Seeking Advice...

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by cheezsteak, Nov 17, 2009.

  1. cheezsteak

    cheezsteak Member

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    kind of a long post but here we go...

    im with my GF. everything is going well so far. but i still think of my ex, now its to the point of it being daily. the ex has some character flaws and the sex wasnt as good or as frequent as my current GF. i've known my current gf longer and have a great friendship before and during our relationship, but i lived with my ex for 2 years. before my current gf, i've talked to the ex about getting back together, she seemed kinda iffy about it but mentioned she would stop being my friend if i had a child or get married to someone else. im in a great relationship getting all the great sex i can ask for and then some. i usually let my mind dictate how my relationships operate but being with my ex just feels right. sad thing is im not sure what that feeling is. i had valid reasons why that relationship ended as does she, but we always seem to connect somehow. im thinking of moving my current gf into my apt but im still wary of how the future will be, she's in another state but isnt stable career wise.

    im genuinely out of answers right now & would greatly appreciate some feedback to sort of point me in the right direction. thanks in advance LPSG...
     
  2. denton85

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    Ok we need to tackle this from a few points.... to me you sound more unsure about the relationship you are currently in. I'll get back to that in a moment.

    It's natural to look back at a previous relationship and remember all the good things (or all the bad things depending on the person or situation). From personal experience (twice), and seeing other people go through with it... there is all ways THE MOMENT. This is when you fully realize why you and your ex couldn't be with eachother... it can be anything... it can be huge... or it can be a series of little nothings that build up... but 90% of the time it turns out to be a bad decision ....

    However the real issue on hand seems to be your commitment to your current GF. Sounds like you are moving forward in a relationship that you are unsure about. When this happens, more often than not, men tend to look at 'ways out' or 'distractions'. Many cases it's mostly cheating, or doing other stupid things... it's subconscious thoughts/ decisions that can manifest into ending a relationship.

    The real answer is... getting back with your ex is a bad idea probably, and she is probably better for you as a long term friend, and moving forward in this relationship just scares you cause you are indeed unsure. Change is scary.

    But think of this... what if your GF moves in... and it turns out to be a great decision? And you guys are great together? The upside can be tremendous.

    However if she moves in, and you guys aren't really meant to be together for the long haul... then that's it, it ends, and you still have your ex as a friend.

    Don't let your fear of change, cause you to make any decision ...
     
  3. cheezsteak

    cheezsteak Member

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    im from NYC, thats a big enough distraction. the relationship is fine for now, but later on down the road i need some stability. she's an aspiring model/actress/singer (short version underemployed) so if you know the type then you understand my concerns for the future.
     
  4. cheezsteak

    cheezsteak Member

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    well here's an update... spent my 1st holiday in her small hometown that i really like. but the thanksgiving dinner itself was a disaster. im not a religious/spiritual person so thats strike one for me and was asked to say a prayer. i didnt bow my head or close my eyes so that was deemed offensive, but quick sidebar, how did the mother know i didnt bow my head and close my eyes if she bowed her head? lol im an african-american and her family is mostly european and west-indian and they made it clear that their ethnic background was the superior. to my GF's defense she does not follow the same ideology. while i reassured her that i wasn't upset by her family's rudeness at the dinner table i also stated it wouldnt be a good idea to comeback for christmas. she can come to NYC for christmas and we can go back to her hometown for new year's eve because i HATE NYC on new years. she insists that i return for christmas even though i dont celebrate. during my rude thanksgiving my ex texts me and for some reason the whole ordeal seemed a bit better. still having thoughts of getting back with the ex but besides my current GF's crazy family, im starting to notice things about my GF that really concerns me. one, i found out during my visit that she no longer has a job because she cant deal with the hours and it has nothing to do with "the biz". she still wants to pursue her acting dream and all she talks about is coming to live with me in NYC. im worried because im having a difficult time staying afloat in this super expensive city. and people like her come here and really get lost. so should i work it out with my GF, consider getting back with my ex or start all over?
     
  5. D_Ivana Dickenside

    D_Ivana Dickenside New Member

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    ask yourself if anything good is going to come out rekindling a relationship with your ex. you obviously broke up for a reason and you're clearly aware of why you ended things. so if you're having second thoughts about where your current relationship is going, after the thanksgiving ordeal and all, then talk about it with your GF so you'll know what direction your relationship is headed in. if you can work things out, that's great. but if you can't see eye to eye, the best thing would be to move on with your life.
     
    #5 D_Ivana Dickenside, Nov 30, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2009
  6. Wish-4-8

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    Get rid of both of them. Start all over. It is hard to do, but learn to just let it go. YOu have enslaved yourself into an idea. The shackles are in your own mind.

    Dont go back to the ex. There is a reason why she is an ex.
    The new girl has too many red flags. Usually, the way to get rid of an old girl is to get a new one. And this new one isnt doing it for you. You still cling on to the past that was not even that great or else you would have never left that situation.

    Get rid of both. You will be happier. Then find someone that can make you forget both. If they cant, then you still havent found the right person.
     
  7. cheezsteak

    cheezsteak Member

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    might have to have that convo with the GF about those big screen dreams. but it still spooks the shit outta me that i still think of the ex.
     
  8. yhtang

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    I share this opinion, for the very same reasons.

    Let go, it might turn out for the better.
     
  9. cheezsteak

    cheezsteak Member

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    what idea might that be? lol.
     
  10. Wish-4-8

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    That you have to be with either one of them. Or even that you have to have a girlfriend. Be free, let it go...
    Your agony is all in your mind.
     
  11. cheezsteak

    cheezsteak Member

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    this is hilarious... i just had that moment where i realized the ex is soooo NOT the one. glad i had this moment sooner than later. now the talk w/ the GF about our future. thanks LPSG
     
  12. Box_Man

    Box_Man Member

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    its a little late to add i guess, but if someones going to stop being your friend if you have a kid or get married, they should go fuck themselves sideways. people like that are horrible people in general
     
  13. dreamer20

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    Don't shack up with the jobless woman. Find a financially stable roommate to ease the burden of your living expenses and let her fend for herself.
     
  14. B_spotted_duck

    B_spotted_duck New Member

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    haven't been following this but peeked at it just now... I had a friend who wound up with the jobless woman, who suddenly got pregnant too... a f'ing mess. (He married her-- the "honorable" thing to do at some level but it's a bad, bad marriage and the kid's miserable.)

    getting a roomie is a great way to inoculate yourself against the girl who wants to move in and mooch while she chases her dream... hadn't thought of it
     
  15. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    There's no good reason to get into a relationship just because everyone says you should or the girl says she wants to. The only good reason to do it is because you want to be with a woman and share your life with her. I know a lot of guys who got married just because they thought they should. It's the worse reason in the world. Take your time. If the woman cares about you, she should respect you and your feelings.
     
  16. Florida Boy

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    One statement in your initial post seems not to ring true. How can you get enough sex and more with someone and you are in a long-distance relationship? To me, it doesn't seem possible, because the only time you can have sex is when you are together. That presumably, is for a short periodsIt's of time. It would, seem like a lot.

    Your best bet, is to move on from the country bumpkin/aspiring actress, and to maintain a long-term friendship with your ex-girlfriend, who apparently cares for you on a level higher than simply sexual. You recognize this, that is why she stays on your mind and you do not wish to lose that.

    Your best bet, is to move on from the country bumpkin/aspiring actress, and to maintain a long-term friendship (friendship only) with your ex-girlfriend, who apparently cares for you on a level higher than simply sexual. You recognize this, that is why she stays on your mind and you do not wish to lose that.
     
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