another thread got me thinking about something. I didnt come out to the public till I was already on my own. Reaon being is when I was younger a boy in my neighborhood was gay, no if's and s'or buts about it. Well it turns out he was caught giving a blowjob to another boy and was caught by his older brothers. They beat him for about 2 weeks and got worse. one night they were drunk and got tired of giving him rope burns. they took him into the woods tied him to a tree doused him with gasoline and threw a match. he was burned pretty good, (still alive) but major scars. and his brothers are still in prison for another 6 years. my quesion is were you comfortable and safe when you came out or????
I think that we all come out in a time and place that feels best for us. We start with those we feel we can trust and are safe with and go from there. I can say as someone who once feared the process, the rewards have been far greater than I could have ever imagined.
I'd have to agree with Lex on this one, I came out gradually to those I felt I could trust. For the most part I am open with my family and my friends. Some of the people I work with do but not all, unfortunately being out in my prof. isn't always an option. In the end you need to do what feels comfortable for you.
As a straight man, all I can do is feel embarassed for the segment of the straight population that makes this so difficult for you. I hope that you all find enough good people (gay and straight) to stand shoulder to shoulder with you and make coming out the enjoyable process that it should be.
I'm only partially out ("out on a need-to-know basis," I say) for that very reason. I've been telling more and more people who I feel safe telling, and with each one I tell, it builds my confidence to tell the next. But then, when I'm walking down the street and I hear a thug call a passerby an "*expletive* faggot," my heart sinks and some of that confidence wanes. How can people still have those attitudes?
As a gay man, I came out only when I ready psychologically and emotionally ready that was in my college years. (Since our society is generally homophobic, fear of physical harm is a major factor in determining when a person is ready to come out.) Each GLBT person is different, approaches coming out differently, and has varying degrees of comfort. I know GLBT people who have come out in their teen years, in college, as established professionals, and when their children are grown. The common factor among many of these coming out experiences is comfort to come out not only internally, but externally as well. I am sure knowing what happened to the neighbor boy impacted your coming out decision/process. That's why it is very important for all of us to combat homophobia whenever we encounter it.
My brother came out when he was 17... I was 8 at the time. I've had homosexuals in my life so much since then, that I don't even think anything of it. But I can completely understand your fears. It makes me sad to know that there are people out there that still have a thing against homosexuals (or people of different races, religions, etc....).
Thanks. I have learned that your real friends don't give a shit about anything except your personal happiness. If they reject you once you tell them, they were never your friends.
While what happened to your neighbor is both extreme and rare, in a Brokeback Mountain kind-of-way you certainly have reason to be fearful. You saw at least one disasterous result. But if you read other coming out stories (Lex has a fine and continuing one here) you will see other versions and have some ideas about other, much more positive outcomes.
