steve319
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You probably don't need to feel any worse about this, but jonb is right: what you did easily qualifies as sexual harrassment/assault. Yes, it does sound like you've been getting mixed signals from him for awhile, but making a move like that without his knowledge or consent is really wrong. I get the picture that you know that better than any of us could.
You also know that he could be feeling very violated and betrayed, regardless of what kinds of low-key play you've indulged in before. On top of all that, he could also be sorting through his own complicated feelings of guilt, attraction, confusion, whatever. You can't really know all that he's experiencing without talking to him (and he may not be willing or able to share even then). You'll have to put aside any wishful thinking and take him at his word based on what he is willing or able to say.
Apologize, man. First and completely and without hesitation. That's key. But also be honest about where you're coming from and what you're thinking. And if you know that you can genuinely have a friendship with this guy with no sexual component and no more "moves" on your part, then tell him that too (but only if you mean it). If he can't forgive you or can't move past his own feelings/fears/whatever, then you'll have to be OK with that.
It's interesting to me (and a relief) to hear that so many guys here have been in similar situations. I've told the story elsewhere and won't repeat it here, but I, too, have been on the receiving end of this sort of thing with results both unexpected in my response and sad in the final outcome. But I think we can tell from the variety of endings that have been shared so far that, at this point, pretty much anything can happen. Here's hoping it's a good one for you both.
I know the rest of us are wishing you all the best of luck in finding a postive resolution to this fix. Let us know how it goes, man.
You also know that he could be feeling very violated and betrayed, regardless of what kinds of low-key play you've indulged in before. On top of all that, he could also be sorting through his own complicated feelings of guilt, attraction, confusion, whatever. You can't really know all that he's experiencing without talking to him (and he may not be willing or able to share even then). You'll have to put aside any wishful thinking and take him at his word based on what he is willing or able to say.
Apologize, man. First and completely and without hesitation. That's key. But also be honest about where you're coming from and what you're thinking. And if you know that you can genuinely have a friendship with this guy with no sexual component and no more "moves" on your part, then tell him that too (but only if you mean it). If he can't forgive you or can't move past his own feelings/fears/whatever, then you'll have to be OK with that.
It's interesting to me (and a relief) to hear that so many guys here have been in similar situations. I've told the story elsewhere and won't repeat it here, but I, too, have been on the receiving end of this sort of thing with results both unexpected in my response and sad in the final outcome. But I think we can tell from the variety of endings that have been shared so far that, at this point, pretty much anything can happen. Here's hoping it's a good one for you both.
I know the rest of us are wishing you all the best of luck in finding a postive resolution to this fix. Let us know how it goes, man.
