Seeking an opinion from the women

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by marvin, Oct 22, 2006.

  1. marvin

    marvin New Member

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    Without getting into why a partner would stray, lets say one or the other of a married couple has a fling/affair (use your own judgement if you believe there is a big difference between fling and affair). After the fling/affair is found out by the husband/wife, do you think the marriage has a better chance of recovery if the wife has to forget and forgive what her husband has done or if the husband has to forget and forgive what rhe wife has done.
     
  2. Lordpendragon

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    No one forgets.

    Forgiveness is bollocks - it needs understanding, then you make a decision what to do.
     
  3. marvin

    marvin New Member

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    Many thanks for your reply Lordpendragon, since you are among the women I seek an opinion from your input in highly valued.
     
  4. shelly

    shelly New Member

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    Good question Marvin, I was ready with a thoughtful response until I read your reply to lordpendragon's reply. After that i began to giggle and couldn't stop. Pls PM me and lets talk:wink:
     
  5. Lordpendragon

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    Virgin noobs :smile:
     
  6. WildHoney

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    Neither is good. I think once trust is broken is is almost impossible to forget and move past.

    Affair, fling, all equal disrespect and self indulgence......want excitement? Work your arse off on getting it right in your relationship , if it doesn't end up working out to your satisfaction ? leave.

    :smile:
    Honey
    ( who is a woman ....who has no time for men who fuck around ....and I am a swinger...work that out Sig freud :biggrin1: )
     
  7. Lordpendragon

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    What about for women who fuck around?
     
  8. WildHoney

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    Lord...same response actually, I have no time for dishonesty or deceit....life is too damn short to live it like that, plus I think it is cowardly and self indulgent to have affairs.

    :smile:
    Honey
     
  9. lacuna22

    lacuna22 New Member

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    too simplistic.

    i agree that if a spouse's cheating is pathological, then it's time to leave.

    but there's a difference between people who "fuck around," and the temptations, feelings, and desires that come between real people trying to sustain a lifelong fidelity - especially two people with beating hearts and curious minds. it would be nice if life were so tidy that it only happens to morally corrupt people. but it happens to everyone who braves monogamy. some resist, some don't. doesn't mean a marriage should be thrown away. dealing head on with why it happened, with understanding and forgiveness, can make a marriage stronger.
     
  10. WildHoney

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    Maybe too simplistic for some , but loyality and honesty is paramount to a conductive marriage. Want to have sex with others? Don't get married to a women who wants a monogamous relationship.

    I do not think it is too simple a request to not have sex without your partner knowing about it in a marriage. If your unsatisfied in your marriage, work on it untill your out of options, if it still no good for YOU, leave.

    I think it is weak willed to fuck around in anything but an open marriage - to do so is a big fat fuck you to your partner.

    I am not saying that I could never forgive it, I do not think I could walk away from my marriage for anything BUT I doubt It would ever be the same if he cheated on me or visa versa.
     
  11. Lordpendragon

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    I think that strong ongoing relationships are anchored in the fulfillment of expectations.

    These may be emotional, sexual, social, financial, etc etc.. We all have differing levels of requirements for each area. It is highly unlikely that you will find a partner who has exactly the same levels of priority in each area and this is why everyone says that you have to work on a good relationship - you must understand the priorities of the other and compromise to meet them and expect the same respect in return.

    When any of these expectations is not met then the whole relationship begins to crumble and your own efforts to fulfill the other's needs dissipate. Hence you can stop enjoying the sex because it becomes a singular act as opposed to part of a whole - this is equally as true for men by the way.

    People change as they grow and talk alone can not keep people in love or lust with each other - it's sad but true.

    As a man, I think I must have a very strong basic urge for sexual closeness and bonding with women, as I have "loved" women with whom I have only spent one night of passion and affection. Most women find this notion absurd, but for me I know it as a fact. Many women are taught to think that this shows a fear of committment, but that is to look at it in other people's terms - for me it is the satisfying of a deep need, no more no less and when I am party to the needs of both being met, perhaps that is my feeling of love.

    I posted this in the Married Women thread earlier - it's pretty much the same issue.
     
  12. marvin

    marvin New Member

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    I'm not sure how to delete a thread that I started if you know how please for the love of god let me know. I meant no harm just wanted some input spiced up with some horny stuff thrown in. I had no way of knowing this would become a Dr. Phil show in the making. I beg pardon for taking anyones time, just forgive me and keep the lardpindraggin person away and I swear I will do better in the future.
     
  13. WildHoney

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    LordP,

    We have a sexual relationship with involves others, I totally understand the primal sexual needs of men ( and women ) , however I MARRIED a man who was willing to share me sexually with others and I him.

    If you are MARRIED to a women who is under the understanding you will be faithful to her, and you fuck around, it is betrayal.

    If my husband were to see a woman without me knowing about it, it would be a betrayal of our trust, it would signify to me he was wiling to risk what we have.

    I think it is simple and I think it is important , I also think it is easy to do when you don't want to risk what you have. Men are not apes, they have a stop button.

    If you want a different life than the one you are leading now , work on having it. Fucking around is a band aid on a bleeding relationship.

    :smile:
    Honey
     
  14. WildHoney

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    Marvin.....you thought your topic would bring horny responses???? I re read it thinking I missed something, but it still reads like a Dr Phil wanting topic :tongue:

    :smile:
    Honey
     
  15. Lordpendragon

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    The thing is though that just as you are happy (both) for agreed non exclusivity, I am sure that we all know people who are happy for their partners to seek sexual fulfillment elsewhere for a variety of reasons - including, acceptance that they need something else, and that you want all the other things from the relationship but not the sex without knowing the details. I have a friend who is glad that her husband goes elsewhere, she doesn't want to know the details, she is just glad that he doesn't come to her for it.
     
  16. Lordpendragon

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    Just put me on your ignore Marvin, if I upset you so much.

    I don't know how you expected a thread about trying to recover a marriage to be horny??

    Equally it is the custom of this site for all to participate - you can report people if you don't like what they are saying.

    Incidentally your OP talked about men's reaction to an unfaithful partner as well. Go figure.
     
  17. WildHoney

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    Lord, totally I know of couples like that too. I think the key word is consent.

    :smile:

    Honey

    AKA Dr Phil
     
  18. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    May be harsh but if a guy is willing to fuck around on me then he can just fuck off .. I dont get into relationships for the games or someone elses diseases.

    And once you are betrayed like that i doubt anyone can truely forgive or forget, there must always be that suspision in the back of your mind
     
  19. lacuna22

    lacuna22 New Member

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    anyone who likes to fuck around but marries a monogamous partner is an idiot. that's not at all what i meant. of course honesty and loyalty are critical to any successful relationship. and no, it's not too simple a request to be faithful if that was the agreement going in.

    but if you think it's as simple as 'work it out until you're out of options' then i guess we just disagree on the human condition.

    at some point, people who enter into a loving, monogamous marriage can find themselves unfulfilled or tempted in some way that causes a betrayal. it's not premeditated, they usually don't think of it that way even after it's happened. it's messy, unpredictable and often uncontrollable - like most of life. you may call it weak-willed, but i call it human. doesn't mean it's right, and doesn't mean someone shouldn't take responsibility. but anyone who thinks it can't happen to them is in denial.

    it's ironic to me that you'd take this position while in an open marriage. some would say the whole concept of sexual fidelity in a marriage is because the line between emotional love and physical sexuality is too blurry for us mere mortals to manage. i hope i don't sound like i'm judging – i think open marriage is a concept worth exploring for some. but i think you are judging when you say fidelity is as simple as being strong-willed.
     
  20. Lordpendragon

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    Tacit consent also perhaps?

    I have seen relationships recover after infidelity. The infidelity acted as a catalyst for them to understand that their relationship had been let go and they realised that they wanted it back.
     
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