Saying no, meaning yes

hotnmpls2000@yahoo.com

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ClaireTalon said:
Baby, if he's assured enough, he certainly will know what your "no" means, so don't worry. With someone you don't know for long, or someone who has a more hesitant nature, better don't do it, he might get it wrong.

I don't do this too often, unless I'm in a teasing mood, and then it's a good way to make a guy horny. Say no, withdraw yourself, play hookey with him. Drive them nuts, honeys!!!

Spoken like a true woman.
 

ClaireTalon

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One such "code word" already exists, it doesn't have to be set up immediately: Stop! Halt it!

If someone who reads this ever has sex with me: No can mean yes or no, depending on the context, but STOP! always means this, it has no playful meaning and means just that, Stop, no further step or I'll shoot.

I guess for my earlier post, I've over-estimated the thinking capacity of an intercourse-preoccupied, testosterone-fuelled male brain ;-)
 

AlteredEgo

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Dutchess said:
Girls I need your opinion on this:

do you think it's ok to say 'no' or 'stop' to a guy in bed when you actually mean 'yes'?? I sometimes do this because my boyfriend then grabs me even harder, what I think is a lot of fun. But I can imagine that a man gets confused and doesn't stop when you really mean it... It's never got me into trouble yet, but what's your experience with it? And guys, are you ever confused when a girl says no, but doesn't mean it?

Communication is key. My first boyfriend and I did this from time to time. It was my fantasy. For some reason, hearing a girl whimper and say, "Noooo." made him get limp more often than not. But we established a safe word. And then we practiced using it. If I'd ever needed to use it, he'd know for sure I wanted him to stop. Since I know you talk to every new partner about contraception and disease control, you could bring this up with them as well at that time.
 

madame_zora

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This whole concept scares the holy crap out of me. For a lot of men, when the little head's in charge, he isn't capable of making clear decisions. I think any woman is taking one hell of a chance to leave her safety in the hands of a man with an erection who's prime directive is to satisfy his urge. A very dangerous game, one I'd need to know someone EXTREMELY WELL to play. I would also need to have seen them perform in other stress situations to get an idea how they'd react. I've never trusted ANYONE that much.

I'm the clearest speaking motherfucker I know, and I STILL have problems being understood by men, even when I say things as plain as "Do this, don't do that". You get into higher concepts and I just don't see how that could be a good idea. *shudders*

Reading the story Geo posted, it puts an unfair liability on a man to decipher her intentions while he's in the act of sex.
 

bigschlotsky

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I know I've already spoken on this but this is a big issue. It's true that a guy with a boner isn't always the clearest thinking creature out there. But women play a part too because too few of them come right out and say what they mean. Many women get taught as girls to be manipulative rather than direct, and to drop hints rather than say what they mean. I'll say again, with regards to saying no when you mean yes, if you've specifically talked about this issue with the guy and laid out the groundrules, fine. But if not, and you still say no expecting the guy to be a mindreader, you're contributing to the prevalance or rape and sexual assault in the world. It's part your fault. I know that's harsh but you can't have it both ways. Either no means no or it doesn't.
Remember, whether dealing with sex or anything else in a relationship:
1. MEN ARE NOT MINDREADERS
2. MEN AND WOMEN'S BRAINS ARE DIFFERENT. WHAT'S A CLEAR CUE TO YOU MIGHT NOT BE TO A MAN.
 

MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

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Between you & me, when a woman blurts out, "NO!", that's what it is. There are virtually countless ways to interpret/ express the word in the civilized world, but it all boils down to the same response/intention. You don't EVER count on it having a double meaning unless you know for definite otherwise.
 

madame_zora

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bigschlotsky said:
I know I've already spoken on this but this is a big issue. It's true that a guy with a boner isn't always the clearest thinking creature out there. But women play a part too because too few of them come right out and say what they mean. Many women get taught as girls to be manipulative rather than direct, and to drop hints rather than say what they mean. I'll say again, with regards to saying no when you mean yes, if you've specifically talked about this issue with the guy and laid out the groundrules, fine. But if not, and you still say no expecting the guy to be a mindreader, you're contributing to the prevalance or rape and sexual assault in the world. It's part your fault. I know that's harsh but you can't have it both ways. Either no means no or it doesn't.
Remember, whether dealing with sex or anything else in a relationship:
1. MEN ARE NOT MINDREADERS
2. MEN AND WOMEN'S BRAINS ARE DIFFERENT. WHAT'S A CLEAR CUE TO YOU MIGHT NOT BE TO A MAN.

Yes, it is a big issue, big enough for me to chime in twice too. The part I highlighted in your post is key to me. Several of the women have posted about sex games that I assume are clearly discussed beforehand, and that's a different thing altogether. Anyone who has gone to the trouble to come up with a "safe word" is communicating in advance, and in that context I'd say anything goes between consenting adults.

My problem is with women who DON'T really have that conversation first. No, thinking about it in your head doesn't count! If your lover hasn't clearly heard from you IN PLAIN ENGLISH, NOT "GIRLSPEAK" what the parameters are, then you have no bitch if things get ugly, and I'd agree that you are responsible (actually more than the guy) for what happens to you as a result. Being equal means ACTING mature and taking responsibility for our own well being.
Many women really don't understand that most men have a threshhold at some point during sex that would make it extremely hard to stop immediately if their partner suddenly decided to change the rules of the game. Unleash a monster and you may very well be fucking one.
 

cute5

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Dutchess said:
But I can imagine that a man gets confused and doesn't stop when you really mean it... It's never got me into trouble yet, but what's your experience with it? And guys, are you ever confused when a girl says no, but doesn't mean it?

Yes, it's confusing, and rude too. If a girl says no, I assume that she means 'no'. Don't play games unless you have both agreed to the rules earlier. In that case you should have a word that really does mean no.
 

Shelby

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madame_zora said:
Yes, it is a big issue, big enough for me to chime in twice too. The part I highlighted in your post is key to me. Several of the women have posted about sex games that I assume are clearly discussed beforehand, and that's a different thing altogether. Anyone who has gone to the trouble to come up with a "safe word" is communicating in advance, and in that context I'd say anything goes between consenting adults.

My problem is with women who DON'T really have that conversation first. No, thinking about it in your head doesn't count! If your lover hasn't clearly heard from you IN PLAIN ENGLISH, NOT "GIRLSPEAK" what the parameters are, then you have no bitch if things get ugly, and I'd agree that you are responsible (actually more than the guy) for what happens to you as a result. Being equal means ACTING mature and taking responsibility for our own well being.
Many women really don't understand that most men have a threshhold at some point during sex that would make it extremely hard to stop immediately if their partner suddenly decided to change the rules of the game. Unleash a monster and you may very well be fucking one.

Lucid truth. Listen close kids.
 

BobLeeSwagger

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bigschlotsky said:
I totally disagree. What women often don't get is that things they think are obvious "hints" sometimes go totally unnoticed or misinterpreted by men. I agree, if you're in a steady relationship and there's clear communication, there's no problem with saying no and meaning yes as long as you both understand what's going on. But unless you've come right out and talked about this issue with the guy, don't ever ask him to be a mindreader. That's how some sexual assaults begin, with a simple misunderstanding. Unless there's a clear understanding between 2 people, it's unrealistic to assume a guy will know which no means no and which no means yes.

Schlotsky

I completely agree. Quite a few women (OK, almost all of them) seem to think that guys want a woman to pretend not to be interested so he can chase her. Not me. When I don't get any sign of interest from a woman, I move on and don't look back. I'm sure I've passed up about a hundred nights of sex because of this, but it is just not worth getting involved with a gameplayer and driving yourself crazy, not to mention assaulting someone.
 

bigschlotsky

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aloofman said:
I completely agree. Quite a few women (OK, almost all of them) seem to think that guys want a woman to pretend not to be interested so he can chase her.

I don't think it's about women thinking men like it. I think it's about women who like being chased because it makes them feel wanted. And some women still hold on to that antiquated notion that a woman who doesn't "put up a fight" is a slut. I agree with you, I don't bother with women with those kinds of hangups. If I sense a girl is playing those kinds of games, I'll talk to her about it. If she's so used to the games that she can't stop I'm outta there.

Schlotsky

PS I got tired of the musclebound fellow so I put up my alter ego Beavis in my avatar. One 'o these days I'll get a digital camera and put up a photo of my real bitchin' bod LOL.