Sensitive issue: How to ask for an abortion

swordfishME

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I would like to thank everyone for their views and suggestions on the matter. I really appreciate those who stepped in and prevented this thread from becoming a "Your views on abortion thread". The reason I have solicited advise on this board where no one knows me versus friends is because I live in an Islamic country that is completely pro-life and most of our friends tend to be rather judgmental on this issue.

My wife and I both live in the Middle East, although we were both born and raised in the states (she in DC, me in Texas). We can afford to have the kid so there is no financial argument to be made for an abortion. We are both pro-choice and we have previously discussed what to do in case of an unwanted (not sure if she views this one that way) pregnancy, we both were for abortion v/s adoption (it is really scary as to what kinds of people can easily adopt in Asia).

I have thought about this and am going to have a conversation with her tonight. I will respect her POV on the matter but will not allow her to make any unilateral decisions, the baby is 1/2 mine as it were pointed out before. She has sensed that I am not comfortable with the pregnancy and has alluded to the need to hash things out in an open and honest environment, so I am hopeful that whatever decision we come to, it will be in our best interests as a married couple.
 

dolf250

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I just read this and realize that it is probably too late to add anything useful if you have talked to her. If you have not talked to her I would be mindful of a few things. First, despite the fact that the baby is half yours it does not work that way. If you wanted it and she did not it would be gone (at least here in Canada.) If you cannot use that argument to force somebody to keep it then using it to force somebody into a medical procedure to abort their child will be fruitless.

Secondly, I would also keep in mind that regardless of previous conversations where it was a hypothetical things sometimes change when it is a little more concrete. Now that she knows that she is a mother to be she may not be as willing as she was to abort what she may now perceive as “her child.”

Finally, if you push too hard it may bite you in the future. If it si something that she now wants and you pressure her into an abortion she may harbour resentment and blame you despite the fact that she agreed.

The above may not apply, there is the possibility that she does not want a child either or that she knew what she was talking about when she talked about abortion before; but if not you have a real dilemma. On one hand being a father for the rest of your life is probably scary, but tearing up your marriage is also not what you want. You may want to feel out what she is thinking now that she is expecting.

Let us know how it turns out.
 

stretcher74

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I would like to thank everyone for their views and suggestions on the matter. I really appreciate those who stepped in and prevented this thread from becoming a "Your views on abortion thread". The reason I have solicited advise on this board where no one knows me versus friends is because I live in an Islamic country that is completely pro-life and most of our friends tend to be rather judgmental on this issue.

My wife and I both live in the Middle East, although we were both born and raised in the states (she in DC, me in Texas). We can afford to have the kid so there is no financial argument to be made for an abortion. We are both pro-choice and we have previously discussed what to do in case of an unwanted (not sure if she views this one that way) pregnancy, we both were for abortion v/s adoption (it is really scary as to what kinds of people can easily adopt in Asia).

I have thought about this and am going to have a conversation with her tonight. I will respect her POV on the matter but will not allow her to make any unilateral decisions, the baby is 1/2 mine as it were pointed out before. She has sensed that I am not comfortable with the pregnancy and has alluded to the need to hash things out in an open and honest environment, so I am hopeful that whatever decision we come to, it will be in our best interests as a married couple.

I don't get the well it's 2.5 years in and we'd planned for 6.5 thing. Life is what happens while you're making plans. Lots of people can't have a baby and you're worried about scheduling things exactly.

Exactly what kind of advanced personal development did you need 4 or 5 more years for anyways ? I can understand the abortion thing if you're both 16 and now you can't go to college, or if the relationship isn't there and one parent has run away. Or maybe you've have some time critical project that will greatly benefit the rest of humanity ?

From the general tone of your posts I kind of doubt it. Actually you sound like a real asshole with this it's half mine and I'm going in to demand an abortion thing. I sort of wish I could abort you dude. If you feel life and health circumstances are really inappropriate for the two you or her then say so clearly and let her make a decision. Wanting more time to play PS3 doesn't count.

Oh well, maybe the condoms do work and it wasn't your kid anyways.
 

Peter Pud

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If it is strickly timing that is the factor now it would be very ironic to abort now and later when the time is right not be able to get her preg. As much I we like to think we are in control we are not there may be unforseeable cirmstances that may prevent pregnancy in the future. Not to mention that all life has value and needs too be respected. Where would the world be if Mrs. Einstine would have aborted Albert. You know the genius who authored the therory of relativity.
 

swordfishME

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Let us know how it turns out.

We had the conversation on Sat Night and I never expected it to turn out they way it did. She seemed almost relieved that I suggested it first. Basically, she is thinking along those lines but has decided to wait a few weeks before deciding because she thinks she is very emotionally confused. I told her that we would talk No spur of the moment decision for us, I guess. Which is a good thing considering the magnitude of this decision....
 

HotBulge

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Any new thoughts or developments??

I would like to thank everyone for their views and suggestions on the matter. I really appreciate those who stepped in and prevented this thread from becoming a "Your views on abortion thread". The reason I have solicited advise on this board where no one knows me versus friends is because I live in an Islamic country that is completely pro-life and most of our friends tend to be rather judgmental on this issue.

My wife and I both live in the Middle East, although we were both born and raised in the states (she in DC, me in Texas). We can afford to have the kid so there is no financial argument to be made for an abortion. We are both pro-choice and we have previously discussed what to do in case of an unwanted (not sure if she views this one that way) pregnancy, we both were for abortion v/s adoption (it is really scary as to what kinds of people can easily adopt in Asia).

I have thought about this and am going to have a conversation with her tonight. I will respect her POV on the matter but will not allow her to make any unilateral decisions, the baby is 1/2 mine as it were pointed out before. She has sensed that I am not comfortable with the pregnancy and has alluded to the need to hash things out in an open and honest environment, so I am hopeful that whatever decision we come to, it will be in our best interests as a married couple.
 

swordfishME

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Nothing new as far as decisions go... We are still weighting all the options. Our families have found out and this is creating additional pressures. Her sister and brother in law (the ones that popped out 6 kids in an 11 year marriage without the financial means to take care of even one) have already condemned us to hell for even thinking of getting an abortion. Our parents, who are religious people, surprised us by saying they will support whatever decision we arrive to. The main gist of all the advise I have been given seems to be that this is more her decision than mine, and since we were equally responsible for making the baby, I just feel that this is unfair (I know, I know I don’t have to carry it for the next 9 months and birth it but still)...
 

swordfishME

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I like to thank everyone for their input and advise on this issue. I understand that this is a hot button issue and provoked some strong responses from people, but I really appreciate those who were able to restrain themselves and offer constructive advise. Thanks a bunch!
 

incher2

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Newsflash, when you are with a woman you are a breeder. You knew you did not want kids, you could have gotten a vasectomy or employed other protections.

If you did not feel stongly enough to insure that you did not impregnate her then you were also not taking all measures to reduce the risks of her being exposed to a high risk partner.

So here you are having made the choices about what to do with your body as it pertains to parenthood. Now the ball is in her court, and she should decide what her body does.

There will be a huge thing between you emotionally etc. with this regardless of what happens. REgardless of how emotionally prepared you are. You will not have stress free years after this if you try to impose an abortion decision on a woman who wants the child.

You are asking her to end a life. To abort what would be a child that she will love until her death. A child that given a chance would love you both unconditionally until given a reason to do otherwise. Is your commitment to her so entire, is it greater than a mothers love for a child. If your commitment is that great can it not afford to give up a few more years of care free living. Those are gone now either way. Where in this is she number one in your life, and if she is not why should she give up a kid for you.

Will the relationship between the two of you make it through this either way. If you think you will resent her for keeping the baby, how are you going to feel with it is thrown in your face that you made her abort it during arguements down through the years. Consider that this wedge will always be there between you which ever way this turns out.

Sorry to be so blunt, but you are not mentally prepared to be a MAN. Step up to the plate, or let her go.
 

incher2

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I have thought about this and am going to have a conversation with her tonight. I will respect her POV on the matter but will not allow her to make any unilateral decisions, the baby is 1/2 mine as it were pointed out before.

Will you do the abortion yourself then if she insists on keeping the baby or kill her?