Scared for sex for the 1st time

D_Harry_Pitz

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I think his first time should be special, so that he can always cherish the experience. The OP sounds like a sentimental guy who is looking out for the feelings of the lucky girl who will get him which is why I suggested a relationship. Look, I had a boyfriend who I was emotionally into and it made the sex so good, but then he started drinking heavily and smoking which are turn-offs to me and the sex went from being some of the best in the world to being more of a chore just to even do it with him. His dick didn't change and his lovemaking method didn't change either, but because I had emotionally left the relationship, the physical aspect could not make up for it.

Yes, I totally understand what you are saying. But for men it works different than for women. And I'm not saying I'm right and you are wrong.
The question is, what advice is more useful to op.
 

ericbythebay

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If you are worried about your size, post some pics. The people here can give you an honest assessment.

If you are having sex with people your own age, I wouldn't worry, they are all inexperienced. If your after a cougar, I'm sure she would be glad to teach you what to do.

Sex is supposed to be relaxing and fun, enjoy yourself.

And always use a condom, it's easier to relax when you don't have to worry about getting a STI.
 

MH07

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My best advice: when the time is right, it will just happen, and don't worry, you'll know what to do---it's built-in info. Your brain, tongue, and dick will shift into autopilot. In fact, it's almost like you're outside of yourself watching yourself do that, if that makes any sense. "Wow, I had no idea I knew how to do that!"

Advanced techniques come later....


Oh, and don't worry about porn---it's staged, it's not real, and nobody looks or acts like that. For enjoyment---you betcha. For reality? Don't try it. Actually, reality's better....
 
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B_enzia35

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You want to hear about my first time? Trust me, no you don't. Just go with the flow, if it happens, it happens.
 

LADave

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I think his first time should be special, so that he can always cherish the experience. The OP sounds like a sentimental guy who is looking out for the feelings of the lucky girl who will get him which is why I suggested a relationship. Look, I had a boyfriend who I was emotionally into and it made the sex so good, but then he started drinking heavily and smoking which are turn-offs to me and the sex went from being some of the best in the world to being more of a chore just to even do it with him. His dick didn't change and his lovemaking method didn't change either, but because I had emotionally left the relationship, the physical aspect could not make up for it.
Oh puhleeze! That is so much a woman's point of view and not a man's...in most cases anyway. You ladies should remember, for guys sex is something fun that feels good. That's why we can do it with blowup dolls, banana peels, watermelons, alone, in a group, anywhere and anyplace. It doesn't have to be the least bit emotional for us. It can and that's a good thing too but not a necesssity when having sex. I've had some great times sexually with people whose name I didn't even know.
 
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Damn, I didn't expect this thread to blow up so much but I appreciate all of the advice, even if it is rather conflicting haha.

I can't tell the girl the truth about being a virgin, I go to college and have a reputation (as lame as that sounds) and am not trying to ruin that. A lot of the reason I waited was because I did want to wait for "the one," and I haven't really had a serious relationship yet but rather have been enjoying the single life, with the exception of sex (but everything leading up to it has been fair game). A lot of it is social pressure, which blows, but it's real and it's there. As much as I want to wait until I'm in a serious relationship with someone, part of me just wants to "practice" on other girls that don't mean as much. Is that wrong?

There is a religious aspect as well, but lately I've been so conflicted with stupid outside influences that I guess I am reconsidering that notion. I guess I'm just really confused ha :(
 

B_enzia35

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Tell her you're a virgin. Who cares? And get as much practice as you can. That's what college is for.
 

BlackGirl

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Tell her you're a virgin. Who cares? And get as much practice as you can. That's what college is for.

Then she will probably go blabbing it to the entire campus. I think taking someone's virginity is enough to give anyone a HUGE ego boost, so she may want to share it with the whole campus, something the OP probably does not want. :biggrin1:
 

matelalique

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Good size - nothing to be embarrassed about. Go and sow your wild oats (into a plastic bag) young sir. And use your judgment on the virgin thing - the advice about some girls finding it cool is valid, but it sounds like you need the right girl to keep it under wraps.

Have fun.
 
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Trott.lint

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^ If this is for real OP - 5 years later - and its related to your size, then your kind is your enemy. I'm smaller than you, based on your picture, and yet u didn't have a complex with women. They might have been thinking I was small, but because I was so cocky, it was never an issue, and I was the one to end most of my early relationships. The only time my size got to me was with my current gf - when she to,d me sex had been better with her bigger ex because of his size alone - it threw me into a spiral of insecurity. I now clearly see how the whole issue is a psychological one. You have to change your mindset, and if you can't feel confident, then become an actor. It'll all work out, but YOU have to believe it will.
 

bluebassett

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Gasp, snort,.. Nice unit, smithbigjohn. Not really sure what that hang-up is, but you've certainly got nothing lacking in your pants.

As for women... Do you want to have sex with a woman? Looks like you've been around LPSG since you were 14, maybe soaked up too much porn and the like??? If you want o have sex find someone you like and get busy. I've had the same woman for 9 years (anniversary a few days ago) and we still have great sex... just did this morning... and yesterday morning.. Fun times!

Still not sure what the "struggle" is?
 

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^ If this is for real OP - 5 years later - and its related to your size, then your kind is your enemy. I'm smaller than you, based on your picture, and yet u didn't have a complex with women. They might have been thinking I was small, but because I was so cocky, it was never an issue, and I was the one to end most of my early relationships. The only time my size got to me was with my current gf - when she to,d me sex had been better with her bigger ex because of his size alone - it threw me into a spiral of insecurity. I now clearly see how the whole issue is a psychological one. You have to change your mindset, and if you can't feel confident, then become an actor. It'll all work out, but YOU have to believe it wiDall.

Damn dude. I don't know if I'd even been able to stay with a girl after being told something like that. That would seriously fuck me up, and is one of my worst fears, to tell you the truth. I mean I'd be thinking that if every time we had sex was not as good as what she used to have, then what am I even doing there? I realize that there are other more significant parts of a relationship and that it is reasonable to assume that she probably has had better sex than me, but the last thing I'd want is to know about it. There are some things you just do not say to a guy, you know? How did you deal with your insecurity? If it was me, I'd be questioning every reaction every time we had sex and most likely not enjoy it anymore because of the anxiety.
 

Trott.lint

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Damn dude. I don't know if I'd even been able to stay with a girl after being told something like that. That would seriously fuck me up, and is one of my worst fears, to tell you the truth. I mean I'd be thinking that if every time we had sex was not as good as what she used to have, then what am I even doing there? I realize that there are other more significant parts of a relationship and that it is reasonable to assume that she probably has had better sex than me, but the last thing I'd want is to know about it. There are some things you just do not say to a guy, you know? How did you deal with your insecurity? If it was me, I'd be questioning every reaction every time we had sex and most likely not enjoy it anymore because of the anxiety.

Haha, well it's a long story, but in a nutshell: I knew her ex, we played soccer together & he was well known for being huge. But 20 years ago, because there was no internet & because I'd had success with previous gfs despite my small size, I assumed women orgasmed like men (one type of traditional orgasm) & because my gf is highly orgasmic, my size never worried me.

But over 20 years, several things have added up = she said she couldn't feel me when we first had sex but blamed herself as she got very wet; she said she was glad I was small because at least I didn't hurt her like her ex; & she once said: 'Please thrust hard & deep as I get vaginal orgasms from cul de sac contact'. I can't reach her cervix, let alone her cul de sac, so I realised she was talking about him. I joked about her ex's size, so she assumed I was completely secure with my size - which I was in the beginning.

I work with a SQ who told me 2 or so years ago that 'Many women lie about size not mattering because they don't want to hurt guy's feelings, but a large penis can give different orgasms & feels better if used well.' That was the point I started to worry - I searched the net, saw that that there's some truth to what the SQ said & my nagging insecurity got the better of me: I asked my gf whether this was true: she said yes; I stupidly, out of morbid curiosity and because not knowing was giving me a permanent knot in my stomach, asked her why. She said: more fullness, stretching, friction, contact with the cul de sac & much harder more intense orgasms, but then quickly said: 'But I'm in love with you so the emotional side of sex makes up for your size.'

That crushed me - even though I'd asked for the details! She backed off massively after that, trying to take back what she said, but I was fucked with insecurity & ultimately that led me to this site (ironically), which has helped me massively. I didn't want to go the SPH route, no disrespect, but I want to have confidence in what my cock can do rather than celebrate what it CAN'T do.

It's a work in progress!
 

Trott.lint

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By SQ, I am assuming you mean 'size queen', but what is SPH?

SPH=Small penis humiliation, which is what some guys with small cocks fetishise in order to accept & celebrate their size (I hope that's the correct definition). It means they get a sexual kick out of others mocking or pointing out that they have small cocks. Nothing horrifies me more, to be honest, so I do have a grudging respect for guys who can do that.

And yeah SQ is size queen.
 

SWIM21

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SPH=Small penis humiliation, which is what some guys with small cocks fetishise in order to accept & celebrate their size (I hope that's the correct definition). It means they get a sexual kick out of others mocking or pointing out that they have small cocks. Nothing horrifies me more, to be honest, so I do have a grudging respect for guys who can do that.

And yeah SQ is size queen.

That's what I figured, and I'm like you - that sounds like my worst nightmare. I'm around the same size as the OP's pic, but watching porn for so many years and hearing things from girls here and there has fucked up my confidence a lot. The main problem for me, though, is that I like girls with really big asses and that can be tricky, especially in doggy position. Plus, and I know this sounds racist, but it's just the way it is - a lot of girls with really big asses have fucked black guys, and I just can't compete with that.
 
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Trott.lint

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^ Yep, funny you mention that - my gf has a big ass, she's beautifully curvy but my cock doesn't seem to get much depth. But one thing I'll say to ease your fears is this: women aren't all thinking that because you're not giving them the same sensations as a hung ex that you're bad in bed, or less manly or virile.

Some might be disappointed but most will never say, so there's no point torturing yourself. I think of it like this: I'd much prefer a tight pussy, I get much more intense orgasms from them, and those orgasms left me far more satisfied than the ones I have with my current gf, who I often struggle to feel. But would I trade my gf in for any other woman with a tight pussy? Never! In fact, once I'd accepted that I wasn't going to get those thrilling, intense orgasms with her, it didn't bother me at all.

I reckon the vast majority of women - if they like you even just a bit - will make the same allowances.