have sex with their chosen partner. Instead of seeing sex as a journey filled with exploration, they see it as an explosive first time event involving the genitals and excluding the brain--the sexiest organ in the body.
Most people who subscribe to the "wait for The One" scenario have unrealistic expectations of the actual event and are often disappointed when they finally have sex with their chosen partner. Instead of seeing sex as a journey filled with exploration, they see it as an explosive first time event involving the genitals and excluding the brain--the sexiest organ in the body.
- Doc,
Its different for everyone, but if you look back at one of my posts, and it definitely wasn't good for me. Of course I didn't manage to save it. But I held out for real long, and then I realized I had just wasted some of the best years of my life. I only wish someone else doesn't make the same mistake.
jeff black
Expert Member
No, I actually like the idea...
So many relationships start and end with sex. Why not create a foundation first, get to know your partner, and then.. if you can both wait enjoy each others company in OTHER ways.
Eventually, the sex will come. I know that it might sound oldfashioned, or silly.. but I love having a connection with people. I would think, that this connection woudl make it worth the wait.
I should clairify. I dont' mean save yourself until marriage. I meant, you two should not have sex the first night, or week.. get used to the person, have sex in the 5-6 month range or soemthing like that.
You will know when you are ready to go.
So many relationships start and end with sex. Why not create a foundation first, get to know your partner, and then.. if you can both wait enjoy each others company in OTHER ways.
Eventually, the sex will come. I know that it might sound oldfashioned, or silly.. but I love having a connection with people. I would think, that this connection woudl make it worth the wait.
I should clairify. I dont' mean save yourself until marriage. I meant, you two should not have sex the first night, or week.. get used to the person, have sex in the 5-6 month range or soemthing like that.
You will know when you are ready to go.
vinny_spiruccino
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Obvioulsy, I'm no virgin - hard to believe as it is - it's true.
BUT, I think of it in kind of a romantic way. So long as there are no social stigams attached to you if you choose NOT to do so, I see nothing wrong with keeping tradition. Remember many cultures practiced this as the norm for thousands of years. Human kind hasn't been reinvented, so if it worked for them I see no reason why it could not work now.
I guess it's kind of like waiting until Christmas morning to open the gift. I think that it could be quite rewarding to two virgins to share their respective first times with each other. There wouldn't be any foreknowledge of what was considered "good in bed", it would be the ultimate expression of their love for one another and would be something that was very intimate between the two of them. A bond so to speak that only the two of them had, and only with one another. Sweet.
BUT, I think of it in kind of a romantic way. So long as there are no social stigams attached to you if you choose NOT to do so, I see nothing wrong with keeping tradition. Remember many cultures practiced this as the norm for thousands of years. Human kind hasn't been reinvented, so if it worked for them I see no reason why it could not work now.
I guess it's kind of like waiting until Christmas morning to open the gift. I think that it could be quite rewarding to two virgins to share their respective first times with each other. There wouldn't be any foreknowledge of what was considered "good in bed", it would be the ultimate expression of their love for one another and would be something that was very intimate between the two of them. A bond so to speak that only the two of them had, and only with one another. Sweet.
ClaireTalon
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Okay, let's say a woman vows to save herself for a man whom she thinks is great. Now let's go on, and say she thinks she meets this guy, and has sex with him because she thinks he is THE ONE. And now let's go on some more, and say he has deceived her, and they separate. I guess then she has made a big mistake, in compliance with her vows, but has only had a shitload of bad luck. That's why I'd not save myself for someone who might possibly be out there.
ClaireTalon said:
Pure, wisdom, my dear! Life is not a rehearsal. "Saving yourself" is watching it pass you by!
vinny_spiruccino
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The way I see it, women and men that put the emphasis on the mental connection, rather than on the sexual part, would play that game.
If you both are really into each other, to the point of mental conjunction,in that case, you will be in a better position to wait. If that degree of mental conjunction is absent , in such a case it would be difficult to endure such hiatus.
In the former case, that conjunction can be used to break the impasse , once understood that it is only an arbitrary wall to fullfilment .
Play your cards nicely. If, after all this closeness, your woman is still not ready, then you would be compelled to find out if it is due to causes like the ones exposed by Mercurialbliss, it could be due to religious taboos. Think about the posibility of a life with a person that might hold an outlook on life foreign to yours.
Think about how foreign it could be, foreign as in ideologically foreign.
If you both are really into each other, to the point of mental conjunction,in that case, you will be in a better position to wait. If that degree of mental conjunction is absent , in such a case it would be difficult to endure such hiatus.
In the former case, that conjunction can be used to break the impasse , once understood that it is only an arbitrary wall to fullfilment .
Play your cards nicely. If, after all this closeness, your woman is still not ready, then you would be compelled to find out if it is due to causes like the ones exposed by Mercurialbliss, it could be due to religious taboos. Think about the posibility of a life with a person that might hold an outlook on life foreign to yours.
Think about how foreign it could be, foreign as in ideologically foreign.
Intersteing stuff as usual.
Given that there are 6,000,000,000 people in the world and say 3,000,000,000 of each sex, you are actually 200 times more likely to win the lottery than find "the one" - but then playing every week doesn't increase your chances - I still play it twice a week though - you never know.
Given that there are 6,000,000,000 people in the world and say 3,000,000,000 of each sex, you are actually 200 times more likely to win the lottery than find "the one" - but then playing every week doesn't increase your chances - I still play it twice a week though - you never know.
I might have given an incorrect impression in my last post on this thread.
I like having friends with whom I'm very sexual - but I don't want to jump into bed with yon random guy who only thinks of me as a hole to plug and then run from. Friends I can talk about books with, or watch a movie with, or just hang out and talk with are good. If we feel like playing naked Twister halfway through the night, so be it.
Sexy friends = good.
Hit and run = bad.
Everyone's mileage varies.
:smile:
I like having friends with whom I'm very sexual - but I don't want to jump into bed with yon random guy who only thinks of me as a hole to plug and then run from. Friends I can talk about books with, or watch a movie with, or just hang out and talk with are good. If we feel like playing naked Twister halfway through the night, so be it.
Sexy friends = good.
Hit and run = bad.
Everyone's mileage varies.
:smile:
