Seeing people you know on hookup sites...

D

deleted3782

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...I get home from work and log in again. Checked my messages, blah blah hi whatever blah blah. Then I go to browse the members. I thought, "Hmmm it's ____'s facebook profile photo". Did a double take... to make sure it's him.... then to make sure I'm in the right browser tab ... looked at the username (match!)... finally again back at the photo. It's him! Freaked out, I logged out immediately.

I'm shocked! Flustered! Flabbergasted! I didn't even THINK he'd be on a site like that. I suspected he might be gay/curious, heck we even had an incident, but I always gave him the benefit of the doubt. I didn't want to make assumptions. We hang out regularly and we both knew each other for most of our lives.... I'm not sure how things will change if I confront him. What to do?! I'm going to need time for this to sink in.

Be careful. I had the same exact reastion about five years ago when I found a family member's picture on a gay hookup site. I freaked. A day later I want on vacation and when I got back he had filled out his profile and his age and height were wrong. Feeling for confident that this was a fake profile, I messaged and the guy was not th. he juse family member I though he was. He just grabbed a pic off Facebook. I called him on it and he took the fake profile down.

So...be careful with assumptions. If the guy is handsome, someone might have stolen his pic.
 

HungThickProf

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It's just not a big deal to me. I guess because the same could be asked of people who know you and see you on those sites or apps. I normally just shoot a friendly message saying hey and finding out how they've been. I try to keep it humorous to avoid the possibility of anything being awkward.

Happy hunting, man.
 

OscarM

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Thanks everyone. I'm going to go with the general consensus and mind my own business. Although, I think he might find out sooner or later that it's me but I'll wait passively.

Be careful. I had the same exact reastion about five years ago when I found a family member's picture on a gay hookup site. I freaked. A day later I want on vacation and when I got back he had filled out his profile and his age and height were wrong. Feeling for confident that this was a fake profile, I messaged and the guy was not th. he juse family member I though he was. He just grabbed a pic off Facebook. I called him on it and he took the fake profile down.

So...be careful with assumptions. If the guy is handsome, someone might have stolen his pic.

The details this guy has is pretty accurate at least the stuff that I can see without clicking his pic. He isn't particularly handsome, IMO, but I can see the appeal he might have.

I still haven't figured out what to do if he approaches me on the site... I think I might be his type, based on the incident we had, which I shall not speak of.
 
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marc_jacob

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It's not really a "problem". I just totally didn't expect it.

As for confronting him, I wouldn't be confronting him in a bad way. I certainly don't hope to scare him off (we've been friends most of our lives, remember?). And it's just weird for me to know about him, but not him about me being there.

No, I don't plan on clicking his profile. I certainly hope he doesn't click on mine because I wouldn't know what to do yet!

You sound like an insufferable child.
 

craigsmith

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I had the same problem on Match.com. Someone had use a picture they had taken of me a long time ago and filled out a profile on me. I didn't even know anything about it. The guy that did it had worked on my house. I had gone to texas with my wife and my parents went to check on the house and found him and his buddies in my swimming pool. I never gave them permission to use the pool or anything. They were grilling and having a party at my house without me knowing about it. I remember the day he took the picture. I was sitting at my desk and he had just gotten a new phone. He came over to do work on the house - came in and snapped a picture of me sitting at my desk without my shirt on. The walls were Green in the room where I was sitting and the next week we painted the room a different color. After the incident with the pool, I called the police and asked them to remove them from the property. I didn't mind him taking a swim when we were all there but I never gave him permission to bring all his buddies etc. If someone had gotten hurt I would have been liable. They actually climbed over the fence to get into the pool and bypassed the lock on the gate. They were using my gas grill and they had brought coolers with beer. At least that is what I was told by the police when I got back. Well I was really mad at this guy and paid him for his work and told him not to come back. About 1 year later, the kids at school were giving my daughter ( 5th grade) problems by not playing with her etc. She was going to have a Birthday party and no one she invited came. WE went down to the neighbors house to find out why - so she told us she had seen my picture on match.com and the profile was that I was looking for anykind of sex with women, men, etc. I didn't even know about it. I asked her to show it to me so she logged on and it was not there. So it must have been a trial version for a week of 3 days. I told them I didn't do it- her husband believe me but she didn't so she spread rumors and we had to take my daughter out of the school ( it was a Catholic School). The lady described the picture and said I was sitting at my desk no shirt. I called but no one could really do anything about it. This is my story. I have never used a site like that. It's awful how someone can do this to you and ruin you and your families life. WE actually moved from that town to get away from the people since it was a very small town and everyone talked. It was awful.
 

wappingite

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I find it best not to mix my cruising life with my personal life (work, friends, family,neighbours). I have run into people I know from work and socially on the online sites as well as in sex clubs. Online, I ignore them and make sure to remove any tracks (if possible), so not to make them think they're being stalked. I let them make contact with me if they chose, but I never initiate it. In person if I see someone I know when cruising, once it's apparent you recognise each other, I give a little nod and smile just to put them at ease. Sometimes, they chat, sometimes they don't. I leave the decision up to them. I am especially careful with work colleagues, and I stay clear as much as possible. That's my livelihood, and why potentially compromise it any capacity?

Basically my philosophy on this is "Don't shit on your own doorstep", and it's served me well over the years.
 
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Philly05

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I saw my first girlfriend from junior high on craigslist posting for a rape/tied up fantasy. That was quite a mindf#%k. Although it might have just been one of her friends posting her picture and email on there to mess with her. At least I am hoping that.
 

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i've seen a few ppl i know on sites like that...i've never said a word about it.
was i surprised? sure! but i live & let live. that's all.
 

sizequeenNY

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This happened to me a few times in the last couple of years. I had a profile somewhere that pics below the neck ;) are popular. The people messaging did not know it is me. Once last year, mostly with liquor courage, I whispered to someone that I am the girl they msged. We had a good time that night and a few times after. In the other situations, I did not revisit and out myself because it was odd, like my pervy safe place was being violated by familiarity :/
 

AlextheRedhead

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Really it's not a big deal. I have seen two guys at my gym from Adam4Adam and a guy I met by accident. None of them knows it me because I don't post a face pic. Meanwhile I do think they have really nice dicks. So all is good. BTW if any of them asked me I would jump at the chance.
 

dylz

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sounds like you have gotten all the responses you needed but i would just like to add that (gay/bi) homophobes searching for no-frills gay sex on these sites is very common, far from surprising in any way. his presence on that site does not preclude him from being homophobic.
 

Wrat

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I saw women I know from around town in a small mid-western city. It was fun to see them, and even more fun to start a conversation with them. I had my picture up so they knew it was me. I didn't date them, but it was fun to have a friendly exchange and on a dating site. I confess though, one of them sent me nudes of herself, and I sent some back. That was hot. Still no actual hookup though.
 

luvguyz

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I have seen 3 people I know from work on Adam4Adam, and each incident is a little different. First of all, I don't have face pics on display so no one knows it's me, but they all had face pics. With the first guy, I saw his profile pic and sent him a message just to say, "hey it's me haha". We had fooled around in the past (just kissing) but that was it. With the 2nd guy, I saw his pic but didn't send a message bc he's one of my managers. The third guy I had worked with about 12 years ago, until he left the company. We kept in contact on Myspace, and one day years later he propositioned me about hooking up. It never happened. Then just recently, I got a message on Adam4adam and it was him lol! He doesn't know it's me and I haven't decided if I'm going to reveal who I am yet haha.
 

Alonso

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I tend to have face pics on the couple of sites & app that I use. I'm not too concerned about it - if an acquaintance/colleague sees it, that means they're cruising on gay sites themselves, so asking me about it will mean revealing the same thing on their end, so they can't exactly judge if that was their intention. I tend to not be out to people I'm not on close terms with, although if it comes up I am upfront about it, so it's not a big deal if somebody learns that way. So they know I'm "vers/bottom," oh well, ha - feel free to picture whatever you want. Otherwise my profiles tend to be pretty sparse on personal info, beyond a few pics, stats, and a blurb. I might feel a little self-conscious about them reading my okcupid profile, because that did go into detail, but I deleted it finally because despite the steady stream of messages, literally nobody that interested me ever contacted me, and almost nobody that I wrote to responded in an interested way, so it seemed like a waste of time. *

With that said, I've never come across somebody I know either personally or professionally, even the gay friends that I do have. Closest I came was when I saw the gay friend of a friend on Grindr once, and I blocked him just because he's not my type and I didn't want to have to turn him down if he did contact me, haha. I would just shrug if I did see one, although if it were somebody I thought were hot and didn't know before he wasn't straight, I might use the insider info to flirt a bit the next time I saw him in person, haha.

* I just remembered an undergrad I flirted with but never dated, who added me on FB, showed up in my profile tracks on okcupid once. I looked over his profile too, but he never messaged me so I didn't either. Neither of us had anything particularly shocking to read, anyhow.