Serious Problems

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Incocknito, Nov 20, 2009.

  1. Incocknito

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2009
    Messages:
    2,567
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    La monde
    I have psychological problems. Too many to list here but unresolved issues, pent up emotions (negative emotions), mostly toward my mother and family in general.

    Perhaps related to that I have a severe lack of confidence / anxiety. All this is preventing me from functioning and being as successful as I could be.

    I don't want to live like this anymore; with all this emotional baggage and these "problems".

    How does someone go about getting psychological help? Do I see my GP? My only worry.

    My concern though is that a therapist/psychologist would just tell me to "get over it" like everyone else does. I realise that it's probably ridiculous.

    Help?
     
  2. D_Bitch McConnell

    D_Bitch McConnell New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2008
    Messages:
    184
    Likes Received:
    2
    See your GP, see a specialist by all means but I always find the best way to sort out this sort of bottled up emotion is to just talk to a good listener, someone you can trust.

    I hope everything sorts itself up buddy - it's better out than in! :)

    WHB
     
  3. Principessa

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2006
    Messages:
    19,494
    Likes Received:
    28
    Gender:
    Female
    Welcome to my world. :smile: It's okay, the voices in my head like you. :biggrin1::kidding:

    Not sure how things work in the UK but you should be able to get a recommendation to a therapist from your GP. Other than that I would check the yellow pages under counselors or therapists. Or and this is probably the quickest way to get a name, though it may sound drastic. Call a suicide prevention hotline. I realize you are not suicidal, but they usually have lists handy of places you can go for counseling.

    In the USA a psychiatrist is an MD. Their sole purpose is to dispense and manage medications in patients. My guesstimation is that about 95% of the psychiatrists in the USA do not provide therapy. :mad:

    For someone who will assess you, listen to you, and hopefully help you to feel and be better you need a therapist or counselor. In the USA this means a L.C.S.W. = Licensed Clinical Social Worker, M.S.W. = Masters Social Work or someone with at least a masters degree in psychology and therapy. These people do not dispense medications.

    A good therapist will not tell you to just "Get Over It."

    I think you should be commended. Not just for realizing you have issues but wanting to seek help. I wish you well on your journey, Incocknito. I've been in therapy fairly consistently for about a decade. If you have any questions feel free to ask.

    :cool:
     
  4. bek2335

    bek2335 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2007
    Messages:
    527
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    East Coast
    ngqt's advice is excellent. As someone who has been a mental health professional for over 20 years now, I would also suggest that you ask around - people you trust - for a word-of-mouth referral. Do not start with medication and no therapy, which a GP might try to push. In the US anyway, psychiatrists are generally not good therapists, though the good ones do know their psychopharmacology. Don't be afraid to visit 2 or 3 therapists for one appointment each and pick the one you feel the most comfortable with. Ask them questions about their areas of interest and/or expertise, what model of therapy they practice and what that model is about. If you find a therapist who is a good fit for you and who is a competant professional, you will reap great rewards from the time and money you spend. Good luck.
     
  5. sykray

    sykray Active Member

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2005
    Messages:
    732
    Likes Received:
    104
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Chon Buri (TH)
    Good advice so far. I am a retired head of clinical psychology services in the UK. You needn't see a psychiatrist. Your GP can refer you to your local clinical psychology department. Many of these departments also have accredited counsellors. There may be a waiting list to be seen - so, what's new in the NHS?

    No one will tell you to get over it.

    You can't choose your psychologist or counsellor but if you don't get on well with her or him, you can ask to see another one in the same department. Of course, if you choose to pay privately (can be quite expensive), like bek said, you can shop around and find the person or the approach that works best for you.

    Most NHS psychologists have their favourite approach but they do have competence in a variety of therapy models and you can negotiate how best to work together.

    Good luck!
     
  6. bek2335

    bek2335 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2007
    Messages:
    527
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    East Coast
    skyray, interesting to hear your input, as I have essentially no knowledge of health systems outside of the US.
     
  7. sykray

    sykray Active Member

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2005
    Messages:
    732
    Likes Received:
    104
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Chon Buri (TH)
    Hi, njqt, you and I seem to have covered most of the area as it pertains in the US and UK. Of course, in the UK healthcare is free at point of contact (we pay in taxes and stuff) and very few have health insurance so the cost of counselling or therapy is not a common issue but it does preclude the shopping around (which I totally agree with you on).

    Without insurance, private therapy can be expensive as therapy is usually fairly lengthy. I wasn't very keen on private work as i felt uncomfortable directly making money from other people's distress. I kept my private contracts short and used a combination of models, including hypnotherapy, aimed at getting things moving as quickly as possible but thereby not having the depth and length of detailed life history investigations.

    Now that Incocknito has decided to take the plunge, he'll be fine. Uncomfortable work sometimes but so beneficial.
     
  8. Principessa

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2006
    Messages:
    19,494
    Likes Received:
    28
    Gender:
    Female
    I just started back into therapy last week, after a 2 year hiatus where I just did meds and tried to exercise and think happy thoughts. :rolleyes: That was dumb,:banghead2: but everyone said exercise would make me feel better. Anywho, I really like my new therapist. She seems a bit mousey, but I think we are off to a good start.
     
  9. sassy Lisa

    sassy Lisa New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2006
    Messages:
    151
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Oregon
    I totally understand were your at, I have fought with manic depression and high anxioty for the past 21 years. I haven't had any drugs or therapy during the last ten years cause I found answers that helped me thanks to a loving husband. I am currently working with my GP and we are trying drugs to help because things are getting worse not better right now. I haven't seen a therapist for the past ten years because the therapist I saw recommended I seperate from my family because I don't know how to take care of myself. I dumped that therapist in a heart beat. Any good therapist will listen to you and help you find solutions. If you don't feel the therapist is hearing you get rid of them fast. I would recommend that you talked to you GP, they may have one they work closely with to help their patients that best. Good luck and know that your not alone.
     
  10. headbang8

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2004
    Messages:
    1,272
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Munich (BY, DE)
    I may sound a bit like a broken record on this subject, but I found ACA support groups (that's Adult Children of Alcohiolics and Other Dysfunctional Families) to be of immense help in just such a situation as yours.

    Whether or not your mother or family has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, Al-Anon support groups are also helpful.

    The websites are

    ACA
    Al-Anon UK
     
  11. Mr_Bulldog

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2009
    Messages:
    1,106
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    318
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Eglin AFB
    Verified:
    Photo
    I've dealt with pent up depression and aggression over the years by finding my way into martial arts. When I practice them all the bad and painful thoughts that clog my mind get swept away and I live in the moment. Perhaps martial arts are not the answer for you, but anything that helps as it did to me should be seriously considered.
     
  12. Incocknito

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2009
    Messages:
    2,567
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    La monde
    Pent up aggression is another thing. Normally I am passive but a few times I have lashed out for practically no reason at all (although it was the straw that broke the camel's back) and badly hurt people.

    Exercise does help but it's only temporary. I will list the things I haven't come to terms with yet. Maybe someone can tell me if I'm being silly or not. This is in chronological order:

    The issues I have are:

    I get very nervous and anxious around other males, especially ones that are older/taller/broader than me.

    I don't speak very clearly or very well, even though I am quite intelligent and a bit of a wordsworth. I think that's due to the nervous and anxiousness.

    I feel lost and don't really know who I am supposed to be or if I am being childish and should "get over it".

    Also, I am named after the man who died, who turned out not to be my father. Which I don't like.

    Obviously at various times when people have asked me who my parents are, I have got nervous and choked up then also.

    I know I shouldn't let these things affect me or be a "prisoner of the past" but it's hard not to be. This is what I need help with. Coming to terms with who I am, I suppose?

    *sigh*
     
  13. hud01

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2009
    Messages:
    5,262
    Likes Received:
    23
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    new york city
    You are getting pretty good info here, but the best is to go see a professional. It is their job to listen and to help you understand your issues. They wouldn't get very far if they told you to get over it.
     
  14. danimal32

    danimal32 Member

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2008
    Messages:
    79
    Likes Received:
    16
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Ohio
    I think the important thing is to find someone that can you work with, be that a professional therapist or a friend who is a good listener. The nice thing about a therapist as opposed to a friend is that you can trust them to keep what you say between you as confidential, and to anyone who states or you feel is thinking "get over it," go find someone else. If you are struggling with a problem, it's an issue to you. No one else is dealing with it, so please don't let them minimize it in any way.
     
  15. SomeGuyOverThere

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2004
    Messages:
    1,496
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male

    You know I used to have pretty much all those issues, including pent up agression and a very bad stutter. I was psychologically bullied for 6 years and pretty much ignored by my parents (who were too busy looking after my heavily disabled sister).

    From where you are now, there are 2 basic ways of getting help - Counselling and the NHS.

    Counselling lets you talk to somebody who will help you sort out your problems by confronting them, discussing them and giving you other perspectives on them. I took the counselling route and it's helped a lot with letting me realise how much the past has burdened me, what things were bugging me and letting them go.

    I recieve counselling through my University, but there are a lot of charities out there that also offer it. I believe there are NHS counselling services, but I bet there's a waiting list. If you see a fully qualified counsellor, they shouldn't tell you to "get over it".

    The clinical route starts at your GP. Book an appointment and ask your docotor to refer you for psychiatric help. You can get more info at Mental health assessments : Directgov

    I've not gone this route, but I am considering it at the moment.

    Mental ill health is a serious issue, don't let it drag on: seek help.
     
    #15 SomeGuyOverThere, Nov 21, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 21, 2009
  16. bek2335

    bek2335 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2007
    Messages:
    527
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    East Coast
    Incocknito: There is no objective standard someplace about what traumas "should" or "should not be" important and life -altering for people. But everything you name, I believe, would affect most people pretty deeply. Anyone who thinks you should just "get over it" is someone who is emotionally retarded. So my previous message/advice to you still stands. Skyray and njqt also had worthwhile input, in my opinion.
     
  17. Industrialsize

    Staff Member Moderator Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2006
    Messages:
    24,316
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    2,177
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    United States
    I have been to many therapists over my lifetime(I currently see a therapist for "talking therapy" and a psychiatrist for medical treatment for depression) and I have NEVER had any of them tell me to "get over' anything. So you really needn't worry about that.
     
  18. dj30905

    dj30905 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2009
    Messages:
    245
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Trust me, you aren't alone. I understand the thing about your dad. I didn't find out til I was 12 that the man I grew up thinking was my dad may not be. I still don't know to this day who my real father is. It's between two men, but I don't care much for either one. I've come to terms and found that who my father really is doesn't make me who I am. It can be quite difficult to come to terms with who you are if you don't know who/what that is. Honestly, everyone questions who they are. I tend to view life as one long journey where we will constantly evolve as we learn. Don't hesitate to seek help. You are no less of a man if you feel that you need to sort things out with a therapist. I think it makes you more of a man to admit that you have issues and need help. I have some pretty bad issues with depression and PTSD and have to take antidepressants along with talking with a therapist. I even talk to close friends when I can't see the therapist. Just having someone to listen is a great start.
     
  19. Mr_Bulldog

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2009
    Messages:
    1,106
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    318
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Eglin AFB
    Verified:
    Photo
    From my experience no one can actually "get over" anything and I do not believe it healthy to try. Our experiences in life, though painful as they may be, may end up helping our future experiences.

    I do not think you are silly in any way. And encourage you to find help if you feel talking just to us does not help.

    As for anxiousness and nervousness about being around larger/older men I have no idea how to help you with that.

    Sorry if I sound like just a rambling bum
     
  20. Incocknito

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2009
    Messages:
    2,567
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    La monde
    Thanks guys. The other thing is I get a lot of negativity / no encouragement or support from my family. They tell me I'll fail at anything I want to try which isn't helpful.

    The other thing is a lot of people say "you shouldn't be here"...not in a nasty or malicious way but because I was born extremely prematurely. But still, it leads me to question should I really be here? etc.

    I guess the main problem is a feeling that I'm not good enough for anything. Even though I know that I am more than good enough to be successful at many things.

    Thanks for all the advice anyway. It's comforting to know I'm not the only one with these sorts of psychological barriers.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted