Sensitive issue: How to ask for an abortion

[jeff black]

Are you sure Jeff? :smile:

It's a rumour, I know.... I had to risk saying it.:tongue:
* at least someone read my post...*

 

[Lordpendragon]

It's a rumour, I know.... I had to risk saying it.:tongue:
* at least someone read my post...*

Have you and Alex planned any names? :biggrin1:

 

[Lito]

You HAVE discussed the matter before, so it's ok to talk to her about it. Simple as that. Just try to be sensitive. If she changed her mind, there's nothing you can do about the baby, leading you to:

- Accept the situation as it is, in the name of your love for her.
- Divorce (but please be a man and be there fot your child).

Good luck man. Don't be afraid to bring the subject up, but respect her.

 

[BigA]

Methinks the two of you should have talked about what you would do in the event of an unintended pregnancy, long ago.

yeah, shudda, cudda, wudda, whats done is done

When you have sex, you risk getting pregnant.

c'mon, I'm sure we've all had sex at one time or another without thinking about having a child

 

[snoozan]

First, I just watched a friend get an abortion because her partner wanted her to. It ripped her to shreds. In some part of her, she resents him for forcing that decision on her. She then went and got pregnant on purpose less than a year later by the same guy. Every time I look at this couple, I think, wow, that made sense.

If you're going to have kids anyway in a few years, why not just accept this one as an unexpected gift? Once you got married, you pretty much ceded any right to live a "stress-free life." You take on the lfe of another when you say, "I do" and must respect your wife's wishes as much as your own. In this case, more than your own, probably, since she will be the one to carry, birth, and possibly even take care of the child more than half the time.

The part about resenting the child or your wife-- that's your choice. You can choose to look at this any way you want, which is where the resentment would come from. You could also choose to look at is as a blessing.

As I type this, I have a 19 month old crawling around at my feet. At this very second he is using a set of keys as a phone to talk on. I don't think I've gotten a good night's sleep in years. He's also trying to type. He's the most wonderful thing in the universe. When I was pregnant, I got profoundly ill-- I was on bed rest, couldn't work, was in and ot of the hospital. I am still not 100% back to normal, and may never be. Financially, things aren't that great. Added to that, my husband wanted a child more than I did. Am I resentful of my husband or my child? Not at all. I get angry at the world on occasion because most people don't get as sick as I do and have the resultant disasters. But, my family is the one thing in this world that keeps me going no matter what. I can't explain it, but other parents will understand, that the trade-off is so worth it. My life before my son was so empty in comparison. Even if I was a lot healthier, more productive, and had money.

Abortion is not without ramifications, as easy as it may seem compared to raising a child.

 

[joyboytoy79]

Jeffery,

You have several options, but none of them mean life will be the same as it was before your wife got pregnant. Pregnancy changes things, any way you deal with it.

I urge you to be mature. Think not only about how this is changing your life, but how it is changing the life of your wife, too. She deserves at least that.

Next, be HONEST. Talk to your wife about your fears, and really LISTEN to what she has to say about them. Don't cut her off when she's talking, even if she cuts you off. Really taking the effort to listen to her will mean a lot for both of you down the road.

Mostly, don't pressure her into anything. Believe it or not, by carrying this child to term SHE is not pressuring you into anything. You decided to have children the very first time you fucked her...

 

[B_spiker067]

The Mrs. recently found out the she is expecting for the first time and I wanted some advise from everyone here as how to sensitively suggest that she get an abortion without it ruining my marriage?

The advice given here has been absolutely phenomenal; attesting to the rather sound character of many on LPSG.

Personally I've had little things haunt me years later out of the clear blue. Something said, something left unsaid, something done, something left undone (hence this post), will like a bolt out of subconscious thought pierce through and come to the forefront.

Ridiculous stuff. A ridiculous example? Several years ago I proctored an SAT test. I didn't take it seriously. The only reason I did it was because I was asked to. Definitely, not for the money. It went fairly well but I flubbed reading instructions in a couple of places (enough to get some complaints). At the time I just let it all kind of just roll off my back. No big deal. Then like a random thought it comes back and says, hey that was somebody's life you trivialized. But see how stupid it is. I'd guess these people were complaining because they weren't happy with their scores.

I can only imagine what I would feel like if I asked someone to get an abortion let alone if the abortion was actually followed through on. Adoption is probably a great alternative.

Besides consider Pascal's Wager :smile:

 

[Rubenesque]

f

I can only imagine what I would feel like if I asked someone to get an abortion let alone if the abortion was actually followed through on. Adoption is probably a great alternative.

Remember though that he has said his wife is rather keen on the idea of having a baby. Giving away a child you don't want would be hard enough, imagine handing over a baby you do want. I don't think she's going to go for adoption as an option.

 

[invisibleman]

If you really didn't want to have children then it's something you should've
sensitively raised before having sex, then you should've sensitively taken some responsibility with regards to contraception!

Amen to that!

 

[invisibleman]

You know what they say.... if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans lol

An actual conversation between God and Invisibleman:

God: What are your plans, Invisi?
Invisi: I graduated from college in business. I plan to get a job working with a great company who values and respects me as a openly gay individual.
God: Honey, please. With those grades. Hehehe. You didn't get any pussy then. You aren't now. You never will.

Invisi: But, I AM gay. I did fuck a lot guys.
God: And all that fucking you did. You are still fucking single...Hehehe. That's funny.
Invisi: Are you finished?
God: Hehehe. Sorry, I concede to the issue at hand...go forth. Continue...

Invisi: Okay, I want to have a steady boyfriend.
God: Yeah, I remember that. Six years. Steady. I sent that black guy over.
Invisi: Oh, yeah. Thanks alot for that. He is WITH MY FRIGGIN' BF NOW!!!!
(God falls out of the mercy seat with laughter.)
God: Ooh, that was funny. I thought putting together to dissimiliar people such as you and your boyfriend...
Invisi: ...EX BF!!!
God: Yeah. Hehehe. EX BOY FRIEND...Hehehe. Putting you two together...was funny. Jesus and I had Jiffy Pop watching you two go at it with arguments...Now, the EX is fucking another black guy and he's a lot better than you. Hehehe.

Invisi: Yeah, I aim to amuse You. Ha. Ha. Ha.

 

[rob_just_rob]

yeah, shudda, cudda, wudda, whats done is done



c'mon, I'm sure we've all had sex at one time or another without thinking about having a child

The point being that if you don't have the discussion, you run this risk.

In other words, everyone who is reading this, should HAVE THAT DISCUSSION with his/her partner.

(Although it probably isn't quite as crucial for the gay and lesbian readers :wink: )

 

[68306]

Consider how many deaths in parts of the world you don't give a toss about will offset the death of your own unborn child. If you're not gonna raise it, and nobody else is gonna raise it, then just pop the bugger off and there'll be one less sucker for this world to consume

But yeah, though it's a partner thing, the mother holds priority over it's survival.


I can just imagine God weeping

 

[HotBulge]

I am curious what Jeff's thoughts are after the feedback. What developments, if any, have occured, if he's still open to sharing?

 

[D_Cliebert_Chodechoker]

WOW i am so against abortion. Your child doesnt deserve to die bc u wanted to bust a nut, and not acceot responsibility for it. I sincerley hope u change your mind and at the very least have the child. Abortion is sick an very wrong in my eyes.

Life is a miracle and shouldnt be seen as something u can disreguard

 

[jfrsndvs]

if the two of you do consider such an act of killing that unborn baby, it will haunt the both of you for the rest of your lives.

right now, I would say that you are still in total shock of something unexpected, give yourself some time to absorb this life changing event, if neither of you want this child, carry it to term, I will take care of it, just as there are millions who would love to have the opportunity to take in a precious innocent child.

now is the time for you to be a real man and not a mouse, as many have said here, this was a risk that the two of you took from the very first time you had sex, sure plans have changed, but what if you had a accident lost use of your legs, then you plans I am sure would have changed too, there is another life growing inside of your wifes belly, and that seed that started that life came from you, give yourself some time to get over this shock, go to the doctor when they do a sonagram, maybe, just maybe you might wake up to the reality that there is a something in there with a beating heart. if neither of you want this baby because it's inconveinent, then find a family that will actually love it.

 

[68306]

all the little sperms that died to this point
all the little eggies that got cast away

finally, a chance to meet, and you take that away too


It may well haunt you,... if you can see a brighter future for it, you may feel better in the end... otherwise it is just adding one more to the overpopulation. Sure, you may have killed the world's greatest prophet, or whatever, but...

...think of all the other miracles of life you inadvertantly killed by not sending aid to people nobody cares about. Can't? Or just don't give a stuff


I've seen so much of this world, and I must say I feel a better person for it...

 

[Wrat]

It's kind of fun to have kids, and it's never a convenient time to have them. They just show up. If you were disappointed that you didn't have absolute control over every minute of your life, and if you really think that will be a huge issue then I kind of feel sorry for you. Be glad that you are with someone you like. Be glad if they are healthy. Watch them grow up in front of your eyes and become young men and women.
It's probably a whole hell of a lot more satisfying than anything else you've got planned. You couldn't come up with a program as interesting on your own. I promise.

 

[swordfishME]

I am curious what Jeff's thoughts are after the feedback. What developments, if any, have occured, if he's still open to sharing?

I am monitoring the response to my thread and biding my time. I have decided to wait until the weekend to have a conversation with my wife, because I want to reflect on what exactly my position is going to be for a few day.

 

[Peter Pud]

The choice to have a baby or not is made before the fucking starts. You made a baby. Pregnancy and parenthood are SURVIVEABLE FOR ALL. Abortion leaves a person DEAD. NO ABORTION. If you really hate your child enough to kill it you can give it to someone who will love and want a Child.

Peter

 

[Peter Pud]

I am a licenced foster home and would love and care for this child as my own. If you really want to be rid of the is baby I will gladly take it for you. At age 44 the biggest regret in life I have is I only had two children of my own I'll take any child you will give me.

Peter