Seeking advice, Should I tell her?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_Sergio Swallowme, Feb 5, 2011.

  1. D_Sergio Swallowme

    D_Sergio Swallowme Account Disabled

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    Hey LPSG Ladies,

    Sorry if this is in the wrong category, not sure where to place it so just want some advice from the girls :smile:, if it needs to be moved sorry about the hassle!

    So I've known this girl for a long time, since we were little kids I'd say. More recently we haven't been in touch but it seems that when we do hangout we have a great time! Now in HS I would say I had a crush on her but never really did say anything. She had a boyfriend and still is seeing him today, I think they started dating in like 4-5 years now it seems that they have a great relationship but I'm not sure haha.
    Last time I saw her we saw a movie and dinner just us, then hungout at her place after we were talking and she said how she wished she dated more in HS, got me to thinking how I should have said something.
    Now when we were in HS she would always flirt with me etc, we were always very playful. Then towards graduation she gave me mixed signals, it was a graduation dinner (family's were here and everything). She sees me then comes up and rubs my ear, I was kind of shocked that she did this in front of family and didnt know why she did it, does ear rubbing mean anything?
    I know that these acts probably dont mean anything, but do you guys think I should tell her how I feel? I'm not sure if I still have a crush on her now, but she was in my dream last night! its really weird....I haven't thought about her in ages but the dream really got me thinking. Did i confuse these acts of flirty-ness with just friendship? Even my best friend saw the ear rub had a wide mouth after he saw.... just a weird gesture to someone haha. I dont wanna ruin the friendship that we have, she always tells me that she loves me but probably as a friend. Do you guys think there is any benefit if I told her? Besides getting it off my chest?

    Any advice would be really helpful, I would say in HS we were best friends but I'm assuming with school and stuff now shes really busy. I know its probably gonna be just hide it and dont say anything, but would love to hear what the girls have to say.

    Thanks LPSG
     
  2. B_Bjen2848

    B_Bjen2848 New Member

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    dude, you're in the friend zone, if she really wanted you, trust me, you would know, women do this all the time, she knows you're attracted to her and she flirts with you just enough so you will be willing to do her favors like walk her dog, change the oil in her car and pick her up at the airport etc .. i say move on and forget about her and dont make an effort to get in contact with her (unless, of course, you really value the friendship) b/c if you cut it off, and she really likes you then she will find herself back in your life, but if she doesnt then it wont bother her ..

    my father told me this and it is SO true, if a woman truly likes you there is no mixed signals
     
  3. D_Sergio Swallowme

    D_Sergio Swallowme Account Disabled

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    Well I dont do any favors for her lol.... It was just a friendship, no walking dog or changing oil..... She contacts when we chat, I'll message her every once in a while to see how things are. She always says how we'll be friends still when we're older so dropping contact would be like randomly ending a friendship.
     
  4. B_Bjen2848

    B_Bjen2848 New Member

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    yeah just be upfront and tell her how you feel (just dont be too mushy about it, just ask her how on a date date and make sure she knows what your intentions are) because its only a win win

    if she likes you, then you two will have a ball together

    if she doesn't, then you'll stop wasting your time with her and its "on to the next one" (jay z voice) lol
     
  5. D_Sergio Swallowme

    D_Sergio Swallowme Account Disabled

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    haha very true, but I wouldnt want things to be awkward if I did tell her, shes a really good friend of mine. I guess it would be better to tell her. I just wanna know what some of the gestures she did means like the ear rub.
     
  6. B_Bjen2848

    B_Bjen2848 New Member

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    yeah, it looks like you really value the friendship .. just a few questions to help me understand the situation more

    idk if its the way you wrote it or what but im not sure, you said shes in a relationship? and if so how long have they been together and how is their relationship together? also you said she did the ear rub thing, how llong ago was that? and what other flirting has she done with you? (focus on more recently)
     
  7. D_Sergio Swallowme

    D_Sergio Swallowme Account Disabled

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    We go to school away from each other so more recently I havent even seen her, last time I saw her we just went out for dinner/movie. Ear rub was like not even a second or 2, maybe I'm just blowing it out of proportion? The relationship has been going on for a while, but I don't know if its good/bad don't really ask too much about it.
     
  8. B_Bjen2848

    B_Bjen2848 New Member

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    oh ok, yeah from what youre telling me i think youre in the friend zone :/ ... but dont take it from me, i dont know you or the girl! lol

    yeah just be upfront and whatever happens happens, you only live once and whatever you hear from her will only be good for you .. let me know what she says and good luck
     
  9. dude_007

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    First, 4 or 5 years isn't just "a while" it is a long time to be in a relationship. She is taken right now, ear rub or not. I wouldn't get too worked up unless you want to be bold and see if she wants to leave him for you. Otherwise, its time to leave your little crush behind and move on
     
  10. D_Pomeroy Pokingstick

    D_Pomeroy Pokingstick Account Disabled

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    I think if she is involved I would not say anything and continue to be friends, and date other women.

    I wouldn't over analyze the ear rubbing, it just sounds like she is comfortable with you.

    I really don't recommend coming out and telling her that you "like her" more than a friend, I think it puts too much pressure on the situation (she may like you but becomes turned off when the conversation gets so serious). Step up by flirting with her if you like her, make subtle hints that your interested, toss her hair, fingers on her neck, shoulder, arms, when you look at her look her do so with a little more animal instinct a little more sexual desire.

    Avoid that PUA nonsense. Be yourself
     
  11. DQSundae

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    Ask yourself this, "Why are you friends?". If you are in love with her then put it out there, she is at least your friend and will be sensitive to that and try not to hurt you if she doesn't feel the same way.

    I spent several years in high school being in love with my best friend only to introduce her to my other best friend and watch the two of them date. I was so damn miserable and jealous especially having to hear my best friend tell me how many ways he fucked her. Then I had to pick up the pieces with her after he broke her damn heart. I couldn't tell either of them how I felt. I loved her so much it physically hurt, god it was the most intense feelings i have ever had. It sucked, sucked, sucked! Don't be that guy!

    Tell her and if the answer is no, make a decision to let her go or just be her friend.
     
  12. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    Actually, I don't think he does. If he respected (and valued) her, and the friendship, he would also respect the fact that she's in a relationship. A SERIOUS relationship if they've been together 4-5 years.

    OP, I have no idea why you would want to suddenly tell her how you feel. Why would you want to put her in such an uncomfortable situation? What would be the benefit? Do you really think she's going to say 'I've been waiting for you to say that for years! Just give me a second while I dump my long term partner.'?
     
  13. D_Sergio Swallowme

    D_Sergio Swallowme Account Disabled

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    Very good point sub, but I do really appreciate the friendship, I didn't want to say anything in the beginning because she did have that BF and I didnt want to intrude. I guess its too late now, your second paragraph kinda put things into perspective lol. There would be no benefit besides getting it off my chest, but I really do want to let her know that I did have a crush on her in the past. I would want to know if she ever did in the past too, not worth it?
    Like you said, I wouldnt want to make her uncomfortable, and nothing would come out of it.

    Thanks for your help.
     
  14. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    My earlier post was a bit harsh I guess, but seeing the other side of things can be helpful.

    If it's just an 'in the past' thing, you could probably bring it up in a light-hearted manner over a few drinks sometime, but the chance of it coming out wrong probably isn't worth it.

    But if she ever dumps her partner, you should go for it :smile:.
     
  15. D_Sergio Swallowme

    D_Sergio Swallowme Account Disabled

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    No no it wasnt harsh, definitely what I needed kinda like a slap in the face hehe. 5 years is no short time, maybe next time I see her we'll chat and see where things go.

    Appreciate the help though sub!
     
  16. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    Glad to be of service :tongue:
     
  17. asellar

    asellar New Member

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    She is a player ! Wake up dude ..... rubbing ears in company was just a players signal in company to say lay off he's my friend - not a lover !

    You have to wake up - move on - to girls u r with now - stop looking into the past 6/7/8 th grade nonesense...

    You two will end up on Judge Judy in 2 years time .... you stony broke - while she is rolling around in diamonds .... and wants Judy to award her allimony....

    Wake up - move on - it didnt happen !
     
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