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I don't know if this relationship will ever go toward the romantic side. It has nothing to do with HIV now, it seems. It has to do with emotional and energetic availability.
I don't know about being involved with anyone myself these days. I seem to attract men who aren't ready for romantic relationships and they become friends. Friends are very important to me so this is positive. I do want a romantic partner. I just don't know how or when that will happen. I remain open to possibilities though.
So, I've decided to be his friend and support him at the moment. I'll hang around him and his friends. He'll come and hang out with my friends too. So, we'll see what comes of that. If he remains a friend, I see that as a very positive thing. I'm quite fond of him.
I'm glad you are pretty much at peace with the situation. As you seem to have figured out, even if this guy does not turn out to be "the one," there's still hope for you. I didn't manage to find the love of my life until I was 41 years old.
Serosorting seems logical, and good serodiscordant couples are inspiring, but the heart is a cruel master. It doesn't allow you the luxury of falling in love with the one whom you know is right for you. I fell in love by accident, and intellectually, I fought it (long story, but basically I had given up after a long string of boyfriends who turned out to be flakes) but I fell in love anyway. I did volunteer work in an anonymous testing clinic, and had my bloodwork done several times, so I knew I was negative, and he was "pretty sure" he was negative, too. We met, briefly, through mutual friends, but lived about 1000 miles apart - we fell in love online, long distance, before we ever had sex.
After we moved in together, we continued to practice safer sex, and after living together for about 8 months, we went (together) for testing. We got tested 3 times, at 6-month intervals, before we started using "more relaxed" practices.
The point of all my rambling is, I had gotten to the point of resigning myself to the fact that I would likely be single forever; not obsessed or bitter, just pragmatic. Once I was certain that I was in love, and certain that he was in love with me, the serosorting issue kinda fell by the wayside. If we had been serodiscordant, I still would be in love. We've been together for about 6.5 years, and I still cannot imagine being without him. I can only speak for myself, in my situation, but for me, it turns out other factors were much more imporant than HIV status.
Oh, and thank you for your counseling work.