Self Esteem, confidence and Sex

Discussion in 'Sex With a Large Penis' started by TWZR21, Jul 7, 2010.

  1. TWZR21

    TWZR21 New Member

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    Random curiosity about other people and experiences with this...

    There has been much correlation with sexuality and self esteem based on a persons performance. I am curious, has anyone ever suffered low self-esteem and then gained it after being told their performance in bed was good by multiple partners? Or perhaps have had a boost of self-esteem simply because they knew they could have sex with anyone they wanted to? I am just curious to see where self-esteem roots from when it comes to sex. I am eager to hear other peoples views on this. Even if its the opposite...has anyone ever suffered low self-esteem because they were told they were no good, or because they were unable to have sex with people they desired? How id confidence play a role in your sex life?

    Thanks in advance!
     
  2. Corius

    Corius New Member

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    My teen lover and I knew that we could please each other sexually and we took the time in the afterglow of our sessions to express what we felft about what we had just experienced.

    But he was away in Montana the next summer and we were free to pay attention to the girls. The girl who paid attention to me was my lifelong pal, the girl next door. I was special to her as I was born on her fifth birthday and she was an only child while i entered the world having nine brothers and sisters. I had just turned sixteen and she devoted her summer to acquainting me with the female body and welcoming me to the sweetness of intimate sexual communion with herself. She was a wonderful teacher and I was a very enthusiastic ses partner and felt very competent at summer's end. I learned what it takes to please a lady.

    But when my teen partner returned and my dear lady friend was back at college I was happy to continue learning by doing with my boy friend. My second and third male partners were both new to sex when I met them. I may have helped them to a level of self-confidence, but with each of them I felt I was the learner too at the end of our relationships. And, yes, I told them often what great partners in sex they were and I never forgot to point out that I also thought they were wonderful guys apart from the fantastic sex we had.

    For me the key in this is the importance of the loving relationship to the developing sexual relationship.
     
  3. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    For me self esteem and sexuality/performance in bed are definitely linked.

    When I was in my late teens/early twenties I had a number of FBs. They all used to tell me how good I was, particularly at BJs. Apparently the thing they liked best was my enthusiasm - I have a terribly high sex drive and am multi-orgasmic. Anyway, I used to walk around feeling pretty good about myself.

    Then I ended up in a LTR where my partner had an extremely low sex drive. He didn't even like BJs which were the thing I was best at. My self esteem dropped like a stone. I then ended up with depression (for reasons other than this) and felt like his inability to enjoy sex was all my fault. It wasn't, it was apparently an ongoing problem, but depression does funny things to your brain.

    When the ex and I broke up you would think I would go rushing out to get sex again. But I didn't. The years of depression and having someone reject me time after time had left my self esteem in tatters. I had also put on a lot of weight, and figured that no one wants to fuck fat chicks. During this period I did see an old FB a few times. He said I was as good as I used to be but I didn't really believe him.

    After several years of feeling like this I woke up one morning deciding it was time I got some metaphorical balls. I contacted a different FB who I hadn't seen for years. Eventually we had sex (well, we had no condoms so it was everything but) and his response to me lifted my self esteem massively. I haven't seen him in person since then (practical factors) but every phone call we have is all about how much we want each other with a lot of phone sex thrown in as well. I've also seen the first FB again and had a great time.

    So now my self esteem is well on it's way to being its normal self again. It's a little embarrassing that my self esteem is so intricately linked to sex, but that's the way it is.
     
  4. Gecko4lif

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    You still "fat"?
     
  5. Gecko4lif

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    Maybe you didnt see the question mark there
     
  6. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    I think his point is that after a post that long, all you can see is the word fat. My post was about a whole lot more than weight issues. It's also just not polite to focus on a woman's weight. Especially if they've talked about having self esteem issues.

    Mister_1973, I've nominated you as a perfect gentlemen over in Women's Issues :smile:.
     
  7. Gecko4lif

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    No i read and comprehended the story but that was just a loose end i wanted closure on.

    I dont know if your fat or not I havent seen you and dont care enough to ask for a picture. Im just wondering if you still think your fat or not, which would indeed be linked to your self image and confidence vs reality.
     
  8. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    Now that's actually a fair reason to ask about weight. Why didn't you say that in the first place?

    I've lost a fair bit, but I'm still a bit overweight. It was actually the idea of recontacting my FB that made me stick to a diet for once (I usually give up when the kilos don't drop fast enough). So even my weight loss has been motivated by sex. I knew that my weight wouldn't matter to either of the FBs I mentioned so I think the idea of getting sex and the fact that I was feeling better about myself were the driving factors in actually succeeding for once.
     
  9. HiddenLacey

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    Ugh, I have been there I'm still there to a certain extent. I definitely gained some weight and became more and more selfconcious. I had gotten up around 165-170pds and for 5'7 that is too chunky. I can't blame my SO for it. I can only blame myself, for letting things that where said to me affect the way I felt about myself as a woman. I am still struggling with it. I probably always will. Dealing with someone with a lower sex drive than yourself can make you start to question yourself. I'm still definitely struggling on the road to the rest of my life, I am back to a respectable weight at 147 today, but I'm still not happy with that. Honestly the thought of leaving has crossed my mind, but the thought of taking my clothes off to have sex with someone else freezes me in my tracks. :rolleyes: Stupid girl emotions!
     
  10. Gecko4lif

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    Im an enigma

    Hmmm. Interesting
     
  11. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    I so get this! Even with the guys who I know aren't concerned about my weight, it gets me all nervous. Definitely stupid girl emotions :smile:. Funny enough, their acceptance of me as I am makes me want to lose the rest even more though.
     
  12. HiddenLacey

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    There is only one thing I wish I could correct that no amount of exercise or diet could correct about my body. I'm sure you know what that is:wink:

    Other than that I'm pretty happy with myself. Just my belly is soft. Not gross but soft. I want abs...lol yes thats a joke because I workout everyday, my abs are throughly hidden under a fine layer:rolleyes: I can flex them but I only have the little lines on my sides:frown1: no 6pk for me...

    So the weight thing doesn't bother me its the other.
     
  13. Gecko4lif

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    Yum. I approve
     
  14. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    Don't think that's gonna change for either of us honey :smile:.
     
  15. HiddenLacey

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    You, are so silly:tongue: But I like you that way!

    Yeah, I know. Going under the knife would be terrifying, but one day it'll happen.
     
  16. TomCat84

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    I used to kind of get a self esteem boost out of sex. Guys would compliment me on my dick sucking skills...or how tight my ass is...and Id be doing this all day :biggrin1:
     
  17. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    Probably for me too. Mum's actually offered to pay for it for me. I just have to decide if I really, really want to do it.
     
  18. HiddenLacey

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    Yep! I'm right there. One day I want to do it the next I don't. I've already made enough snap decisions to last a life time. They aren't going anywhere:rolleyes: so I can take my time and decide!

    It definitely changes how I feel about myself in terms of sex though!
     
  19. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    Well, you said it affects your sexual self esteem so we're on topic at least :smile:. I really recommend a book called 'When Less Is More' by Bethane Snodgrass. It talks about the physical and emotional aspects of doing the surgery or not.

    I'm lucky in a way. One of my FBs absolutely loves mine to pieces. He's very much a boob man so when I'm with him they feel like an asset rather than a negative.
     
  20. HiddenLacey

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    Interesting I shall check it out. I'm going to be honest though I normally only read trash:tongue: See that's whats wrong! If I would have found a boob man instead of an ass man I would be rocking it:cool: I'm always on topic WHAT are you hinting at woman:biggrin1:
     
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