Searching For A Play Buddy While Committed

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by cmdh3, Sep 11, 2010.

?

Is having a guy friend like this wrong?

  1. Yes you jerk!

    9 vote(s)
    25.7%
  2. No this is fine

    20 vote(s)
    57.1%
  3. Doesn't everyone have this friend?

    6 vote(s)
    17.1%
  1. cmdh3

    cmdh3 New Member

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    So I'm a newbie here and hope I'm not gonna get flamed for this. I'm in a nice relationship with a girl I like and it is very sexually satisfying. Over the last year however I've really wanted to have a guy friend to have fun with (jo, oral, no kissing). I know I'm gonna get some hate for cheating, but this is something I really want to experience sexually; I have a huge sexual drive! I live near a gay bar and have thought about maybe meeting someone there, but I don't want a relationship or drama of that.

    Mind you I don't want to turn gay, I'm not attracted to guys at all. I'm just interested to hear the opinions of cheating and not cheating. If only doing oral and jo isn't cheating in peoples mind I would feel better.

    Any advice?
    Think I could find a guy willing to be just a buddy and a secret play buddy?
     
    #1 cmdh3, Sep 11, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2010
  2. millsbrandon1010

    millsbrandon1010 New Member

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    UUUmMm I dont think theres no such a thing as turning gay...Either you are or your not. With that said, I personally think you just have a urge and are curious so I don't see anything wrong with it.
     
  3. erratic

    Gold Member

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    If you say that in the first sentence it's a good sign you know it's going to happen, no? ;-)

    Then don't cheat. Ask her for her permission. Gentlemen are, above all else, honest and forthright. So ask yourself before you do this: Are you a gentleman?

    There are lots of men who will have sex with you without a relationship. (And don't kid yourself. "Fun" like "jo, oral, no kissing" is still sex.)

    Oh my God, for real? You don't want to turn gay? What is this, 1954? You don't turn gay. If you're worried about turning gay it's because you're worried about what your sexual identity is. Clearly your desire to suck dick has thrown you for a loop. No one can fault you for that. It's very confusing to have queer feelings in a society that tells you you have to be totally straight or gay...or maybe bi (read: slutty, or just "gay in waiting").

    You're not going to turn gay.

    You can lie to yourself, but don't think you can lie to the internet. People who are not attracted to men - like 100% lesbians and 100% straight men - have no interest in sucking a cock or stroking one off. The only way you can fuck someone you find totally unattractive is if you a) hate yourself that much, or b) are getting paid for it.

    And remember: Blowing a guy is fucking a guy is cheating on your girlfriend (unless you have permission).

    What? Shouldn't it be what you and your girlfriend think that makes you feel better? If you're worried you might be cheating on her if you suck a cock that's not yours you should ask her. If she says "Oh no, suck all the dick you want" then go for it. Those women do exist, but it's a very good idea to double-check with her first.

    You can totally find a great, queer, bi, or bicurious dude to play with. No problem. The world is full of them. But, by "secret play buddy" I assume you mean someone whom you fuck behind your girlfriend's back. (Please correct me if I'm wrong on that.) The kinds of guys who you will find willing to do that are either scumbags, or men you've lied to. Avoid the former and don't punish the latter.

    Just ask her, dude. And if she says "no", then find a woman who will let you.

    And good luck. I don't mean to sound mean in what I wrote above, but I think there's a little bit of fact-checking you need to do in your head and in your heart. Like I said, you can do this like a gentleman, or you can do this like a liar. The choice is all yours.
     
    #3 erratic, Sep 11, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2010
  4. SweetLovesVick

    SweetLovesVick New Member

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    All you ever need to know Erratic just told you above! He just posted to you one of the best responses ever here on LPSG. Nicely done erratic.
     
  5. D_Ezdras Dingledonger

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    Does she know that you're bisexual? Are you in an open relationship? These are really the only two things you need to ask yourself, but if the answer to both is no, I think you're in trouble.

    In any case, I never get fully serious with women anymore because I kept finding myself in situations like yours (except in a heterosexual sense). I tried the faithfulness thing many times, but I realized that no matter how much I like someone, I'll still want to have additional fun, which is never fair to her, unless she's completely understanding of it (and that's VERY hard to find). That's why I'm also quite distant towards women in general - I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. So you should probably at the very least tune down the intensity of your relationship.

    Ultimately though, I think you do need to be honest with yourself, but also her. Make sure she knows your sexual orientation and that you're having certain urges beyond your control. It's not your fault for having them, but you do have to come clean about it or else part ways with her. You owe her that much.
     
    #5 D_Ezdras Dingledonger, Sep 11, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2010
  6. minimag

    minimag Active Member

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    I like the fact that he was able to do it without even a hint of flaming. :biggrin1:
     
  7. millsbrandon1010

    millsbrandon1010 New Member

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    Erratic broke it down perfectly..I don't think there's more to be said on this thread.. Nice work Erratic
     
  8. cmdh3

    cmdh3 New Member

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    Thanks for the replies, especially erratic. I didn't mean to offend with the wording I may have used or anything.
     
  9. erratic

    Gold Member

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    No problem, man. Be good to your woman, and good luck finding what you're looking for. Having friends to jerk off with is pretty fantastic, especially when your partner is cool. Good luck.
     
  10. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    If you can't talk to your gf about it, it's cheating. Get permission to play, or end the relationship with your gf before you have sex with someone else (and yes, oral and masturbation count).
     
  11. Reese

    Reese New Member

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    What subgirrl said. I couldn't answer your poll because, while I believe it's fine to have sex partners outside of your relationship or marriage, it's something you need to discuss or even share with your significant other if you truly value their place in your life. Otherwise, you're just being unfaithful, plain and simple - and trust, once broken, is not so easily mended. If you'd had a "no, this is fine, provided you talk it over with your girlfriend first and not keep secrets" option, I would've voted for that.

    They do indeed. When I told my girlfriend (now my wife) that I fancied a bit of cock every now and again, she got quite turned on by this (and I expect you'd be surprised at just how many girls do!). Since then, we've had countless one night stands and even a steady boyfriend, me for the cock sucking and her for the fucking, but we decided early on that the extramarital sex is something we would only do together as a couple (whether one of us is just there watching or both fully participating).

    Nowadays, I can't even imagine being in a steady relationship where I couldn't share my "deepest, darkest secrets" with my partner and feel that anything less than full openness and honesty is tantamount to cheating. Have you even tried broaching the subject with your girlfriend? Judging by the number of girls I've spoken to about this who find the idea "horny as fuck" (to quote just a few), I think you might be pleasantly surprised by her reaction! Then again, if she reacts badly, I sincerely believe that she's not the girl for you.
     
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