(Note, if this seems a little strangely worded it’s because this was originally a letter to an individual escort in Europe)
I’m a 38 year old gay man and I have been planning on seeing a male escort for some time. I need someone to help me work through some medical issues that have kept me from ever being able to establish a sexual or romantic life.
I have several medical conditions that are intrusive to sex and relationships but the primary one that’s been holding me up are some penile issues stemming from a poorly performed circumcision that caused both structural problems and substantial sensitivity loss, possibly due to nerve damage. I know that this will significantly impact basic sexual function, especially given what other men with similar circumcision injuries have described. I am unsure to what degree that effect will really be for me though since I’ve never had penetrative sex.
My goal is to move into general dating and socialization to find a partner but before I do that I would greatly prefer to be able work out and know two things beforehand.
One is to what degree I can or cannot actually function in a sexual encounter with another person. Some men with my problems are physically capable of penetrative sex, some aren’t while others more or less can with one or more kinds of medical interventions being involved.
The other is, depending on how bad things are, have had a chance to try out the different possible solutions (medications and devices) to see if any of them help.
I would feel much better both having answers to those uncertainties and be able to have any kind of possible aid that works known and ready in advance before I really try to initiate stuff with people. I don’t want them just left up in the air while I’m trying to get into all this in the first place.
Unfortunately, I need an actual partner to physically do things with to get those answers and that has always been a dilemma for me. I feel uncomfortable trying to use the usual means of getting together with someone just to have a man to do all this evaluation and experimentation with. It’s not really an easy set of intentions and needs to communicate in a social environment like date or even a hook up.
I just want to do this in a controlled environment with someone who knows about what going on with me in advance. I can’t exactly speak from experience but this sort of thing seems like it isn’t going to mix well with trying to do stuff like sell myself as a potential mate, or trying to give the other person a satisfying encounter at the same time or any of the other things that usually go along with social sexual interactions for that matter.
In addition, I also need a partner and to have/try penetrative sex with for another reason. In my experience it’s extremely difficult to talk to urologists about sexual dysfunction when you have no sexual history to describe.
I am aware that a fair number of people use sex workers specifically for this sort of thing but I need some advice about seeing male escort for it.
I have several basic questions:
Addendum, the “contact me” options of an escorts page options on the US version of Rentmen does not include phone numbers or email options for it. Was it always like this? I feel a little suspicious because the EU version does and I’ve heard it’s safer to use an external contact or messaging system rather than the one the website provides. Did I miss another part of the site where this is provided or something?
Any advice would deeply appreciated!
I’m a 38 year old gay man and I have been planning on seeing a male escort for some time. I need someone to help me work through some medical issues that have kept me from ever being able to establish a sexual or romantic life.
I have several medical conditions that are intrusive to sex and relationships but the primary one that’s been holding me up are some penile issues stemming from a poorly performed circumcision that caused both structural problems and substantial sensitivity loss, possibly due to nerve damage. I know that this will significantly impact basic sexual function, especially given what other men with similar circumcision injuries have described. I am unsure to what degree that effect will really be for me though since I’ve never had penetrative sex.
My goal is to move into general dating and socialization to find a partner but before I do that I would greatly prefer to be able work out and know two things beforehand.
One is to what degree I can or cannot actually function in a sexual encounter with another person. Some men with my problems are physically capable of penetrative sex, some aren’t while others more or less can with one or more kinds of medical interventions being involved.
The other is, depending on how bad things are, have had a chance to try out the different possible solutions (medications and devices) to see if any of them help.
I would feel much better both having answers to those uncertainties and be able to have any kind of possible aid that works known and ready in advance before I really try to initiate stuff with people. I don’t want them just left up in the air while I’m trying to get into all this in the first place.
Unfortunately, I need an actual partner to physically do things with to get those answers and that has always been a dilemma for me. I feel uncomfortable trying to use the usual means of getting together with someone just to have a man to do all this evaluation and experimentation with. It’s not really an easy set of intentions and needs to communicate in a social environment like date or even a hook up.
I just want to do this in a controlled environment with someone who knows about what going on with me in advance. I can’t exactly speak from experience but this sort of thing seems like it isn’t going to mix well with trying to do stuff like sell myself as a potential mate, or trying to give the other person a satisfying encounter at the same time or any of the other things that usually go along with social sexual interactions for that matter.
In addition, I also need a partner and to have/try penetrative sex with for another reason. In my experience it’s extremely difficult to talk to urologists about sexual dysfunction when you have no sexual history to describe.
I am aware that a fair number of people use sex workers specifically for this sort of thing but I need some advice about seeing male escort for it.
I have several basic questions:
- Firstly, how can I effectively explain my needs to an escort during or before an actual encounter? I’m not sure I entirely understand how the law and escort etiquette are supposed to work with this kind of thing but from what I have heard explicitly asking for sex is what can potentially create a legal problem. My intentions, however, are going to be difficult to effectively communicate without also being fairly specific about them. What’s the best way to broach this with them? Would it be a good idea to space things out across two separate meetings rather than one? Once to discuss things and communicate what I want and another to actually do things. It might be preferable to do it this way anyways since right now I could use some therapeutic companionship without anything overtly sexual necessarily being involved anyways (I have bad misophonia that creates some real isolation issues for me).
- Second, is what I’m asking for likely to be a problem for an escort? I know that what I want to do with them is, physically, going to be about as vanilla as sex gets, but there’s more to it than that. It’s going to involve not only figuring out to what extent I’m capable of sexual function but also a few other things as well like experimentation with different kinds of medical interventions, having an opportunity to feel, stimulate and explore there bodies to help me understand how I’ve been effected by getting a sort of basis of comparison and asking them some questions about sex in general that will probably seem kind of specific or odd. Obviously though, there’s also going to be somewhat of an emotional angle to this as well since, even with everything else aside, they are going to be taking my virginity and I kind of worry that all of this could make things a little too personal for an escort, especially if they didn’t know in advance.
- Thirdly, I’m a little unsure of where to do this. I know that there are sex workers who specialize in or are least are well informed about working with people with physical problems that create sexual dysfunction and/or disabilities that are intrusive to intimacy, of which I have both. However, where to go and who to see is very difficult to do research on in the US given the legal status of sex work. I’ve heard more about it in places like Amsterdam though where it can be discussed openly. Should I consider going overseas to do this? Somewhere where it’s both legal and I can ask around for who would be a good match for my needs.
Addendum, the “contact me” options of an escorts page options on the US version of Rentmen does not include phone numbers or email options for it. Was it always like this? I feel a little suspicious because the EU version does and I’ve heard it’s safer to use an external contact or messaging system rather than the one the website provides. Did I miss another part of the site where this is provided or something?
Any advice would deeply appreciated!
