Kotchanski said:
To the "Does selfsucking make you gay?" question all I have to say is...
I brush my hair, doesn't mean I want to be a hairdresser
From Mitchell Symons
Why Girls Can't Throw, titled
If you were supple enough to give yourself a blow job, would that make you gay?:
"I went to school with a fellow whom I shall call Paul - for the simple reason that that's his name. He wasn't a very athletic chap. In fact, it's probably true to say that he was a bit of a slob. However, he was an inveterate wanker. So much so, he was elected 'Class Wanker' (In my Minor Public School, such a title was eagerly contested) three years running. But this wasn't enough for Paul: he wanted more. His idea of Shangri-La was autofellatio. In other words, his ambition was to give himself a blow job. So he stopped eating junk food and started doing exercise. Indeed, he became so athletic that PE became his best subject ('I can't think why Paul has become so passionate about PE,' ran one of his reports, 'but I hope he can keep it up'). Which is what Paul was hoping, too.
I lost contact with Paul but, thanks to Friends Reunited, we got together again a couple of months ago. He hadn't changed much - less hair, more gut - and it wasn't long before I was reminding him, in the way that old friends do, about his ambition. Had it ever worked? After he'd stopped laughing, he shook his head. 'Alas, no. I nearly managed it but not quite. Either I wasn't supple enough or, perish the thought, my dick wasn't long enough.'
Wasn't there some rock star who'd had a rib removed just so he could achieve what Paul had so nearly acheved through exercise? He didn't know but anyway thought it sounded a bit drastic.
As it happens, I'd received this question only a few days before meeting up with Paul and so, even though he'd failed to accomplish the feat himself, I couldn't think of anyone better qualified to ask.
He giggled and then thought about it with the kind of ferocious intellectualism that intelligent men will devote to trivial questions. 'No. Sucking your own dick - per se - wouldn't make you gay any more than giving yourself a hand job would. But here's the thing: while you're giving youself a blow job, you must fantasize about some bird sucking you off. If you started to think about another bloke's dick - no matter how briefly - then you'd be heading down the slippery slope to shirtlifting. Not that there's anything wrong with that.'
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Any regrets? 'Yes, I'd have liked to get for free what I'm now obliged to pay fifty quid a shot for.' "