Secret Crush on Best Friend

[blkbro510]

I wonder if bromance can stand bro-jealousy. Just hear me out boys. What if your bestie sees you getting real close with another guy...what happens

 

[B_jeepguy2]

He does...in fact, he was the first person I ever came "out" to...around the time he had his first kid.

How did he react when you told him? Do you think that is the reason he cut off all contact except Christmas cards?

 

[deleted3782]

How did he react when you told him? Do you think that is the reason he cut off all contact except Christmas cards?

He was very matter-of-fact about it, and a few days later he mailed me a huge box of condoms with a note to have fun and be safe. He is not at all homophobic.

 

[killerb]

I wonder if bromance can stand bro-jealousy. Just hear me out boys. What if your bestie sees you getting real close with another guy...what happens

i've been there...i was really tight with this one guy and he HATED for me to be friends with anyone else...even to the point where he'd make up crap about anyone he felt threatened by...

 

[Voglener]

I had a friend (now deceased) from college who told me, after we had been friends for YEARS that, when we first met he had such a crush on me. We had become good friends and sometimes, even if you do mess around, you don't feel that way about someone.
I'm glad we never "went there" because his friendship meant so much to me. I miss him terribly. Terribly.

 

[Jay1074]

Even though I knew at an early age that I was attracted to males I absolutely NEVER crushed on any of my best friends and I would have been disturbed if I had... to this day the idea creeps me out. I did however develop crushes on some of my friend's dads or other older male neighbors in the hood and occasionally a friend's much older brother who was married with children. I just have never been attracted to guys my own age or younger.

There was a guy in high school that was a casual acquiantance, as we had many mutual friends and had a few classes together, that I really thought was cute and would fantasize about alot. Maybe it was a crush, I don't know since there were other definite crushes I had that eclipsed this, but they were all older men. After graduation I lost track of this guy, as what usually happens with most people; but then in the last few years we keep bumping in to each other at some of the local places. He still looks incredible, hotter than when we were in high school nearly 20 years ago actually, and he's totally nice and down to earth. Unfortunately, he's straight otherwise I would have definitley made a move on asking him out. He's someone I wish I'd become better friends with when we were younger.

 

[Maxime_]

Yeah I had. The problem is that since you realize it,the friendship is over. It will move on to something more or just end. No other choice meant!
For those who think they can handle the situation and they can drown their crush and stay as friends, I'd say it is killing. I mean,you cannot lie to yourself forever neither to lie to your best friend. You don't say it but then you start getting jealous,you start having physical attraction you can't stop when you find yourselves sleeping together or alone.....you can keep it as a secret first,but then you just blow and have to cope with that...

 

[B_MatureHungDad]

ya I had the same thing many years ago. I fell in love with him and had no idea for years. It all started in the 9th grade when we met and then for the next four years and the rest of high school I was in love with him and had no idea. However in college we staryed close and I actually transferred schools in college to pretty much be near him again. We are the closest of friends without being best friends.

It is really weird bc he dated a girl for pretty much the whole time I was in love with him, and toward the end of college we got really close which is bad bc after about 5 years of actually loving him we got so close that I remember the possibly of actually hooking up became real. I remember he would state comments to me where it def gave the possiblity... well actually the only reaason why i remember this is becasue I was in love with him so much, but he actually said "If I were gay I would def fuck you" haha so i donno. but It has been a long time and after college he got busy with med school and now is married and we still communicate

 

[lokican]

This has happened a couple of times to me, especially when I ignored my bisexual side. The problem is when you start to have a crush on your friend you tend to start thinking of them as a boyfriend, and their are things you can expect from a boyfriend not a friend. For example you can get mad at a boyfriend for not spending time with you, not a friend. Also you tend to expect more from a boyfriend, and in the end I was mad they wouldn't return my feelings.

Funny the first friend I had a crush on, I saw him when I went home for the holidays and we ended up fooling around. It was a fantasy come true

 

[Maxime_]

This has happened a couple of times to me, especially when I ignored my bisexual side. The problem is when you start to have a crush on your friend you tend to start thinking of them as a boyfriend, and their are things you can expect from a boyfriend not a friend. For example you can get mad at a boyfriend for not spending time with you, not a friend. Also you tend to expect more from a boyfriend, and in the end I was mad they wouldn't return my feelings.

Funny the first friend I had a crush on, I saw him when I went home for the holidays and we ended up fooling around. It was a fantasy come true

I totally agree with you. It happened the same to me. And those friendships ended badly because I was expecting from them things one expects from a boyfriend....:-(

 

[SomeGuyOverThere]

I think without realising it I had a crush on my best friend at school. We were pretty erm... touchy feely for best friends. As school dragged on we drifted apart, we went to the same university and hardly spoke to each other.

I saw him briefly in the shopping crowd at Christmas, first time I'd seen him in almost 2 years. Didn't open my mouth fast enough to catch his attention and he melted into the crowd.

Probably for the best it never came to anything, I still haven't sorted out my sexuality and he still hasn't sorted his life out.

 

[EdWoody]

The problem is when you start to have a crush on your friend you tend to start thinking of them as a boyfriend, and their are things you can expect from a boyfriend not a friend.

Yeah, I can empathise with this also.

 

[ericbythebay]

Looking back, I had crushes on several of my friends in high school & boy scouts, I just didn't realize it at the time. There was one experience that is still memorable.

I was a year ahead of him in school and we were both on the wrestling team. He was really hot, built, football, wrestling, 6'1", etc. We became really good friends my Junior and Senior year of high school, spent a lot of time together, he took up a lot of the same activities I was doing, and we did a lot of double dating with our respective girl friends.

My freshman year of college he would come and visit and spend the weekend in my dorm room. I figured out I was gay midway through my freshman year and told him that summer, after one memorable event. He'd spend the night and sleep in my bed (which we'd done for years), one day he woke up with my hand on his dick (I was asleep).

Later that summer, when I was visiting home while my parents were out of town (I had an apartment near campus and went to school over the summer), one night we got drunk at my parent's house. I had high school friends over visiting, after he took his girlfriend home and came back, we went hot tubbing and afterwards, he made the first move. We ended up kissing, jacking and blowing each other. I was very surprised when he went down on me first. I can't really describe what the situation was like, other than it felt like I was actually living out my best sexual fantasy. After some fooling around, he came and lost interest. That's when I learned you never let a "straight" guy cum first.

The next day we went canoeing with his parents and it was really awkward. We couldn't really talk about what happened with his parents around, and we were stuck with each other in a canoe. He was definitely uncomfortable and I thought I had my dream boyfriend.

We didn't talk much for a few weeks after that. Then a month or so later, he spent the night and he let me blow him again.

He ended up going to the same university as I did. That fall, things blew up. He was uncomfortable with the amount of attention I paid to him when his straight friends were around. Then he said he was just curious the first time and didn't want to hurt my feelings the second time. We didn't talk for about a year.

We had this strange group of friends that told each of us what we didn't want to hear about the other. After a year of drama that only college kids could put up with, we somewhat reconciled, but things never went back to the way they were. He even ended up living with me for a summer during college. After college we never spoke again. I hear he's bald, fat, and married now.

I later learned that I wasn't his first time with a guy.

 

[brad_]

Me and my best mate never used to get along. He's a year older than me, so at school and 6th form we only spoke at parties between mutual friends, or in town if we ever saw each other out. Over the last 2 years however when friends left to go to uni, a group of us formed who were left behind - a group of 6; 2 girls, 4 lads. We go out regularly and have a been on holiday together a few times. Pretty much do everything all together.

Its only in the last year that i've got really close to my mate. We talk about girls alot and have both been in relationships before but when were out getting drunk we dont normally hit on girls, just tend to have a laugh with our mates and mess about. were both good looking lads - without sounding too big headed - and i really enjoy his company.

anyway, we were drunk one night last summer and ended up sharing a bed with another of my m8s and all 3 of us passed out in our clothes. For some reason i woke up in the middle of the night still feeling drunk, but feeling extremely curious as to what my best mate kept in his boxers. I ended up having a cheeky grope without getting too intimate just to see what was going on, which made him get hard and pretty big. Ive never thought about guys before but at the point i would have loved nothing more than for him to do the same to me. he didnt wake up and i fell back to sleep. The next day however he joked about him feeling my hand touching him up, but put it down to me being drunk and not knowing what i was doing - which was lucky for me.

Ever since this iv thougth of my mate differently. i know im not gay but i know i have a crush on him and would be willing to do stuff with him. ive even started wanking off and thinking about him. obviously if i say soemthing to him it will ruin the brilliant friendship we've got...hes never showed signs of being gay but we are really close... but do i just keep quiet forever or distance myself from him? hmm.

 

[surfguy]

Me and my best mate never used to get along. He's a year older than me, so at school and 6th form we only spoke at parties between mutual friends, or in town if we ever saw each other out. Over the last 2 years however when friends left to go to uni, a group of us formed who were left behind - a group of 6; 2 girls, 4 lads. We go out regularly and have a been on holiday together a few times. Pretty much do everything all together.

Its only in the last year that i've got really close to my mate. We talk about girls alot and have both been in relationships before but when were out getting drunk we dont normally hit on girls, just tend to have a laugh with our mates and mess about. were both good looking lads - without sounding too big headed - and i really enjoy his company.

anyway, we were drunk one night last summer and ended up sharing a bed with another of my m8s and all 3 of us passed out in our clothes. For some reason i woke up in the middle of the night still feeling drunk, but feeling extremely curious as to what my best mate kept in his boxers. I ended up having a cheeky grope without getting too intimate just to see what was going on, which made him get hard and pretty big. Ive never thought about guys before but at the point i would have loved nothing more than for him to do the same to me. he didnt wake up and i fell back to sleep. The next day however he joked about him feeling my hand touching him up, but put it down to me being drunk and not knowing what i was doing - which was lucky for me.

Ever since this iv thougth of my mate differently. i know im not gay but i know i have a crush on him and would be willing to do stuff with him. ive even started wanking off and thinking about him. obviously if i say soemthing to him it will ruin the brilliant friendship we've got...hes never showed signs of being gay but we are really close... but do i just keep quiet forever or distance myself from him? hmm.

I don't think it HAS to ruin a friendship. My theory is that guys just don't have the traditions and vocabulary to talk something like this out, and they fall back on the closest thing they know: the guy/girl breakup.

I managed to salvage a situation like this, but we had to have several brutally honest talks. Since I was the one who declared my crush to him, he tried to play the role of the 100% straight guy, act upset, etc. I knew better than that that he wasnt absolutely straight(I had heard some pretty credible stories from one of his oldest acquaintences).

I made him be brutally honest about how he felt about me and what I meant to him. Yes, I had way more feelings for him than he had for me, but at least I got him to acknowledge that he had more feelings for me that he first admitted, and that our friendship was too good to just trash. We determined my attraction to him was a "10" and his for me was a "7". He decided the highest purely straight bromance he had ever had was a "5".

The next step was kind of a "formal negotiation" about behaviors, boundaries, etc. He trusts me that I won't do anything wierd in public, I don't care that I can't hold his hand when we're at the movies, but he doesn't freak out if I hug him at appropriate "guy hug" moments. In private, he is able to relax and be close (no, not nearly as close as I'd wish for), because he knows I won't go "too far" for his comfort level. I had to grow up a little and give up on the secret agenda of maybe getting him to "push his boundaries". Friendship is about trust, right?

Guy friendships are mostly about activities. By negotiating which activites we could do together (yes to the U2 concert, no to cocksucking, yes to Fat tire and side-by-side JO, no to jaegermeister and skydiving, etc...)

I realize this might not work for a 100%-gay dude, any every situation is a little different, but I see a lot of guys on this thread that are less than %100-ers, so I say at least think about it. It may only be a matter of a few years till the physical attraction wears off anyway--I see a lot of posts where the guy gets bald, ugly, fat etc.

Mine is still hot, maybe I should get him off of light beer and hurry up the process.

 

[B_RedDude]

So why did he marry her? I will NEVER understand this sort of thing.

After college he quickly got engaged to a girl he met there (I still have the letters where he complained how she was so manipulative and possessive).

 

[runningwoof]

I always get crushes on hot new friends. After I get to know them, the fantasy wears off and the friendship remains. There was one friend in high school that I use to do theatre with. He was gorgeous and very well endowed, at least from the few times I saw him in the changing rooms. It was painful knowing that he was straight and that nothing would happen, but sort of fun to fantasize as well. I have had co-workers who I crushed on so hard that I almost couldn't work with them because it was soooo painful. One guy in particular was so fucking gorgeous that I couldn't stand it, and he was funny and nice. He knew I was really attracted to him, but never knew how much I really wanted him.

 

[B_RedDude]

This stuff can pretty rough within the constrained environment of work

I have had co-workers who I crushed on so hard that I almost couldn't work with them because it was soooo painful.

 

[Takenachance]

Looking back, I had crushes on several of my friends in high school & boy scouts, I just didn't realize it at the time. There was one experience that is still memorable.

I was a year ahead of him in school and we were both on the wrestling team. He was really hot, built, football, wrestling, 6'1", etc. We became really good friends my Junior and Senior year of high school, spent a lot of time together, he took up a lot of the same activities I was doing, and we did a lot of double dating with our respective girl friends.

My freshman year of college he would come and visit and spend the weekend in my dorm room. I figured out I was gay midway through my freshman year and told him that summer, after one memorable event. He'd spend the night and sleep in my bed (which we'd done for years), one day he woke up with my hand on his dick (I was asleep).

Later that summer, when I was visiting home while my parents were out of town (I had an apartment near campus and went to school over the summer), one night we got drunk at my parent's house. I had high school friends over visiting, after he took his girlfriend home and came back, we went hot tubbing and afterwards, he made the first move. We ended up kissing, jacking and blowing each other. I was very surprised when he went down on me first. I can't really describe what the situation was like, other than it felt like I was actually living out my best sexual fantasy. After some fooling around, he came and lost interest. That's when I learned you never let a "straight" guy cum first.

The next day we went canoeing with his parents and it was really awkward. We couldn't really talk about what happened with his parents around, and we were stuck with each other in a canoe. He was definitely uncomfortable and I thought I had my dream boyfriend.

We didn't talk much for a few weeks after that. Then a month or so later, he spent the night and he let me blow him again.

He ended up going to the same university as I did. That fall, things blew up. He was uncomfortable with the amount of attention I paid to him when his straight friends were around. Then he said he was just curious the first time and didn't want to hurt my feelings the second time. We didn't talk for about a year.

We had this strange group of friends that told each of us what we didn't want to hear about the other. After a year of drama that only college kids could put up with, we somewhat reconciled, but things never went back to the way they were. He even ended up living with me for a summer during college. After college we never spoke again. I hear he's bald, fat, and married now.

I later learned that I wasn't his first time with a guy.

This story is depressing! I'm glad I have never taken that step with any of my "straight" friends.

 

[runningwoof]

This stuff can pretty rough within the constrained environment of work

Yeah...we both worked at a gym...I got to see his muscles all day long. He would tease me a lot too...don't think he ever realized how painful it was to watch him.

There was one other guy who I lusted after. One day he was in the shower room and I made an excuse to walk through. I saw him naked and he had the most beautiful cock. Huge. It was about 8 soft. Not sure what he was like when fully erect.