Scared to approach a woman!

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_Dagleishe Deadlyfarte, Jan 11, 2010.

  1. D_Dagleishe Deadlyfarte

    D_Dagleishe Deadlyfarte Account Disabled

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    Ok fellaz and galls, I need some serious advice!

    When I was young, I was extremely confident and charismatic around everybody, but I was especially flirtatious with women.

    Then some shit happen, and then I got older, and now I'm a recluse that has an outgoing personality but I can't get the nerve to talk to a random good looking chick!

    At work I can do it because I have to greet every customer, but once I clock out from work, it's like my mind goes back to recluse mode. I try to explain to my friends, family, and even some close co-workers (yeah I know, mixing work and personal life can be dangerous) that I'm wild, crazy, outgoing, and the life of the party.... but when it comes to breaking the ice, I JUST CAN'T DO IT! :frown1:

    I'm 24, only had 2 girlfriends in my lifetime, and if I don't get some help with this, I'm gonna scream! I REFUSE, HEAR ME, REFUSE to be that one neighbor with a house full of cats and dogs to keep me company! :rolleyes:

    Any advice? Any suggestions?
     
  2. KTF40

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    Try craigslist or some other form of online dating. I've never approached a woman in my entire life yet still managed to find some girls that would have sex with me thanks to the internets. Approaching women isn't for everyone so don't beat yourself up if you can't do it.
     
  3. D_Dagleishe Deadlyfarte

    D_Dagleishe Deadlyfarte Account Disabled

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    Not sure if i'm comfortable with Craigslist. I've heard too many horror stories. Lol.
     
  4. rob_just_rob

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    Speed dating is great practice for talking with women. You have 3-5 minutes to talk with her, find out about her and tell her about you.

    When I was doing that, they were always looking for additional men.
     
  5. Mrmaxwell

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    No, do not do online dating. It won't help. Take a trip out of town or go to place in your city where you probably will never go and just bite the bullet and walk up to a female and start a conversion. Don't plan on what to say, just practice at thinking of things to say (questions, complements, ect). I say go out of town and such, because if you mess up, you probably won't see those females again hopefully. Secondly, stop giving a fuck and chill. I say the latter because you have to approach women with a cool, I don't care what you think of me...yet I'm attracted to you attitude. Get it?
     
  6. houtx48

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    are you a cat person or a dog person? pick one and go with it.
     
  7. helgaleena

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    Try letting your eyes do the talking. Once you have exchanged a lot of looks with a girl, you will have assurance that she is truly receptive to your coming over and it's very likely that she will say the first words, not you.

    If you use your social skills and your appearance a lot for your work, you know you look decent to begin with. It's not like you are some troglodyte crawling out of your cave to find another cave person. It's easier.
     
  8. Wish-4-8

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    Go into charater, so to speak. Be yourself, "larger than life". Kinda like you do at work. It is a "fake it til you make it" approach, but at least it gets you in.

    You already have the skills to do this. You just have to redirect them to your own personal life. And learn that rejection is all part to the game. In other words, just do it. And you will get better at it. And the first is always the hardest. And if you fail, consider that a victory because at least you got out there and took the first step. You only really fail if you dont learn anything from that.

    In 5 years, you will be giving advice to some guy in your situation and basically say the same thing. But you will say, "The first time I got out there, man, I bombed. LOL. But here is what I learned from that to help me get the next girl..."
     
  9. RsideNole

    RsideNole New Member

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    This is exactly the regimen that helped me lose my wallflower status in social situations. Along the way I have stuttered, forgot what I wanted to say and spoke gibberish. We all survived and even laughed at my awkwardness.

    One guy sensed I was nervous and kissed me to help me relax. If I hadn't tried to talk to him, I probably wouldn't have had a conversation with him that led to dating for more than one year.
     
  10. D_Dagleishe Deadlyfarte

    D_Dagleishe Deadlyfarte Account Disabled

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    Wow! This is some really great advice. I like MrMaxwell's out of town approach. That seems like fun. I hate that "fake it til you make it" approach because it doesn't seem geniune, but in this case, it may be my only option to get back in the game. Idk, somedays I think I do it and others not so much... but you gotta try, right?
     
  11. D_Petherick_Poundlouder

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    I'm almost a picture perfect carbon copy of this description. But I'm younger. So I have more time to fuck up and learn from it. :tongue:
     
  12. eyescream

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    First, there's nothing wrong with having pets, lol! But yeah, try meeting people online and meeting up with them for coffee. Or try meeting strangers in more decent places like the library or social groups. At least you'll have something to talk about, you'll have a better ice breaker.
     
  13. Wish-4-8

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    If you dont like the phrase, "fake it", then just take on a persona of who you would like to be when you do it. Its still you, but its the confident you. I dont mean to literary fake it and be something you are not. Its just a tool to get you in that mode of thinking. Just like at your job. You go into that sales mode and you are "on", invincible. The same applies here except your product is you.

    One of the biggest turn off for women is lack of confidence. Do you know why some like a-holes? Because they are full of confidence, and that is attractive.
     
  14. Sammy_Day

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  15. Incocknito

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    Get really drunk. Make eye contact. It always works for me.

    Let them come to you. If you see the same girl multiple times and she always smiles at you then next time you get drunk, go talk to her!

    That's a definite adult situation right there :cool:
     
  16. hud01

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    Go to New Orleans :biggrin1::biggrin1:, plenty of drunk women in a party mood...Short plane trip for you.
     
  17. D_Dagleishe Deadlyfarte

    D_Dagleishe Deadlyfarte Account Disabled

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    So how do I go about dealing with the internal conflict? I have friends that are always "ON" when it comes to new settings and people. I'm the quiet person initially and then once I feel comfortable, then I'll chime in.

    Is that a bad trait? Ladies seem to like the loud mouth ass holes and I'm not like that.
     
  18. Epicfailguy

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    y'know

    i've learned that ALOT of men are just as insecure as women
    take notice that nobody is perfect,not even that goodlooking girl
    just give a naughty smile or an intense look and from the one thing will come the other
    70% of all seduction comes from body language

    and so what if you get dumped,dude you are one of the lucky few that belongs to the elite level of male society(well,your not 8x8 but you know what i mean :p)

    just take a chance,to gain something you have to sacrifice something
    so get cracking
     
  19. sexplease

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    ok scream.
    I'll wait.


    That make you feel better? Did it help?

    Why do you feel you have to scream over not having a relationship?
    Nothing really wrong with being single.
    Embrace your solitude.
    When you are at peace being alone you will begin to understand what you have to offer Then find your way to shape your life into what you desire.

    Courage is not overcoming fear, just learning there is something more important than fear.
     
  20. Pitbull

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    Well, Grandpa...

    Care to tell what shit?

    *************************************************
    Advice Stuff

    1.) Have you considered finding a male friend that is somewhat outgoing and go somewhere that you both could meet some women.
    Let him start the conversation and then you join in. (Works best in a 2 on 2 situation)

    2.) Get involved in something where you will meet people and be forced to interact. The suggestion is always if you have a hobby - join a club.
    But there are other avenues

    3.)Take a class.
    Not quantum physics where everyone is uptight.
    Something low key
    Painting
    Dance Lessons
    Try Cake Decorating - there are likely to be mostly women and there will probably be projects you have to work with a partner or group.
    Sit next to the hot chick that doesn't have a ring on her finger.
    If you do this - watch some "Ace of Cakes" episodes on FoodNetwork (Foodnetwork.com) because he is a cool dude that decorates cakes.
    Then tell everyone he is your inspiration.

    4.) Political Causes

    5.) Charity events - Breast Cancer Walk has lots of people and lots of women. Don't just walk! Help with planning etc


     
    #20 Pitbull, Jan 13, 2010
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2010
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