Serious Relationship Help

UNCTarHeel23

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So, my gf and I have amazing sex. She is the tightest person I've ever been with, can ride the dick amazing and is just super sexy. By far the sexiest woman I have ever seen in person. The problem is she has never touched herself, used a vibrator, I was the first person to go down on her and she doesn't even like it. How do I get her to open up in the bedroom. She has never had an orgasm, and I feel like it is going to be tough without her wanting to touch herself or anything like that. Thanks for the help!
 

Petrolhead

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that is a problem! what about a gentle sensual session, not focusing on penetration, with lots of kissing and touching to get her relaxed about her body? a good massage might work wonders too.
 

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Have u tried simply talking to her and telling her how much it means for u to get her to orgasm?
 

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Tell her you want to watch her touch herself, sit across from her and touch yourself, talk dirty to her, tell her how much it turns you on, etc. You could add a kiss or touch in between, but make it about her. I believe women that explore their bodies are the ones the have a better chance of reaching orgasm. Tell her you want to see what feels good to her, watch her , learn from it and touch her the same way. Also try a lot of clit stimulation. Some of us require constant rubbing at a good consistent rhythm. Maybe a massage, then work into oral, etc.

At least it bothers you that she's not having the same experience that you are. That's good of you.

I could suggest a lot of things to try, it's just about finding that one thing that she really likes.
 
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keeper37

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WHOA Horsey!! Don't do any of the below suggested things!

You want to shut her down, give her performance anxiety, and a "goal under pressure"?? No. People are not boxes (..well...). You cannot just "open them up" because it would increase YOUR pleasure.

This is going to take some time. And loving attention. And building trust. You can't hurry love--or her first orgasm. Please don't set her up for failure and ruin this cool thing you two have going.

Don't TELL her, SHOW her--very subtly and gently. Give her time (weeks...) to adjust to YOUR body first, then slowly help her learn to explore her own erogenous areas. Then with time, focus on stimulating her clitoris MANUALLY. Back off some on the oral sex right now if she's uncomfortable--she'll never self-suck!! Just because you think it's great doesn't make it so :p )

AFTER she gets comfortable with YOUR hand stimulating her clitoris, then try to gently take her hand down there WITH yours to introduce it. A few nonconsecutive times ..

It will probably work. But it's an art, not a science ;)
 

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Been lurking here for about 6 mo and never posted a comment until NOW. I dont agree with any of you. You are all very caring and helpful but the bottom line is that each of us is responsible for our own orgasm. Getting help from a loved one is terrific but if it doesn't happen it is not my fault.
Dated a terrific beauty couple of decades ago who was non orgasmic. Met up with her a few years ago at a reunion. We got to talking and I mentioned that I used to call myself "The boy who gave his arms for you". I used to use her favorite position - missionary with me holding myself up on straight arms and pumping and her telling me to keep going. this went on until my arms got tired then started trembling then simply gave out from exhaustion and still no big "O". She cracked up at this description. She later learned more about her body and how to reach the top. She told me that she was now plenty orgasmic. so, stop blaming yourself for someone else's lack of satisfaction. Course we are assuming you are not being a schlubb about it and have and use your modicum of skills.
It's your body and your orgasm. It is not fair for you to say to me....OK, now make me cum.
 

Filmgrain

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oops looks like I have posted before. My, they go by like leaves in a stream. Also signed up 3 mo ago, not 6. time flies. Even faster when you are a senior.
 

Reddhott

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Um. It was five minutes ago.

And I disagree with you about not being responsible for my partner's orgasm. Some people aren't orgasmic, it's true. But if your partner is capable of cumming, I'm going to give him the best I'm capable of.
 

buster67

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Maybe she was just rainiest in the way that that is not something that was talked about or sexually done. I don't know that you can change the way she feels about it, but you may be able to slowly touch her as you have sex in different places and see how she responds. Back off if it's negative. Then you can try again at different times she may never be comfortable. I dated a girl in my teens that hated me to go down on her she's now in her 40s and still doesn't like that it just may be the way she is. But give yourself a little time give her a lot of time and see what happens.
 

Daisy

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you can't "get her" to open up. She has to do it on her own with your encouragement. I'd say the problem is bigger than you. She should see someone about her sexual hangups.
 

Reddhott

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But you can only succeed if he lets you, Reddhott. Ultimately, during a sexual encounter each party is responsible for his or her own pleasure, and for that of all others involved as well.

That's true. But I was talking about those things that I can control. And I was speaking to the attitude, "Hey babe, your orgasm ain't my problem. I got mine, yours is no business of mine."

Isn't sex supposed to be about giving yourself to your partner and caring about their needs? I mean, if all I worry about is my orgasm, and don't try to help my partner, we both could lose out. If my partner cares about my satisfaction, and does all he can to get me there; and my concern is him and his enjoyment, we both win. If both of us are selfish, we both lose.
 

Phil Ayesho

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WHOA Horsey!! Don't do any of the below suggested things!

You want to shut her down, give her performance anxiety, and a "goal under pressure"?? No. People are not boxes (..well...). You cannot just "open them up" because it would increase YOUR pleasure.

This is going to take some time. And loving attention. And building trust. You can't hurry love--or her first orgasm. Please don't set her up for failure and ruin this cool thing you two have going.

Don't TELL her, SHOW her--very subtly and gently. Give her time (weeks...) to adjust to YOUR body first, then slowly help her learn to explore her own erogenous areas. Then with time, focus on stimulating her clitoris MANUALLY. Back off some on the oral sex right now if she's uncomfortable--she'll never self-suck!! Just because you think it's great doesn't make it so :p )

AFTER she gets comfortable with YOUR hand stimulating her clitoris, then try to gently take her hand down there WITH yours to introduce it. A few nonconsecutive times ..

It will probably work. But it's an art, not a science ;)


This is the best answer.

People who are uptight sexually need an environment where they feel accepted and safe in order to explore themselves and let go of inhibitions.

This takes time and caring attention from a lover who is sensitive and willing to work at this just a little at a time.
 

Phil Ayesho

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Been lurking here for about 6 mo and never posted a comment until NOW. I dont agree with any of you. You are all very caring and helpful but the bottom line is that each of us is responsible for our own orgasm. Getting help from a loved one is terrific but if it doesn't happen it is not my fault.
Dated a terrific beauty couple of decades ago who was non orgasmic. Met up with her a few years ago at a reunion. We got to talking and I mentioned that I used to call myself "The boy who gave his arms for you". I used to use her favorite position - missionary with me holding myself up on straight arms and pumping and her telling me to keep going. this went on until my arms got tired then started trembling then simply gave out from exhaustion and still no big "O". She cracked up at this description. She later learned more about her body and how to reach the top. She told me that she was now plenty orgasmic. so, stop blaming yourself for someone else's lack of satisfaction. Course we are assuming you are not being a schlubb about it and have and use your modicum of skills.
It's your body and your orgasm. It is not fair for you to say to me....OK, now make me cum.



Who the hell is talking about "fault"?

And, sorry, you are plain wrong. Intimacy is a TWO person game… each person bears SOME responsibility for what does or doesn't happen between them….

The fact is that many people are raised to be terribly uptight over sexuality… to have terrible feelings of guilt, or shame, or simple aversion.


A sensitive and patient lover can make ALL the difference in whether such a person CAN let down their defenses and relax into their own sexuality.


Your "every man for himself!" attitude is the antithesis of everything that lovemaking can and ought to be.

Real Union only happens when Both participants take some responsibility for the pleasure of their partner.
Trust and Allow.
 

Popyuu

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So, my gf and I have amazing sex. She is the tightest person I've ever been with, can ride the dick amazing and is just super sexy. By far the sexiest woman I have ever seen in person. The problem is she has never touched herself, used a vibrator, I was the first person to go down on her and she doesn't even like it. How do I get her to open up in the bedroom. She has never had an orgasm, and I feel like it is going to be tough without her wanting to touch herself or anything like that. Thanks for the help!

Ok kind of confused. Has she never had an orgasm or is it that she has never had one while touching herself or you pleasing her lapdog style? Cause depending on that, you'll get different answers/advice.

If the sex is great for her, i'd say leave it at that until she decides to try other things. Notice i said for her though. If she isn't enjoying the sex and/or not cumming then that'll be a more in depth problem. One you may not be included in at all when it comes to solutions.