alex8 said:It was his 80th birthday today, in case you missed it :smile:
ClaireTalon said:Baby, if he's assured enough, he certainly will know what your "no" means, so don't worry. With someone you don't know for long, or someone who has a more hesitant nature, better don't do it, he might get it wrong.
I don't do this too often, unless I'm in a teasing mood, and then it's a good way to make a guy horny. Say no, withdraw yourself, play hookey with him. Drive them nuts, honeys!!!
Dutchess said:Girls I need your opinion on this:
do you think it's ok to say 'no' or 'stop' to a guy in bed when you actually mean 'yes'?? I sometimes do this because my boyfriend then grabs me even harder, what I think is a lot of fun. But I can imagine that a man gets confused and doesn't stop when you really mean it... It's never got me into trouble yet, but what's your experience with it? And guys, are you ever confused when a girl says no, but doesn't mean it?
bigschlotsky said:I know I've already spoken on this but this is a big issue. It's true that a guy with a boner isn't always the clearest thinking creature out there. But women play a part too because too few of them come right out and say what they mean. Many women get taught as girls to be manipulative rather than direct, and to drop hints rather than say what they mean. I'll say again, with regards to saying no when you mean yes, if you've specifically talked about this issue with the guy and laid out the groundrules, fine. But if not, and you still say no expecting the guy to be a mindreader, you're contributing to the prevalance or rape and sexual assault in the world. It's part your fault. I know that's harsh but you can't have it both ways. Either no means no or it doesn't.
Remember, whether dealing with sex or anything else in a relationship:
1. MEN ARE NOT MINDREADERS
2. MEN AND WOMEN'S BRAINS ARE DIFFERENT. WHAT'S A CLEAR CUE TO YOU MIGHT NOT BE TO A MAN.
Dutchess said:But I can imagine that a man gets confused and doesn't stop when you really mean it... It's never got me into trouble yet, but what's your experience with it? And guys, are you ever confused when a girl says no, but doesn't mean it?
madame_zora said:Yes, it is a big issue, big enough for me to chime in twice too. The part I highlighted in your post is key to me. Several of the women have posted about sex games that I assume are clearly discussed beforehand, and that's a different thing altogether. Anyone who has gone to the trouble to come up with a "safe word" is communicating in advance, and in that context I'd say anything goes between consenting adults.
My problem is with women who DON'T really have that conversation first. No, thinking about it in your head doesn't count! If your lover hasn't clearly heard from you IN PLAIN ENGLISH, NOT "GIRLSPEAK" what the parameters are, then you have no bitch if things get ugly, and I'd agree that you are responsible (actually more than the guy) for what happens to you as a result. Being equal means ACTING mature and taking responsibility for our own well being.
Many women really don't understand that most men have a threshhold at some point during sex that would make it extremely hard to stop immediately if their partner suddenly decided to change the rules of the game. Unleash a monster and you may very well be fucking one.
bigschlotsky said:I totally disagree. What women often don't get is that things they think are obvious "hints" sometimes go totally unnoticed or misinterpreted by men. I agree, if you're in a steady relationship and there's clear communication, there's no problem with saying no and meaning yes as long as you both understand what's going on. But unless you've come right out and talked about this issue with the guy, don't ever ask him to be a mindreader. That's how some sexual assaults begin, with a simple misunderstanding. Unless there's a clear understanding between 2 people, it's unrealistic to assume a guy will know which no means no and which no means yes.
Schlotsky
aloofman said:I completely agree. Quite a few women (OK, almost all of them) seem to think that guys want a woman to pretend not to be interested so he can chase her.