I waas about 10 years old when the nightmare began. At home things were a disaster and finally Pop and Mother had enough. The local church set it up for me to go to a summer camp up in Connecticut and I would be there from late JUne to just before labor day. With 6 kids, getting rid of the mistake was a relief to my parents. My dad shrugged at the idea, my mother literallly beamed. I arrived in late June in New Yyork and stayed with, a minister and his wife and family. The next day the minister drove me and his 2 sons along with the new sleeping bag he had bought for me and my other stuff as well as their camping stuff. In the early afternoon we arrived in Bristol Connecticut and he took us all for food and then the drive continued. We got to S.W. (initials of the camp) and the minister told me and his boys to stay put. He came back with a tall guy named Bill and told me I would be under Bills guidance for the summer and that he--the minister would be around and he would drive me back to the city and then get me on a bus home come September. He told me to do whatever Bill asked. The camp was set into different sites and had names. There was Hickory and Flatlands and others which I do not remember. I don't even know which section I was in. Bill and I walmked down a dirt path away from the minister and his kids annd arrived at a place with a covered wagon a teepee and something called a hogan, a little longer than a covered wagon and similar in look but no wheels. There were either 6 or 8 cots I don't remember its been so many years ago. Bill told me which cot I would use and which he would use which was right across from mine. The next few days went well and then on Sunday lots of kids arrived. The first 2 week session went well but the day it ended the minister came to me and told me that he was going to have to leave and that someone else would be getting me at the end of the summer. Bill had to stay since he was doing community service for drunk driving. I still thinmk he should have done 40 to life for it. In the middle of the first week of the second 2 wwek session, the group of us went down to the showers. There were stalls maybe 5foot by 5 foot if that and being as there were a lot of other kids and groups we were paired off. Bill told me it was him and me. In the first 2 weeks he had showered alone. He was decent that day but a few days later he started. He soaped up in front of me. Now Bill was tall, my dad was about 6 foot 1 and Bill was taller than that by a few inches and I was a short kid. I am not even 5'8" now. and as a kid I was usually the shortest one in class (I made up for it in the trousers though) Bill stood facing me and even though there was some space he got up close. Too close. He soaped up his body and his genitals and to nobodys surprise he began to stiffen. He joked about it and that was it. I got off easy but felt uncomfortable. The next few showers were similar, he would start to get an errection make a joke and then rinse off. All the time he was rigjt on top of me. In the 3rd sesion of campers Bill became bolder. It was a 1 week session not the 2 week. and after rinsing off he leaned forward right into me and given my height you can figure where his penis was. But it stopped there. Saturday came the kids left and it was me and Bill and other camp counselors and advisors. A female counselor came over and asked Bill if him and me wanted to drive down to Bristol. Bill agreed and me, Bill, Linda and anothere male counselor got into a 4 door sedan. In Bristol Bill bought some beer and when we were back in the car he opened one and offered to the others and tthen me. Linda said it was wrong, Bill said something and Linda essentially gave him the go ahead. He popped another beer open and handed it to me. God it was awful but I drank it down like a good boy. Bill slapped his hand down on my thigh and gave it a squeeze. Back in the campsite after some talking between the adults while i sat bored to tears by grown up talk, Bill and I headed back to the hogan. It was a rather cool summer night and Bill suggested we share a sleeping bag. He also said naked bodies keep warmer when together that way. I remember him being in there first and then I got in and he told me to face him. I obeyed and thats when it got bad. He took my hand and placed it on his penis. He then told me to maturbate him. I still had no idea what that word meant and just lay there with my hand on his penis. He told me to get to it, I suppose the beers might of been making him angry. I had no idea what to do and he gave me a shove and told me to get back over to my cot. As I started to get into the bag he told me I would be better off near the front end of the hogan where babys belong. Hell was beginning. For 2 weeks Bill embarrassed me and mocked and criticized me at every turn. He knew already I wouldbn't report him or fight him. On hikes he had me ride piggy back since I was a baby and babys can't walk a long hike. He called the other kids men as a way to punish me more. After the 2 weeks were up other kids were driven away with their mom or dad or both. Then he turned to me and told me my time was up. We went back to the hogan and he stripped down and began to masturbate in front of me and asked if I could do it now. I nodded and stood up and pushed my shorts and underwear down and started to rub my own penis. He groaned and called me an idiot and said he meant to do it to him. I was sick in my stomach and sadly a little excited. I moved towards him and I did what he wanted. I watched as he got bigger and I saw the color change as well and then I felt his penis nearly jump from my hands. I held on for dear life not wanting to get Bill angry and then he ejaculated. Right into my face. He went from sighing with relief to laughing as he looked at me. He told me to clean up and get dressed and a half hour later we were down at the main area. The other counselors were there and I was sure they knew what had happened. They didn't. At least I dont think tyey did. Night came and Bill told me to get in the bag wtih him again, and sure enough he wanted another pull. I did it and that was it. I suppose I should be glad he didn't do more. Summer ended and a woman with short blond hair arrived to get me out of there. She drove me to Philadelphia and saw me onto a train. /several hours later I was back home. I kept quiet about what had happened. Pop seemed to know, he would just look at me and shake his head. Occasionally I hear him mutter under his breath but I cant' say what he said since he was soft in his voice. Mother--well that was a disaster yet to come. When I was 12 I said screw this and ran away from home. I ended up with a neighbor who got me good and drunk and for lack of a better word raped me. fucked the hell out of me. I had made the mistake--I had told him what Bill had done. For the better part of a year I lived with this man and he did what he wanted, and on one bad night--and I remember it because of its significance--he brought in a group of 4. The next day I was 13 and this bastard said he had given it to me as a special birthday present because now I was a man.--I am part Jewish and so was he so to him 13 made me a man. On the good side he never lay a hand on me again. He gave me some money and told me to get lost. I took thge money and got a bus ticket. While I was with this bastard my family had moved. They saw me as a handful to deal with and agreed with him that I should stay with him. I took a bus to Cleveland--that was all I could afford and still have a few dollars left to live. I hated Cleveland. I stayed mostly in the bus station leaving when I had to. One of the ticket agents figured it out and took me aside, he asked me where I was from and the other questions and for some reason I told him about the sex. He looked at me and told me I was not to blame and then got me to the police station. Dennis Ryan wherever you are I am eternally grateful for your decency. The police had their work cut out, I had no idea where my parents and family had fled to. They had told our neighbor and he had then lied to me. He told me they were in Ohio somewhere. They weren't. The neighbor gave a song and dance story and got 90 days in county lock up. I heard he was shot dead one night and I can't say as how that bothers me althoughn I would of prefered if they had gouged out his eyes and cut his miserabkle twig off and let him bleed to death.--apparently I still have some anger issues to deal with. I was reunited with my family. My dad tried to deal with it all my mother--well that's another matter. My dad stepped up to the plate for me a few times over the nxet few years and then I left home. I never went back. I kept in touch with my brothers for a while. I still occasionallyt get a letter from the one of them. My parents died. As a final insult my mother had me as the contact. I had her cremated with no service. My sister had her own demons to deal with and ended up in an institution for the mentally unstable where she died recently. I got drunk too many times, risked my life, destroyed relationships and severed ties with people everywhere. The only real exceptions were Olivia (my sister) who I would go to see every month when I wasn't in a hospital for self inflicted wounds. I would sober up many times for a few days just to go and see her. Then there's my son Jimmy. I hurt him and he still is holding on to me--that's why I still have hope. It has take a while to realize I am not a failure and that the things which happened were not my fault. Not sure why I am posting this other thatn I wanted to get it out on paper. If the moderators want they can delete it, I'll understand. Thank you.