This sounds lame..but I'm 21 and still a virgin, because I'm scared to have sex for the first time. Worried about being inadequate in bed, size issues, etc. I know it's all in my head and I'm sure the flood gate will open widely as soon as I have it for the first time, I just don't know how to get over the mental hump and just do it. Advice?
its not a spaceshuttle launch its sex insert male part a into female slot b, repeat....just get her drunk first so if its good or bad she wont remember and you'll still get to "practice"
BlackGirl
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Try to get into an actual relationship with a girl that you intend to lose your virginity to, that way she will at least be emotionally into you to the point where it doesn't matter if you are good or bad in bed, she will be so in love with you it will feel good regardless. Emotional feelings are just as important as the physical.
Just relax and let it happen naturally. Sex is an instinct, don't fuck with your head, fuck with your cock. As blunt as this is, that's how I over came my pussy fucking fears. I was 20. Watching porn made me feel inadequate size wise as well, since I did not have a hard on that hung like a porn star. I bend downward rather than up toward my belly button. felt like a lefty in a right hand world.
Oh another thing, use a damn condom! If you're that nervous you don't want to cum after the first few seconds, let me tell you heaven can be short lived. At least you won't feel like shit after, fear of your little boys finding their target, you know what I mean. Good luck and good fuck.
Normally, nervousness makes it difficult to cum and not the other way around. For anyone who's been used to stroking their cocks with their own hands, a cock inside a pussy is a completely different feeling. It was difficult for me to cum the first time I had sex - simply because it was something new. But of course, I suppose for others it could work the other way round.
Also, cumming early is no big deal. You can take a break and get it back up again - and try again. Really, you shouldn't even be worried about these things. Just enjoy the sex.
EdWoody
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Your age is irrelevant. I have a friend who's the same age as me - 36 - and still a virgin. So don't feel embarrassed to be a virgin at 21. Every person should do it when they feel comfortable doing it, not because of some ridiculous and random social pressure.
Horrible, heinous, appalling advice. Do NOT do this, smithbigjohn.
Don't do this either. Porn will give you false assumptions about what real sex between two real people is actually like. Porn is a fantasy, not real life, starring people who are hired precisely because they're sexual athletes (in theory).Try to watch porn, you can learn alot
THIS. This is the correct way to go about it.
I also can't help but notice that this advice comes from a woman, and the advice I disagreed with came from men. Doesn't that tell you the different mindsets right there? Do you really want to be the kind of person that gets a girl drunk just so he can fuck her and doesn't even care if she remembers it or not? I have to hope not.
Perhaps this here is the key to helping your fears: stop worrying about yourself, and worry about her. By which I don't mean, "Oh God, what if she thinks I'm no good at it, what if she thinks my dick's too small, blah blah blah." I mean, "What can I do to make her feel good here?" Take the focus off yourself and put it on her pleasure, her responses, her enjoyment of the encounter. That will help you ignore your own nerves.
This also. Always and every time until you are in a committed long-term relationship.
.
Could not agree more!
Do not let be pressured.
I was a "late bloomer" myself, and retrospectively, I wish that I had waited for the late person a bit longer
Take it easy.
Agree with all of the above. If you're not in a relationship, it sounds shallow but meeting a girl at a party would be a lot easier, although I lost my virginity (along with my gf's) in a relationship. It was great being able to say if there's a problem or what feels good and what doesn't, you might not get that from a one night stand.
Oh and the condom is too fucking important. That must be your number one priority!
Don't sweat it either way dude, just do whats natural. I find that if you just go with it you'll have the most fun. I know i was really nervous about getting it in right and whether to go slow or fast or hard or whatever the few hours before, but when we actually did have sex it was amazing and felt so natural. It is all in your head...
Oh and the condom is too fucking important. That must be your number one priority!
Don't sweat it either way dude, just do whats natural. I find that if you just go with it you'll have the most fun. I know i was really nervous about getting it in right and whether to go slow or fast or hard or whatever the few hours before, but when we actually did have sex it was amazing and felt so natural. It is all in your head...
molotovmuffin
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I forgot to ask OP: the girl you are expecting/planing to have sex with, is she experienced or not?
Btw, if I could get "three wishes", one of those I would surely spend on the "First Sex Redo": with the girl equally innocent as myself at that moment...
Btw, if I could get "three wishes", one of those I would surely spend on the "First Sex Redo": with the girl equally innocent as myself at that moment...
A few tips to hold back your orgasm when fucking.
1. use a condom
2. drink alcohol, but not too much.
3. have an orgasm before having sex (jack off, let her jack you off, bj, whatever) You can take a 'bathroom break' if you think that would be the best solution.
4. practice now by jacking off, and holding your orgasm. Don't do those last strokes.
5. have sex with an ugly girl
Or...
Have sex with someone you don't care about. One of the main reasons for cumming prematurely is stress and anxiety, which you are going to have when you are with a girl you want to show a great time.
But the best thing according to me is, tell the girl just before it's about to happen. I mean at the point (you are naked and) you are sure it is going to happen. Tell her you are a virgin. Apparently girls like taking someones virginity, and since they know you are a virgin, they are going to be very understanding and take charge. This way it's going to be a piece of cake. You don't have to worry about what to do, she will tell you. And mistakes will be forgiven.
When I lost my virginity, the girl I was with thought I was experienced, I never corrected her. Of course it was a fiasco. I told the second girl I was with I had only done it two times. She probably suspected it was going to be very bad. And it wasn't the best she ever had, but apparently not the worst either. She gave me confidence and told me I was a fast learner. We did it a lot the next couple of weeks, and although she wasn't my first, I consider her my real first.
1. use a condom
2. drink alcohol, but not too much.
3. have an orgasm before having sex (jack off, let her jack you off, bj, whatever) You can take a 'bathroom break' if you think that would be the best solution.
4. practice now by jacking off, and holding your orgasm. Don't do those last strokes.
5. have sex with an ugly girl
Or...
Have sex with someone you don't care about. One of the main reasons for cumming prematurely is stress and anxiety, which you are going to have when you are with a girl you want to show a great time.
But the best thing according to me is, tell the girl just before it's about to happen. I mean at the point (you are naked and) you are sure it is going to happen. Tell her you are a virgin. Apparently girls like taking someones virginity, and since they know you are a virgin, they are going to be very understanding and take charge. This way it's going to be a piece of cake. You don't have to worry about what to do, she will tell you. And mistakes will be forgiven.
When I lost my virginity, the girl I was with thought I was experienced, I never corrected her. Of course it was a fiasco. I told the second girl I was with I had only done it two times. She probably suspected it was going to be very bad. And it wasn't the best she ever had, but apparently not the worst either. She gave me confidence and told me I was a fast learner. We did it a lot the next couple of weeks, and although she wasn't my first, I consider her my real first.
What she says about 'it doesn't matter you are good or bad...' may be true for the girl. But I'm a man, and also a late bloomer and I know it is important to the man that you are good, even the first time.
My advice is to get to it with someone you don't care about. You won't be as nervous, and if she didn't like it, that's too bad for her, but nothing you can do about it after... And you won't feel as bad if it was a fiasco.
The most advice in this thread is advice on the way it should be. And it is not advice for reality.
If you are a late bloomer, your biggest worry is that you are so far behind on skills compared to the other guys that dated the girl you are going to have sex with.
First of all, sex is natural, monkeys can do it, so can you. Like Frnkd said: "fuck with your cock, not with your brain"
Second of all: get drunk, and do it with a drunk girl. I am not saying 'i forgot what I did' drunk. But 'I don't care if I make an ass out of myself' drunk. Get her to drink something too, it will make you feel less self-conscious.
Also, if you get a girl that's also unexperienced, you will feel better about what you do, or when you screw up. The problem here is probably that most 21 year old girls are either ugly, or experienced, but that's your call.
Don't listen to the 'get into a relationship with someone you care about' crap. It will only make you nervous.
But in reality you will probably not be able to plan everything out. My best advice is: Do it when you have the chance to.
One of my biggest regrets is I didn't take the first chance I had to lose my virginity with a girl (a hot one btw) when I was 16. After that there were still a lot of opportunities but I didn't take any of them. In the end lost my virginity at age 20 (almost 21).
If you are a late bloomer, your biggest worry is that you are so far behind on skills compared to the other guys that dated the girl you are going to have sex with.
First of all, sex is natural, monkeys can do it, so can you. Like Frnkd said: "fuck with your cock, not with your brain"
Second of all: get drunk, and do it with a drunk girl. I am not saying 'i forgot what I did' drunk. But 'I don't care if I make an ass out of myself' drunk. Get her to drink something too, it will make you feel less self-conscious.
Also, if you get a girl that's also unexperienced, you will feel better about what you do, or when you screw up. The problem here is probably that most 21 year old girls are either ugly, or experienced, but that's your call.
Don't listen to the 'get into a relationship with someone you care about' crap. It will only make you nervous.
But in reality you will probably not be able to plan everything out. My best advice is: Do it when you have the chance to.
One of my biggest regrets is I didn't take the first chance I had to lose my virginity with a girl (a hot one btw) when I was 16. After that there were still a lot of opportunities but I didn't take any of them. In the end lost my virginity at age 20 (almost 21).
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BlackGirl
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I think his first time should be special, so that he can always cherish the experience. The OP sounds like a sentimental guy who is looking out for the feelings of the lucky girl who will get him which is why I suggested a relationship. Look, I had a boyfriend who I was emotionally into and it made the sex so good, but then he started drinking heavily and smoking which are turn-offs to me and the sex went from being some of the best in the world to being more of a chore just to even do it with him. His dick didn't change and his lovemaking method didn't change either, but because I had emotionally left the relationship, the physical aspect could not make up for it.
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