Self Worth

Discussion in 'New Member Introductions' started by Imported, Oct 12, 2003.

  1. Imported

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    Inwood: How do you define your self worth? In various responses posters have touched on this subject in their answers to other questions. A lot of posters seem to tie self worth up with the size of their penis. NOT ALL, by any means, but a good number seem to base their feeling good about themselves on that particular statistic (being "proud" about something over which they had no control).

    From various responses I would say most of the people who regularly post have a lot of other things that would define who they are better then the appendage between their legs. I don't know if this is the best way but what percentage of your feelings about yourself depend on the size of your cock? Also what else about you do you feel defines who your are?
     
  2. Imported

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    rainfletcher: What's really hard for me, is that there are other things which should make me feel good about myself, but it's hard to put all of that in perspective.

    I am very succesfull in my career, above average intelligence (but on the low end on this board, I fear), reasonably easy to get along with, used to be a very talented musician, reasonably athletic etc. etc.

    But I have had the hardest time getting over feelings of inadequacy because of my dick. I actually doubly screwed. For years, I always felt like I was grotesque because of a few insensitive early reactions. On the other hand, I feel like I could be bigger (don't laugh) because of the way my girlfriend talked about and felt about her ex boyfriend.

    So, no matter what I do in my life otherwise, I can't help but feel bad about myself. I think as I age, my perspective will get a little bit more reasonable. For now, though...my penis is a huge, enormous part of my self esteem ( ;D, get it??? ;D), and it should be a lot better.

    So, to answer your question, my feelings are not based on the SIZE of my dick, but THEY ARE based on how I feel about my dick. And, despite my size, my feelings aren't that positive...:(
     
  3. B_DoubleMeatWhopper

    B_DoubleMeatWhopper New Member

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    In my formative years, I grew up in a particularly well-endowed family. The only penes I saw never gave me a clue that mine was larger than average. I learned to take pride in accomplishments and acquired skills rather than something over which I had no control. I am glad that my cock is bigger than most, but it is not a source of pride or self-esteem. I have enough pride concerning things I worked hard to achieve. A big cock is just a boner ... uh, I mean, bonus.
     
  4. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    I grew up in a very large, but very poor farming family and all my clothes had either been hand-made by my mother or, more likely, handed down from cousins. Many of the clothes I wore (mostly bib-overalls - no underwear, no shirt, no socks, no shoes) had been patched and repaired until the fabric had no more room for stitching until I either outgrew them or they were discarded.

    Shoes were the problem. They usually consisted of old workboots that had formed to so many feet before mine, that they could do little to protect my feet from the winter weather. Ah, winter! That's when I had to wear a shirt and socks with my overalls, and that old denim work coat that was too small even last year.

    Feeling sorry for me yet? Well, don't. The one time I got pensive enough to compare my clothes against what some others wore to school, my grandfather (God bless him) told me that any man can be successful if he gets everything he wants growing up, but for a poor man to make it, he must develop a pride of the men who walked before him: that is, those men who wore my clothes from the time they were new to the time they reached me. In my case, many times, that could be three or four, counting me.

    So I started paying attention to what I was wearing. Boots worn by an uncle I admired when he wore them in the fields of cotton and corn, who then gave them to his oldest son, whose mother gave them to me when he outgrew them. These were the two men who had come in the middle of the night to help us save that cow whose calf had gotten all turned around in the birth canal. The calf, for all it's hours-long struggles to see its new world, was finally, mercifully, stillborn, but the old cow continued to serve milk to our breakfast table for many more years. Those old coveralls and flannel shirts? From cousins who were like brothers to me, whom I loved - and they loved me.

    What this is all about is, it's made me pay attention to what people are worth. It's made me look for the positive in negative situations. And it's made me empathetic to others' needs and feelings.

    Now when I see a poor child, dressed in thrift-shop mismatches or well-worn hand-me-downs, I see a kid who's going be a good man or woman if he or she just refuses to feel self pity and looks instead for the good in those who came before them.

    Pecker
     
  5. Imported

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    norseman: Yo, Pecker,

    I think that's the coolest thing you've ever written (and you've written a lot of good stuff). Thanks for sharing.

    Norse
     
  6. Imported

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    wvalady1968: Yes, it is. Wonderful. Thanks.
     
  7. Imported

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    da_blissmachine: Being hung is nice....... but not all I am
     
  8. Imported

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    Tender: Pecker,
    that WAS cool,
    reminds me alot of where i come from....

    Tender
     
  9. B_DoubleMeatWhopper

    B_DoubleMeatWhopper New Member

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    Peckster,
    I've seen humour in your posts, and I've read advice and concern in your posts, but I just found out what beautiful prose you produce when you wax philosophical. Thanks for sharing that with us, my friend! ;)
     
  10. Imported

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    Inwood: Wow...I guess I didn't expect quite such serious answers. Not complaining though.

    I would have to say Pecker, if you don't mind me using your "Christian Name," that it would be really neat to sit at your knee and talk with you about your life. (Of course, in this group, that might qualify as a come on to some extent. ;D) You sound like you had a life similar to the life my dad had growing up in the Depression. I know it was probably hard but the way all of my Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles talked about those times you wouldn't think it was so bad.

    So I'm sure despite the difficulties you may have faced while growing up you probably have a huge cache of memories (funny stories) of your childhood and that's why I think it would be neat to talk with you face to face and trade some family tales (like when granddad tried to teach grandma how to drive :D).

    For me my dick size is what it is. I don't think it ever has played a part in how I see myself. (Anyway, I'm happy for the guys who got big ones and, Lord knows, they seem to have been raised right since they've all been more then happy to share.) My sense of self worth seems to come from the love that my parents and our family had for me. No matter what, I know there are people who believe in me and think I can do anything I set my mind to doing.

    I do have some issues about my looks but they are based on how I saw myself as a teenager and those horrible school pictures that we were saddled with. Talk about bad hair. (Luckily I don't have any hair to worry about now.)

    Thanks to the posters who have given such thoughtful answers.
     
  11. Imported

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    H8Monga: Self worth?

    I'm gonna search ebay and see if someone is selling any.

    Despite my landing here, my size matter is/was only the icing on the cake. I realize I have a lot going for me and people like being ariound me and so-forth. My family loves me and everyone sees the best in me I can't see. But I guess I can get a little hung up on what I think are imperfections. However, if only people would make up their minds and stop playing favorites and treat everyone the same with equal opportunity, respect, etc, things would be fine.

    People here tell me I'm more than what I have or not, which is true, but there is also comfort in knowing for sure you're covered. But one of my biggest fears is all will be overlooked all because of that one thing. Everyone has that one thing and it sticks out in our minds like amputated limbs. Despite being perfect in almost every other regard, one thing can derail it all... rejection for the most minor thing... like tossing an apple away because the stim is missing. It's still good! But I want to be all and the best, but I fall short of this perfection and I have to either ignore it (and hope the other IF there is one can too) and/or make up for it.

    By the way, anyone know much self worth is worth?
     
  12. Imported

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    headbang8: [quote author=Rain link=board=meetgreet;num=1065978028;start=0#1 date=10/12/03 at 11:13:04]

    So, no matter what I do in my life otherwise, I can't help but feel bad about myself.  I think as I age, my perspective will get a little bit more reasonable.  ... And, despite my size, my feelings aren't that positive...:([/quote]
    I struggle with this, too, Rain.  I've put in years of work on the problem.  At 46, I haven't yet fixed it.  But I'll share what I've learned from shrinks, gurus, wise friends and my own experience.

    Fact: You learn self-worth as a child, from your experience of being loved.  

    Kids are quick to pick up any holes in the blanket of love that should surround them.  

    Tell me, Rain, what kind of family life did you have as you grew up?  Was it supportive, or critical?  Did you feel you could count on your parents' love and respect no matter what you did?   Were moments of praise and affection drowned out by a chorus of discipline or rebuke?  Did you feel a bit on edge as a child, not quite knowing what you needed to do to ensure your parents approval?  Just as bad, did you know exactly what you had to do, and know equally that if you didn't do it you'd be persona non grata?  Were they drunk?  Did they have personal problems they had to solve before they could get around to you?  Or maybe you sensed they simply didn't care.  

    Any of those are textbook recipies for adults with our kind of problem.  We look to our jobs, our bank balances, our IQs, even our dicks to convince us that we're worth something.  It never helps.  As Hapi says, any imperfection derails us, and we start at the bottom again.  

    Pecker is a lucky man.  Every worn pair of shoes told him, loud and clear, that he belonged.   Lots of parents destroy that confidence in their kids.  

    He also cautions us that we can destroy it in our own heart though self-pity.  Beating the demon takes constant work.  And I find the work doesn't get any easier as I get older.

    Most self-help books on self-esteem get mired in self-pity (forgive the clumsy sentence!).  Here's one that doesn't. I Don't Want to Talk About It by Terence Real.

    http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/t...002-1949436-7658457?v=glance&s=books&n=507846

    If your family was really screwed up (like mine was) you might wish to check out the ACoA groups in your area.   I attend a local group here in Tokyo, which I find immensely helpful; I learn a lot from their fellowship and strength of character.   Our website address is www.acatokyo.org, and it has a link to the US-based international site (sorry...I'm afraid I can't remember the global URL off the top of my head.  The info is the same everywhere, though.)  

    The text will sound a bit preachy, but even if only one or two snippets ring true, you might find a visit helpful.  And don't worry about the religious tone: I'm an agnostic and fit in quite happily.

    Or, you can print out the collected works of Pecker and keep them on your nightstand.  He's a wise man.
     
  13. Imported

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    47boreas: Deleted
     
  14. Imported

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    47boreas: Psychiatrist Ben Furman has written a book: "NEVER TOO LATE TO HAVE A HAPPY CHILDHOOD: From Adversity to Resiliency"
    BT-press, London 1998.

    I have not yet read that book, but I am going to do it. I know that Ben Furman is authoritative and so I can recommend it to everybody.

    Boreas
     
  15. Imported

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    Tender: Tell me, Rain, what kind of family life did you have as you grew up? Was it supportive, or critical? Did you feel you could count on your parents' love and respect no matter what you did? Were moments of praise and affection drowned out by a chorus of discipline or rebuke? Did you feel a bit on edge as a child, not quite knowing what you needed to do to ensure your parents approval? Just as bad, did you know exactly what you had to do, and know equally that if you didn't do it you'd be persona non grata? Were they drunk? Or maybe you sensed they simply didn't care....

    ***********************************

    i think this thread has perhaps taken a little different tone than when it started out....

    but i can relate pretty strongly to this here.
    i grew up in a religious home.
    not a christian home.
    if you understand the difference there.....
    critical to the max.
    i would have rather been physically abused i beleive than the verbal or emotional. not sure thats a hard call...
    but basically i never did anything right, and most women cant anyway,,, and the whole nine yards.........
    i pretty much felt i was only 'loved' when i responded the way i was 'supposed' to.
    the trouble is i find myself so much like that with my girls. very impatient, quick and hot tempered sometimes.
    i have gotten much better though as i have a consious effort of working on it. i do not want to be like my father, and certainly do not want my girls to be raised as i was. raised to follow rules.
    the good thing as i see it, is i know this about myself.
    my father still hasnt figured out that no one can stand him lol
    well you know, he IS always right ;)
    anyway, yeah i do think most of the thoughts we have about ourselves are built when we are young. and unfortunately molded by others when we are too young to realize...

    Tender
     
  16. MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

    MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK Well-Known Member

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    We all have things that define our self worth. Up till about 5 years ago, I wasn't a high school graduate, but I fought back, and got my GED, and currently trying to enroll into the local County College.

    To the point of penile size and self worth, well I guess that's all perspective and timing. I wasn't a bookworm, but then again, I wasn't the star athlete either, in academic/athletic status. No, it took a little time to make the girls realize just who I was,(Yeah, and for that matter what I had! :D) and I'm proud to say I still count them as friends, even if I don't see them as often as I'd like.
     
  17. Imported

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    norseman: Interesting thread...

    I had the advantages of a supportive family and comfortable circumstances while growing up. Although the sibling rivalry was intense at times (is it possible to raise three opposite children ?) My talents and strengths were encouraged and I came to regard my self worth as a product of my intelligence and my talents. For me my big dick has always been my "secret weapon". It's a real ego boost to know that in addition to the other things that I can "bring to the table", I've got this oversized icon of maleness hanging between my legs.

    I'm a lucky guy and I know it.

    Norse
     
  18. Imported

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    ORCABOMBER: Pecker, you're the wisest man here methinks. :)

    Okay, in response to Inwood, I think my attitude is best defined as "high confidence/low self esteem".

    I don't want to really go into childhood ideas, they were awkward, using polite language.

    I've always been a slow emotional developer and it is an effort for me to adapt to social situations, I think I've mentioned that in another thread, but I'm aware of it, so I can control it. My genital size is a happy bonus and I'm NEVER ashamed of it, not with you guys and a lot of you are far bigger, altough I'm getting a strong urge to down one of you! ::)

    But seriously, I feel like I'm the only person who's proud of my acheivements, it's why I tend to sometimes 'big up' my achievements, to the point of being boastful at times, I think I need someone who just can say 'well done' occasionally.

    Sexually, well I'm very proud of my maturity, I don't particularly like when I'm in my "bi-monthly cycle" and want to shag everything that moves. It upsets me pretty badly to feel that way, because if I let it through I know I'll have betrayed myself. I'm not into casual sex, my morals are higher than that, so my mind and my dick are not in agreement on that point.

    Personally though, I don't feel ashamed of myself, but I do have a lot of traits, physically and emotionally that seem to be 'out of fashion', like honesty, loyalty, devotion, friendship, the ability to love and care. I mean, even physically, I'll never be a msucle bound person and I don't want to. I thrive on pushing myself further and further and I enjoy the challenge of "knocking myself out" with endurance walks and weight training, but that doesn't mean that I'm completely happy with the way that people see me.

    Maybe I'm in a whole city full of dickheads, but I'm half-carribean asian/African Carribean, and altough apparently people like me (physiologically) exist, I tend to feel that I'm the only black guy with a very hairy cheast and back (etc, the works, I mean, who said they like hairy men?) and head hair like Dee's, not to mention that those traits aren't "in fashion" at this moment.

    Fung this, to summarise, I like myself, if anyone doesn't, they can do themselves a favour and kill themselves, and wherever my sweetheart is.. MAKE YOURSELF KNOWN, DAMMIT! :D

    God, I have to go drinking with some of you guys.
     
  19. jay_too

    jay_too New Member

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    WOW....thanks Pecker for sharing. This made my day.

    jay
     
  20. Imported

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    joe22xxx: I come from a real supportive family, and their definition of self-worth is based on something they call integrity. So I've adopted a similar view of it. Integrity means that I'm true to myself, that I don't lie to myself or to others about who I am, and that I act in a way that is in line with my belief system. This view of integrity lets people use any moral or behavior code to live by. It only asks us to be true to that code. So my integrity is at the base of my self-worth. Having a big dick is cool for self-confidence, but my dick doesn't have to answer for my behavior. Just I do. :)
     
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