Saying no, meaning yes

[Dutchess]

Girls I need your opinion on this:

do you think it's ok to say 'no' or 'stop' to a guy in bed when you actually mean 'yes'?? I sometimes do this because my boyfriend then grabs me even harder, what I think is a lot of fun. But I can imagine that a man gets confused and doesn't stop when you really mean it... It's never got me into trouble yet, but what's your experience with it? And guys, are you ever confused when a girl says no, but doesn't mean it?

 

[D_alex8]

I realize why you may feel apprehensive, as this might border on notions of 'rape fantasy' within the minds of some people.

However... if both parties know that 'no' means 'treat me rougher', then there's no problem.. it's just a bit of sexual fun. So long as you make it clear to your sexual partner that this is the case (either in words or through the general context), then just go along with it and enjoy it .. it's rôle-play at most. :smile:

But... if both parties aren't clear on the meanings of 'no' and 'yes', that's where the problems will begin imho...

 

[nick22ca]

No means no...it's not like cutting out ambiguity is that hard.

 

[ClaireTalon]

Girls I need your opinion on this:

do you think it's ok to say 'no' or 'stop' to a guy in bed when you actually mean 'yes'?? I sometimes do this because my boyfriend then grabs me even harder, what I think is a lot of fun. But I can imagine that a man gets confused and doesn't stop when you really mean it... It's never got me into trouble yet, but what's your experience with it? And guys, are you ever confused when a girl says no, but doesn't mean it?

Baby, if he's assured enough, he certainly will know what your "no" means, so don't worry. With someone you don't know for long, or someone who has a more hesitant nature, better don't do it, he might get it wrong.

I don't do this too often, unless I'm in a teasing mood, and then it's a good way to make a guy horny. Say no, withdraw yourself, play hookey with him. Drive them nuts, honeys!!!

 

[windtalkerways]

I've never said no meaning yes but
personally I don't think it's a good
idea.

 

[Irvy]

In a serious relationship, there's a lot more room for this kind of thing. On a one night stand, however, no should immediately be taken as no.

It is the sort of thing that should really be discussed before. Whilst my partner and I will fairly often play a kind of "I'm not interested in sex" game to wind the other up, if we were having sex and he suddenly said no, I would assume I was hurting him or something and stop immediately. If we'd had a discussion beforehand, I'd know not to.

I would say though, in that situation, you should have an agreed upon different word that actually did mean no, that you could use if things got out of hand.

 

[Shelby]

When that happens I always make sure to call her back for the next couple of days or so so she doesn't think I'm using her for the piece of meat she is and accuse me of rape.

Some women don't much cotton to one night stands.

 

[ClaireTalon]

In a serious relationship, there's a lot more room for this kind of thing. On a one night stand, however, no should immediately be taken as no.

It is the sort of thing that should really be discussed before. Whilst my partner and I will fairly often play a kind of "I'm not interested in sex" game to wind the other up, if we were having sex and he suddenly said no, I would assume I was hurting him or something and stop immediately. If we'd had a discussion beforehand, I'd know not to.

I would say though, in that situation, you should have an agreed upon different word that actually did mean no, that you could use if things got out of hand.

Correcting what I said above, after some re-thinking: I think a "No" to a guy during a one-nighter can be okay, as long as you drop a hint that it means "Yes". Articulated playfully when you mean "Yes", and say it right-out and clear when you mean it as a "No."

 

[jeff black]

yah, girls are tricky that way...sometimes they say no, and mean no.. I guess the trick is to have a safe word.. maybe banana... not something you are gonna hear normally in a sexual experience.. UNLESS you are a FREAK

 

[11incher]

It is not worth the chance No means No or you may be on the recieving end for 10 + years yelling please no not again.

 

[Matthew]

I think with a pre-arranged agreement that it's a game, it's all good.

Otherwise, I think it's messed up.

 

[bigschlotsky]

Correcting what I said above, after some re-thinking: I think a "No" to a guy during a one-nighter can be okay, as long as you drop a hint that it means "Yes". Articulated playfully when you mean "Yes", and say it right-out and clear when you mean it as a "No."

I totally disagree. What women often don't get is that things they think are obvious "hints" sometimes go totally unnoticed or misinterpreted by men. I agree, if you're in a steady relationship and there's clear communication, there's no problem with saying no and meaning yes as long as you both understand what's going on. But unless you've come right out and talked about this issue with the guy, don't ever ask him to be a mindreader. That's how some sexual assaults begin, with a simple misunderstanding. Unless there's a clear understanding between 2 people, it's unrealistic to assume a guy will know which no means no and which no means yes.

Schlotsky

 

[Tenderhook]

Girls I need your opinion on this:

do you think it's ok to say 'no' or 'stop' to a guy in bed when you actually mean 'yes'?? I sometimes do this because my boyfriend then grabs me even harder, what I think is a lot of fun. But I can imagine that a man gets confused and doesn't stop when you really mean it... It's never got me into trouble yet, but what's your experience with it? And guys, are you ever confused when a girl says no, but doesn't mean it?

All I'm gonna say is make sure the guy knows when you're kidding and when you're not, for everybody's sake. I wish more women would. Mind games can be frustrating.

 

[naughty]

Dutchess,

Having been the victim of attempted acquaintance rape, you are playing a dangerous game. I spent an evening fighting off a man who I thought was my friend who ignored my no because he had been used to dealing with women who said no but meant yes.The man I was dating at the time thought it was amusing and laughed at me and mocked because he expected that it must have been some sex game we had been playing and I deserved it because he thought I was playing him.. Oh, yeah it was a game alright.....ask any woman who has been assaulted by a man almost twice her size. NO should mean no.

Naughty

 

[Lordpendragon]

"Wolf Wolf Wolf!"

They are changing the law in the UK. If a girl is so drunk that she cannot remember if she gave consent, this will no longer be a defense for the guy.

Don't screw drunk girls, let alone ones who are confused by yes and no.

 

[jdoe86]

No means no. Not maybe or okay, but I'm not too sure. The only time you can say no and mean yes is during role play and you have a safe word.

I do have a problem with a gray area. I have read a few news stories of a girl saying no while they are in the middle of sexual intercourse and didn't stop that very second. I read that the male teen was charged with rape and got a stiff prison sentence. I'm not saying that he didn't do anything wrong, but I think it was a little harsh to have him labled a sex offender for taking a minute and a half to stop.

Read story here: http://cbs2.com/topstories/topstoriesla_story_006191803.html
​

 

[GoneA]

I realize why you may feel apprehensive, as this might border on notions of 'rape fantasy' within the minds of some people.

However... if both parties know that 'no' means 'treat me rougher', then there's no problem.. it's just a bit of sexual fun. So long as you make it clear to your sexual partner that this is the case (either in words or through the general context), then just go along with it and enjoy it .. it's rôle-play at most. :smile:

But... if both parties aren't clear on the meanings of 'no' and 'yes', that's where the problems will begin imho...

that's why it's always good to have a safety word. Ours was, and i'm very serious: Al Gore. that certainly put an end to all things sexual.

 

[jeff black]

that's why it's always good to have a safety word. Ours was, and i'm very serious: Al Gore. that certainly put an end to all things sexual.

No GoneA.. I fully agree..Pick a ridiculous word.. It saves you alot of trouble and confusion...

 

[D_alex8]

No GoneA.. I fully agree..Pick a ridiculous word.. It saves you alot of trouble and confusion...

Yep, I'm with the both of you on this, there's no point having a commonplace phrase that could slip out by accident in the heat of the moment. For me, "Jerry Lewis" will put an end to anything.

 

[jeff black]

Yep, I'm with the both of you on this, there's no point having a commonplace phrase that could slip out by accident in the heat of the moment. For me, "Jerry Lewis" will put an end to anything.

See for me.. jerry lewis turns my crank