Sensitive Issue - Close to home for me

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by Imported, Feb 16, 2004.

  1. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    Vigilante: I hope this poll doesn't get deleted...IT'S AN IMPORTANT (albeit depressing) SUBJECT
     
  2. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    Vigilante: Whoever voted " I stop it" GO YOU...Michael...who also shares this account sometimes does the same thing...he's like military trained and all that...he's awesome
     
  3. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    Vigilante: I'm probably just talking to myself here but...I would like to talk to those who were molested...just so you know
     
  4. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    wvalady1968: Cathy, I was one of the ones who voted that I never was and know nothing about it first hand. But I'm reading your posts and applaud your goals. I just wanted to let you know that you aren't talking to yourself. A lot of people are reading , too.

    Allie
    :-*
     
  5. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    Vigilante: I wish more people would vote in here...this post is getting lonely
     
  6. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    ORCABOMBER: Yeah, it's a really important but quite depressing subject, I think if you wanted to communicate, some people may prefer to IM you, rather than put it out ona public board.
     
  7. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    curiousboutdicks: I was molested at the age of 4 by a close relative of mines that i was left in the care of for babysitting. He decided to use me as a science experiement. 20 years later there still some residual effects...I don't drink milk unless it mixed into something and made by someone else.... Dunkin Donuts is my friend :D , i hate to see it and worse smell milk...I will get nauseated. And sexually, I'm not frigid because of the experience but my self esteem was greatly affected by it and some other factors.
     
  8. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    grantstephens: I voted Loved someone who was.

    My wife was molested when she was somewhere between 6-9 by her uncle in a room with 4-5 other people (brothers and sisters) sleeping. This happened while my wife was growing up in the Philipines. He rubbed her chest ( ???), and then rub her vagina (no insertion thought) and then another time while he was giving her a bath and told her not to tell anyone which she didn't untill a few years ago - my wife's now 38.

    She's does have some small residual effects from it. Sometimes she'll think about it while we're making love and it prevents her from fully enjoying herself. I can tell by her actions when we're making love when it comes to mind and if we're in "dirty" mode, I'll switch to "tender" mode.
     
  9. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    bkozy54: I was molested by my father & then a music teacher. I have struggled with low self esteem, depression, addiction & many self defeating behaviors (including being an under-acheiver). Even though I know all this, it continues to be so very difficult to change thought & behavior patterns. On the bright side, I have an enormous ability to cope, problem solve, remain calm in a crisis situation & be compassionate.
     
  10. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    bkozy54: I was molested by my father & then a music teacher. I have struggled with low self esteem, depression, addiction & many self defeating behaviors (including being an under-acheiver). Even though I know all this, it continues to be so very difficult to change thought & behavior patterns. On the bright side, I have an enormous ability to cope, problem solve, remain calm in a crisis situation & be compassionate.
     
  11. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    Vigilante: I was in the environment of it...I've seen pretty horrible things gang rape of a few children...strangely I was never molested...I was being "saved" so that I could be sold at a higher price...I cared for the children that were being molested though...I know what it's like...and how even the seemingly lesser cases of molestation are still part of the most horrible thing in the world bar none
     
  12. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    ORCABOMBER: Hey Vig, what country was that in? It sounds too horrible to sound like the West, but I get the feeling, it probably was?
     
  13. jonb

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2002
    Messages:
    8,308
    Likes Received:
    2
  14. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    ORCABOMBER: Jon, that article really does show how disgusting some people can be! Like abuse in a "loose society" is abuse!?

    I see your point.
     
  15. jonb

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2002
    Messages:
    8,308
    Likes Received:
    2
    [quote author=ORCABOMBER link=board=women;num=1076983808;start=0#13 date=03/09/04 at 00:20:31]Jon, that article really does show how disgusting some people can be! Like abuse in a "loose society" is abuse!?

    I see your point.[/quote]
    And what's funny, it isn't so much that Eskimos are any 'looser', just less hypocritical about sex.

    I forwarded it to this one newsgroup I frequent where this guy's always meowing (trolling) about how the West is the only society to disagree with pedophiles. Now he'll have to meet his Reichian bullshit head on. *sigh* Champagne socialists. Go figure.
     
  16. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    ORCABOMBER: Well I hope that idiot gets the messege.

    Some people..
     
  17. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    Vigilante: It was in the northwest of washington...I don't know where I was asleep when I left the place...I think in washington...thats where I live now
     
  18. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    bblumbee: This can be a touchy subject for many, especially the victims of the abuse. No one really ever heals from the ordeal. Some of us become isolated, depressed or completely opposite, we become over achievers... we feel we have to do more in order to be appreciated or acknowledged.

    Personally, and God I cannot believe I am responding to this thread, I think the trauma carries into adulthood and invariably affects relationships, both emotionally and physically. I think I just resolved my issue with relationships... maybe my pickiness is now justified.

    Nonetheless, I do think there should be in place a vein of appropriate counseling to address issues like these. To many times we blame the victim or we simply overlook the issue and stupidly think it will not have any negative bearings on the social development of the child. And, since I am on a soapbox, the therapy they offer now is ludicious. It does not work. Things need to be religiously, socially and culturally appropriate. BREAK THE COOKIE CUTTER MODE!

    I think I've probably shared more than I need to. Nonetheless, I think people clearly appreciate where I am coming from, especially those of us who've lived and continue to live the life of victim.

    bb
     
  19. D_Martin van Burden

    D_Martin van Burden Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2002
    Messages:
    3,365
    Likes Received:
    6
    Don't get me wrong. I'm not defending the therapists out there who aren't fully competent enough to handle issues of any serious abuse -- sexual, emotional, domestic, or what have you. That's the problem. I have noticed in my own program that we encourage people who seek therapy for domestic violence situations to access other specialized resources to take care of the problem. We can't or don't feel comfortable taking those types of issues head on, but in honesty, I think the person on the other end, who's already desperate for help, sees it as being pushed away or being beyond hope.

    That's an ethical dilemma already inherent in the world of therapy. Do we provide help that we're not qualified to give, or do we refer families to people who are more suited to them, but for some reason, may not be available?

    I've been doing some readings lately on child abuse and domestic violence, and you're right. There's no "cookie cutter" way to fix the problem. About the only common thread in all cases of abuse is the importance that the abuser takes responsibility for his/her actions. Therapy can't possibly begin without the abuser acknowledging and accepting the harm brought to the victim and to the family.

    Each abuse case its own histroy, chronology, timing, participation, and context. To get to the abuse requires working through all family members, everyone involved with the victim. It also requires dropping defenses and maintain a calm sense of neutrality about making sense of the family system, though it's incredibly easy to let emotions and reaction get the better of you. (And why not?! That child didn't asked to be molested!)

    So, know that "cookie cutter" abuse treatments don't work. At the same time, understand just how complicated treatment can get and how much complication, depth, and complexity therapists have to sift through in order to make sense of everything.
     
  20. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    Vigilante: I think all child molesters should be castrated... Completely not chemically, It isn't cruel and unusual punishment...because cruel in comparison to their crimes it's just about right...unusual maybe bet it has to be both cruel and unusual to count...Punishment is sometimes my number one concern, punishing them can stop them from doing it, most child molesters on average molest 115 children in thier lives...And this is gonna sound sick but I don't think all Pedophilia is bad because technically it means fondness of children...just a few child molesters calling them selves child LOVErs ruins it...I hardly see how sex is love...
     
Draft saved Draft deleted