Self esteem issues

Discussion in 'New Member Introductions' started by CarolinaLiar, Jun 29, 2007.

  1. CarolinaLiar

    CarolinaLiar Member

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    Hey guys, I'm an average sized guy 6.25x5 and I have been dating my current gf for about 8 months. Early on in our relationship (after we had sex and had seen each other naked several times) she asked me if I liked my penis. I thought the question was a bit odd but I answered her that I did, and our discussion eventually ended in me knowing the size of her three former partners (8.25, 8, and 7.5) respectively. During the conversation her non-verbal cues seemed to indicate that she thought that my penis size was below average.

    Anyways, this really hit me in a bad way. It's not that I have ever thought about my penis size in a negative way before. I have had two former sexual partners and both had had guys that were bigger than I am, but they seemed to know that my size was pretty typical. She, on the other hand, seems to have only had experience with penises larger than or equal to 7.5 inches.

    I can't seem to get over the fact that in her mind I am below average in size. It has affected me to the point of giving me erectile dysfunction and causing me nausea and lost sleep. I feel like I'm a moron for letting this get to me, but I just have such a problem with the idea of being less than a real man in her eyes.

    I have always been a people pleaser and I do my best in the bedroom. She has told me on several occasions about how good our sex life is. I never ask her, but she will sometimes say that a certain bout of sex “was [her] favorite sex ever.” She never talks about my performance directly, but she will often talk about how great our sexual chemistry is. But no matter what she’s ever said on a positive note about our sex life, all I can focus on is those big dicks she’s had before mine. Like I said, it wouldn’t bother me if she had seen other penises close to my size before, but she hasn’t.

    It’s not that I need someone to tell me that I’m an ok size or anything, but I just needed to tell someone or some group of people about my emotional problems surrounding this issue. It’s not something I can talk about openly with anyone else. I’m the type of guy who has been given great gifts in many other areas of my life, and the fact that genetics and environment skipped that department seems all the more awful when compared to everything else. I have even wished that I could give up some of my brainpower in exchange for some extra inches. I’m truly a nutcase.
     
  2. crescendo69

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    I usually got hurt inside for a while when a partner would compare me to others that way. I hope you can get over a slightly brash statement and realize that she obviously likes you and the sex you have together. Just remember, she is no longer with those other guys, is she?
     
  3. b.c.

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    You're not a nutcase. Your fears and anxiety over this are natural (even for "larger" guys believe it or not) albeit they are, perhaps, overblown in your mind... at least moreso than they are in hers.

    Remember this: no matter how large you are, there's always someone larger. The primary question is do you satisfy her and is she satisfied with you?

    A hint to the answer to that question is in what you wrote. You said her comments (about the larger guys) were early on in your relationship (about 8 months ago), and that since she has said that your sex life is good, a "bout of sex" would be her best ever, and she's satisfied with your sexual chemistry. Unless you don't believe her, this is all great news.

    Be happy with the chemistry (the relationship) you two have with each other. If you stay together for a VERY long time, that relationship will count (in your older years) for more than this other stuff you are preoccupied with now.

    But if you dwell on this, it could affect your performance and ultimately your relationship.

    My 2 cents... for whatever it's worth.
     
  4. JamieBoy

    JamieBoy New Member

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    Just tell her : You know, you're not too bad at giving a BJ - but if you really tried, you could be quite good..." Then sit back and wait for the fireworks!!!!

    No-one likes to be criticised implicitly or explicitly - we all need to be affirmed. You are at the upper end of the "average range" - just imagine how you would feel if you were only 4"?

    I guess (one) of the keys to life is being able to accept yourself as a worth-while and valuable person. You are that and much more... YOU are not your dick - it is just a part of you - (admittedly for some men a huge part and for others just a huge mental constraint).

    Once had a girlfriend who said "Dick size seems only important in comparison to other men". Boys and their toys? If she only loves you because of your dick size - is she really worth it?
     
  5. tripod

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    Did she actually measure them with her own hand? We all know that size is subjective... one person's eight inches is another person's seven. Most penises exist in the 5 to 7 inch range. A 7 inch penis on a man with low bodyfat and strong sexual energy can seem like 8 to some women... if he tells them that he is 8 inches, they will believe him. 8.25 inches? Give me a fucking break... ask any of the girls on this forum if they count cocks in quarter inch increments... she is just repeating the measurements that these guys told her that they are, and that 8.25 is most likely a 7.25 or 7.5. I see that you have measured your penis at 6.25 inches... there you go again with the quarter inch measurements... so you BOTH believe that a quarter inch in length makes a difference in the way it would feel in a vagina? That is ludicrous...

    You have a 6 inch penis... what are you whining about? What would you do if you had a 4 inch penis? The only women that would leave a man they love with 6 inches for an 8 incher are cock hounds and are messed up in the head and need to get their priorities straight. Why don't you try penile enlargement? Get enough girth to make her sit up and take notice of your 6 inch penis, or deal with what you have and make the best of it. Either way, it's all good... unless you have some kind of a size queen on your hands and those are actually quite rare in the real world and you would be better off with a nice, normal girl. Good luck compadre!!!!
     
    #5 tripod, Jun 29, 2007
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 12, 2013
  6. bendigoboi

    bendigoboi New Member

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    Depending on how open the both of you are to new experiences, a summertime visit to a clothing optional / nude beach might also be a bit of an eye-opener for you both, allowing both you and your gf the opportunity to see the vast range "endowments" out there, and for her to realise that she has done very well for herself!
     
  7. D_Ken_Dahl

    D_Ken_Dahl New Member

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    You're getting some awesome post here! Personally i like the one of tripod :wink:
     
  8. ganja4me

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    I agree, tripod and b.c. made very good points.
     
  9. DC_DEEP

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    This is a key here, I think. She had her first partner; her next partner was .75 inch smaller, her next was .5 inch smaller than the previous, and now you are 1.25 inches smaller than the previous.

    Regardless of your preconceived notions, she has consistently gone for progressively smaller-endowed guys, and is now telling you that your sex is best. It seems that you may have found one of those women who does NOT like giant cocks - they aren't all that rare.

    Perhaps a better phrase than "size matters" would be "size does have importance - somewhere between too small and too large is best."
     
    #9 DC_DEEP, Jun 29, 2007
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 12, 2013
  10. monstro

    monstro New Member

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    The way I feel about it is that there's one big difference between you and those other guys. They are no longer with her, but you are.

    So I wonder, while reading this post, if you really want to be with her? If the answer is no, then by all means use other men's cock size as an excuse to move on. But if the answer is yes, you want to stay in the relationship, then talk to her about this. You're obviously an articulate, intelligent man who is in touch with his emotions, so I'm sure you'll be able to convey to her what's going on. Don't keep this a secret or it'll just fester and end up driving a wedge between the two of you.

    Good luck and keep us updated on your progress!
     
  11. D_Aston Asstonne

    D_Aston Asstonne Account Disabled

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    my thoughts exactly.well put tripod!
     
  12. Big Del

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    Welcome man, you are biggerthan average so take heart
     
  13. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    I'm skeptical that your girlfriend has had three large boyfriends, quake. The odds against it are astronomical.

    You're on the high side of average and you're probably closer to the sizes that she has actually experienced than she's willing to admit. You have nothing to worry about.
     
  14. D_Bob_Crotchitch

    D_Bob_Crotchitch New Member

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    *APPLAUSE* Once again, Pecker is the voice of reason. Personally, I wonder why she would act like that in the first place. She may have been in a jerk mood and did it out of hatefulness. You could have replied that you could tell she'd been with big guys. It felt like you were doing it out the window. Of course you could have asked if she liked her butt. You could have said most of the women you've been with had smaller rounder butts. OOOOO The war would have started right there.
     
  15. Boobalaa

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    From my aspect on the situation, I sense your gf projecting her issues onto you..A great comeback line i've always used and has gotten laughs is.."I bet that's what you ask all your boyfriends..and by the way, You have the greatest body I've ever seen or even dreamed about"..good luck
     
  16. pokerportal

    pokerportal New Member

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    There is your answer right there.
     
    #16 pokerportal, Jun 29, 2007
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 12, 2013
  17. happydaze53

    happydaze53 New Member

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    Hmmmm I too have had this from an ex gf she kept calling me weeny peni and told me I was the smallest she had ever had. She also told me that I was half the size of previous boyfriends and I got 6.5" x 4.5"

    She also called me weeny peni in front of her two daughters who were 17 and 20 at the time so as you can understand I was very embarrassed by that
     
  18. hockeyguy741

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    if the sex is good then whats the problem....how would she like it if you constantly compared her body to other women........
     
  19. B_josh762

    B_josh762 New Member

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    I agree with pecker. The chances of her having three large cock previous to yours is not likely. Personally I would have told her as soon as she was finished that my last three gf's were a lot tighter than she was but that it really didn't me. You would be surprised at her reaction. Women don't handle poor self esteem as well as men.

     
  20. LittleDude

    LittleDude Member

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    I know that me being smaller doesn't make you any bigger, but you are way bigger than me, so in my eyes you've got a LOT to be happy about. If she doesn't appreciate it, find someone who does.
     
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