Savvy Senior Submission

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by windtalkerways, Apr 7, 2006.

  1. windtalkerways

    Gold Member

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    This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas. They hired him because he was so funny..

    NAME: George Martin

    SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one that will cooperate)

    DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, waterer's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

    DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

    EDUCATION: Yes.

    LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

    PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

    MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

    REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

    HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

    PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

    DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

    MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

    DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING
    UP TO 50lbs.?: Of what?

    DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be"Do
    you have a car that runs? "

    HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a
    winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.

    DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no, on my breaks - yes.

    WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

    NEAREST RELATIVE?: 7 miles

    DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
    KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.


    Funnyfunpages:wink:
     
  2. b.c.

    Gold Member

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    Looks like potential for a management position.
     
  3. MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

    MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK Well-Known Member

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    Potential for mangager my ass! Try CEO!
     
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